Casual conversation and soft play flirting

[Surfing_Monkey]

Looking for some advice on conversation and flirting from experienced couples.

We did an 8 day trip for our first time and split 3-5 going to Temptation first and then Desire. We are headed back to DRM for 6 nights in June. Had a great time, but we found at Desire, we struggled a bit to keep that conversation going without faltering into the forbidden topics of kids and work. When you catch up with friends back home you hit all the normal topics. But at Desire those are the last things you want to be talking or thinking about. So looking for ideas and advice for sustaining light, fun, and sexy.

And also, for those couples that are more soft swap, playful flirtatious, how do you go about letting other couples know where your limits are without it killing that organic feeling? At times we felt between groups of full lifestyle and no play couples. I think maybe we are a difficult couple? My wife likes to have fun, and she has made out with a few girls at the pool bar, and dance floor, done some light petting with guys, but she doesn’t want to feel any pressure or expectations. For a couple in our soft play range how do you answer that “are you in the lifestyle question?” And how does that response differ between couples you find attractive, and couples you do not?

[gaviao]

I think maybe we are a difficult couple?

Excuse me if I sound rude, but yes, you are a difficult couple.

I don't think there is a conversation pattern. Although we have 23 years in nudism and hotels for adults, we were once newbies and I consider that we never led the conversation towards unwanted or boring topics.
Desire and Temptation are places where no one sees badly that the conversation has a great erotic charge; those of us who go there and those who approach us are direct and go in that direction, despite the fact that -like you- we are not swingers, but we do like to flirt and play soft.
A relatively recent case: imagine a morning when my partner and I went out to see the sunrise. We are on the low wall that limits the beach; then we turn to the left and 50 or 70 feet from us there is a couple having sex, she is leaning on the wall and he is penetrating her from behind. He turns to look at us and I give him a thumbs up. Five minutes later they walk up to us, a much younger (around 30) and attractive couple. What are we going to talk about? Of my mortgage, of the son in high school who has bad grades, of the car that entered the workshop? Of course not! We will talk about sex, about the incredible experience that Desire is, about what they would like to do… In short, we ended up in our room, the 4 of us bathing together and having sex in the same bed, although without exchanging partners, but with touches and caresses between us.
Another case: we are having lunch in the restaurant, I look up and a femme fatale looking woman that we have been observing for the past two days is in front of me; she has an ice cream in her hand and when she has managed to get my attention, she licks it pretending to fellatio without taking her eyes off me; I smile at her, quickly summarize to my partner what the situation is about and get up from the table to see her and her husband. She turned to him saying: “how lucky you must be to have a woman with such a skillful tongue”. And from there the conversation begins, which continues in the pool, next to the bar and ends in the jacuzzi beds, where she, a born exhibitionist, gives us an incredible show.
I won't tire you with more examples, but starting a conversation and taking it to the ground we want is the easiest thing in the world in a place like Desire.

Would you like details? Send me a PM.

[UsAndYou]

Looking for some advice on conversation and flirting from experienced couples.

We did an 8 day trip for our first time and split 3-5 going to Temptation first and then Desire. We are headed back to DRM for 6 nights in June. Had a great time, but we found at Desire, we struggled a bit to keep that conversation going without faltering into the forbidden topics of kids and work. When you catch up with friends back home you hit all the normal topics. But at Desire those are the last things you want to be talking or thinking about. So looking for ideas and advice for sustaining light, fun, and sexy.

And also, for those couples that are more soft swap, playful flirtatious, how do you go about letting other couples know where your limits are without it killing that organic feeling? At times we felt between groups of full lifestyle and no play couples. I think maybe we are a difficult couple? My wife likes to have fun, and she has made out with a few girls at the pool bar, and dance floor, done some light petting with guys, but she doesn’t want to feel any pressure or expectations. For a couple in our soft play range how do you answer that “are you in the lifestyle question?” And how does that response differ between couples you find attractive, and couples you do not?

You are not difficult. You are like a lot of us. Our culture and modern lifestyle have not done much to encourage great conversation skills. We have had to work at it at times, and we aren't always successful. But Gavio is right....conversations are easier at Desire than anywhere else we have ever visited. It is a great place to practice the art of conversation.

As to your last two questions: We always answer the "are you in the lifestyle?" question by giving an honest answer, and then asking them the same. How we answer will differ. If we are interested in possibly getting together with the other couple our answer will be more flirtatious; if we are not interested it will be more "matter of fact" in tone. I'm over simplifying here, but you get the point. Truth is, they may or may not be interested in playing with you anyway....they may be just starting a friendly conversation. That question is the lifestyle equivalent to "What's your major?" when you are in college.

