Convincing my wife....

by **leeatthebeach** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:22 pm

I would like some assistance in convincing my wife that we should take a vacation to Desire. I have always wanted to visit a c/o resort. We have not been sexually active since we have been married. My wife has been struggling with her weight and some related self esteem issues. I thought that going to a sexually charged place like Desire might spark the flame. Earlier in our relationship we talk about having a threesome with another girl but it never materialized. I am not expected any lifestyle activity from her but if it happened I would go with it. Thoughts? If you have questions on our situation I would be more than happy to answer them. Thanks in advance.

by **thebutcher95** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:37 pm

First do not push her. Just have her read some trip reports if she wants to. My wife read some threads and said OMG this is a swingers resort. Then I asked her to read again and to be open minded. We booked our first trip that week. That was six years ago. We go every year.

As stated in so many threads weight is no issue. Every on is beautiful at Desire.....

by **CokeMann** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:04 pm

Here are some important things for you to think about before approaching your wife with the idea of vacationing at Desire

- Don't expect that going to Desire will shore up a relationship that is rocky to start with.
- You have to truly want go to Desire knowing that your wife may never participate in open PDA/PDS with you our others or for that matter going clothing optional on her part and be happy to just have a great adult only vacation together.

If you can sincerely commit to the two above points then it's worth approaching your wife about vacationing at Desire.

ps you will never convince her - she has to be comfortable in her own decision

Get her directly involved in the forums to help answer her FUDs (Fears, Uncertainties, Doubts) there are many ladies on the forums that have experienced the same FUDs and ultimately found that vacationing at Desire was one of the best and most empowering things that they have ever done.

by **TeamLS** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 4:46 pm

I completely agree with everything that Cokemann said above.

One thing that helped my wife and I make our decision, after we had communicated openly, was to read the reviews of Desire on totally vanilla sites like Expedia, trip advisor, and Travelocity. I haven't looked for a while but it used to be that there was a wide range. Some were outraged at the PDAs, some loved the atmosphere but were not swingers. It helped her realize that yes, "real" people can go, not everyone is a swinger waiting to pounce. (well they may want to pounce but we are a respectful group and will wait for permission)
We read the reviews together so it opened up even more conversation about who the really negative reviews really did sound like whiners and people we wouldn't want to vacation with anyway, and helped us to develop realistic expectations that we could both be comfortable with.

by **GACouple116** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:39 am

leeatthebeach, I am not sure if you guys are ready for desire, with your wife's view on her personal issues, I would recommend against it.

If your wife is struggling with her weight and other issues and she is trying to lose it, I recommend either her or both of you use, My Fitness pal com Many people on there who have lost a lot of weight and it is very supportive, I suggest you both join and you both work out and exercise together, use common goals and go for them.

After you get to a "happier place" then maybe you guys can come to Desire and have some fun together.

But I am afraid bringing someone to Desire with a negative opinion aabout themselves would only push her down further. Join MFP and hopefully you can turn things around, and maybe you guys can have a wonderful sexual life.

From reading other posts on MFP people who ahve lost a good amount of weight have become sexual people with their new found sexiness.

Cokeman sorry about promoting MFP, Im not with it, I just use it and this poster could benefit it and also join us at desire in the future.

Best of luck lee, sounds like the wife is struggling, be there for her, its not easy to beat your own demons.

by **thebutcher95** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 9:17 am

GACouple116 wrote:leeatthebeach, I am not sure if you guys are ready for desire, with your wife's view on her personal issues, I would recommend against it.

If your wife is struggling with her weight and other issues and she is trying to lose it, I recommend either her or both of you use, My Fitness pal com Many people on there who have lost a lot of weight and it is very supportive, I suggest you both join and you both work out and exercise together, use common goals and go for them.

After you get to a "happier place" then maybe you guys can come to Desire and have some fun together.

But I am afraid bringing someone to Desire with a negative opinion aabout themselves would only push her down further. Join MFP and hopefully you can turn things around, and maybe you guys can have a wonderful sexual life.

From reading other posts on MFP people who ahve lost a good amount of weight have become sexual people with their new found sexiness.

Cokeman sorry about promoting MFP, Im not with it, I just use it and this poster could benefit it and also join us at desire in the future.

Best of luck lee, sounds like the wife is struggling, be there for her, its not easy to beat your own demons.

I 100 % disagree............

by **vablondie** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 1:51 pm

I've been to Desire 12 times and would also like to completely disagree with GACouple116's post.
Desire is a wonderful place to reconnect with your spouse. It is a sexually charged atmosphere that is all about the women. Most couple's regardless of if they are in LS or not are obviously very into each other. Some aren't of course and have issues it's true but most really are in great relationships. Just being around people like that can help to solidify, strengthen, and create some open communication in your own relationship.
As far as clothing optional goes I would encourage your wife by pointing out as has been mentioned on this site before that really if you have some extra weight nudity is awesome. There is no bunching or bulging out of bikinis. A naked womans body is a beautiful thing regardless of size. I'd also like to let her know that a size 2 is much more rare at Desire than a size 12. Being sexy is really all about attitude and confidence.
As far as LS activity goes I think you are correct in your assessment. Don't expect it, be open to it but more importantly make the week about your wife's desires and needs. You need to lavish all your attention on her and make her feel like the goddess she truly is to you.
xoxo
Blondie

by **thebutcher95** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:26 pm

vablondie wrote:I've been to Desire 12 times and would also like to completely disagree with GACouple116's post.
Desire is a wonderful place to reconnect with your spouse. It is a sexually charged atmosphere that is all about the women. Most couple's regardless of if they are in LS or not are obviously very into each other. Some aren't of course and have issues it's true but most really are in great relationships. Just being around people like that can help to solidify, strengthen, and create some open communication in your own relationship.
As far as clothing optional goes I would encourage your wife by pointing out as has been mentioned on this site before that really if you have some extra weight nudity is awesome. There is no bunching or bulging out of bikinis. A naked womans body is a beautiful thing regardless of size. I'd also like to let her know that a size 2 is much more rare at Desire than a size 12. Being sexy is really all about attitude and confidence.
As far as LS activity goes I think you are correct in your assessment. Don't expect it, be open to it but more importantly make the week about your wife's desires and needs. You need to lavish all your attention on her and make her feel like the goddess she truly is to you.
xoxo
Blondie

Super Super post !!!!! well said , sexy is really all about attitude and confidence

by **GACouple116** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:20 am

vablonde and butcher, I agree with you guys as well, but just from his initial post, it just seems there are deeper issues, and I think he really needs to make sure this won't backfire on him.

If they do go, I hope it does a spark and they have a wonderful time, and I agree it is about attitude and confidence.

I wish them the best with whatever they choose, like you I only want what is best for thier marriage, if desire lights that spark, then by all means.

by **Piglet&Porky** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:03 pm

If she was happy to consider threesomes but is now concerned about her weight, it sounds like self esteem is the real issue.

Take her to any of the nudist resorts in Europe where I guarantee she will not be the largest person there (even if she's Shamu's big sister she won't be the biggest there!)

When she realises that she is "normal" she may want to go further

by **leeatthebeach** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:17 pm

My wife asked me the other day here I want to go for my birthday next year. I turn an important number. I think I am just going to tell her I would like to go to Desire and she what her reaction is. Thoughts?

by **HedoAntique** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:47 pm

To add to the many good recommendations, it's important for your wife to know that if you go, she does not have to do or participate in anything she doesn't want to or is uncomfortable with. She also has to know that you will be absolutely ok with that - no moping. One of the wonderful things about Desire is that it's such a "no pressure" environment. Good luck.

by **e_martn** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:56 pm

My two cents, for what they are worth:

You should certainly ask her if that is where you would like to go BUT I think that you need to be prepared to accept her decision either way about Desire.

It is true that there are all shapes and sizes at Desire and she will definitely fit right in. However, if it is a self-esteem issue it doesn't really matter what size she is. She could be teeny, tiny and still have self-esteem issues and feel uncomfortable about the nudity aspect of the resort or the open sexuality that goes on there. If she is not comfortable in her own skin at home, it might be even tougher to be comfortable at Desire.

My opinion is, that both partners need to be prepared and comfortable about going to Desire. If one partner is only doing it for the other one, you run the risk of having a terrible time once you are there.

That being said, she may surprise you and actually feel good about the proposed trip. It might be an opportunity that she has been looking for. The best advice anyone has given on this forum, I believe, it that open communication is the key to a great trip to Desire, especially for Newbies. Talk about what you are both comfortable or not comfortable with and be prepared to repect one another's decision. Desire can simply be about getting away with your significant other for a romantic and sensual time just the two of you. It can also become more, if both partners want it to.

Also keep in mind that even if she says no to Desire now, that may not always be the case. We talked aobut going to Desire a couple of years ago but it wasn't right for both of us at the time. We were looking to go away again this year and Desire came up again. This time, it was the only place we wanted to go to!

Good luck!

by **missarley** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 4:01 pm

I was reading this post and it hit home for me, as I was the one the had to be convinced to go. That being said I'm not sure I like the word convinced, I feel more like it was encouragement to go as my husband was very adament that the trip to Desire would be about us and what we wanted as a couple. I was and still am not particularly comfortable with my weight and how my body looks, and I wasn't particularly comfortable with the fact the Desire was a lifestyle friendly resort. In my mind at the time is made me question my husbands motives for going and although we had and have a very passionate and fulfilling sex life it still puts some doubt in your mind as to his desires for Desire, and maybe with your sexual issues within your marriage and your wife's body issues maybe this is where her mind is going as well, because you begin to think what does he need that he doesn't have with me and sexual issues within a marriage will compound that. So if you truly feel that Desire will enhance your marriage I would suggest you make it about her and in the end if she still doesn't want to go you must accept that.

Now after that little rant lol I have to say Desire is an experience I am willing to repeat and will be repeating in November. From the time I walked through the doors there seemed to be and immediate weight lifted of my shoulders. Within an hour we were walking naked on the beach an i have to say it is the most freeing experience you'll ever have, you soon begin to realize that you are not the only "imperfect" so to speak, everyone has their body issues and there are all shapes and sizes and Desire.Its funny I feel more self conscious in the clothed world than I ever did at desire. Desire is anything you want it to be, it can be the romantic getaway, or a sexually charged party but whatever you make it there is absolutely no pressure to do anything you don't want to do, go with no expectations except to focus on you as a couple. It really it an amazing place, it truly is amazing how the removal of ones clothes put us all on the same level, who would have guessed it. Anyway my apologies if this seems like a rant, its my first post so I guess there was build up lol. Cheers folks and hope to see some of you in November!!!

by **tsking911** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 4:55 pm

I love you Miss Arley.

Convincing my wife....

Convincing my wife....

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