[eddieandjojo]

Interesting topic and original post! So, as to conversation, I'd say don't overthink it and just let it flow. As noted above, it's really easy to engage in conversation while at the resort/pool/lunch/etc....things we avoid are religion, politics and specific work details. Other than that it really is easy to speak with open minded, non judgmental people at Desire. Honesty is always the best route, if asked say either yes or no as to being in the Lifestyle. Adults that visit Desire are okay with hearing "no" if they ask if you'd like to play.....mostly they'll continue having a conversation with you and not bring up any further offers/solicitations.

Another thing I find interesting is how many people say we are not in the "Lifestyle" or aren't "Swingers" then go on to describe various soft swap experiences. Guess what, you are in the lifestyle if you engage in any sort of sexual play with others as there is a very broad spectrum of definition for the Lifestyle. By sexual play I'm referring to girl on girl, heavy petting, having intercourse with your own partner while next to another couple and having an extra set of hands enhance the vibe. But, that's just my opinion and experience!

Enjoy your trip! Come back to the forum when you return and let us know how it went!

[gaviao]

Another thing I find interesting is how many people say we are not in the "Lifestyle" or aren't "Swingers" then go on to describe various soft swap experiences. Guess what, you are in the lifestyle if you engage in any sort of sexual play with others as there is a very broad spectrum of definition for the Lifestyle. By sexual play I'm referring to girl on girl, heavy petting, having intercourse with your own partner while next to another couple and having an extra set of hands enhance the vibe. But, that's just my opinion and experience!

Hey, you've hit a key point!
In effect, we have defined ourselves as “non-swingers” (I speak both of my ex-wife and myself, who is my girlfriend again) and of the girlfriend with whom I had a relationship in the meantime. I have been to Desire with both of them (about 8 or 10 with my ex-wife, since 2003 and 2 with my ex-girlfriend, in 2020 and 2021) and with both of us we made an agreement not to have sex with other couples, which we always did, but …
As you say and depending on each occasion, we have had experiences -never planned, and that is part of the magic of Desire- that can be classified from exhibitionism and voyeurism to soft swapping. And now that you mention it, I think it's appropriate to change our definition and declare ourselves lifestylers, open minded, liberals... and a long etcetera.

[eddieandjojo]

And now that you mention it, I think it's appropriate to change our definition and declare ourselves lifestylers, open minded, liberals... and a long etcetera.

Bravo! Welcome to the club!!!

[gaviao]

I edited the post, because I made a mistake, now the paragraph is correct.


Another case: we are having lunch in the restaurant, I look up and a femme fatale looking woman that we have been observing for the past two days is in front of me; she has an ice cream in her hand and when she has managed to get my attention, she licks it pretending to fellatio without taking her eyes off me; I smile at her, quickly summarize to my partner what the situation is about and get up from the table to see her and her husband. I turned to him saying: “how lucky you must be to have a woman with such a skillful tongue”. And from there the conversation begins, which continues in the pool, next to the bar and ends in the jacuzzi beds, where she, a born exhibitionist, gives us an incredible show.
I won't tire you with more examples, but starting a conversation and taking it to the ground we want is the easiest thing in the world in a place like Desire.

[runner120]

And also, for those couples that are more soft swap, playful flirtatious, how do you go about letting other couples know where your limits are without it killing that organic feeling? At times we felt between groups of full lifestyle and no play couples. I think maybe we are a difficult couple? My wife likes to have fun, and she has made out with a few girls at the pool bar, and dance floor, done some light petting with guys, but she doesn’t want to feel any pressure or expectations. For a couple in our soft play range how do you answer that “are you in the lifestyle question?” And how does that response differ between couples you find attractive, and couples you do not?

If you're a "difficult couple", then so are we! Your concerns are very similar to ours. We've done nothing LS-related so far, other than being at Desire and having a few couples over for nude hot tubbing at home. But we're potentially interested in some soft activities (ie., petting) if the right situation arises (pun intended). But making that leap from all of the "are you in the lifestyle?" questions we received on our Desire trip to limiting our response to "not so far, but willing to consider based upon blah, blah, blah..." is pretty awkward. Having said that our plan for the next trip is that if the question comes from a couple who we might be interested in, give them an honest answer that might contain more details than they want, but we've learned a hard lesson that full disclosure is important.

[gaviao]

Having said that our plan for the next trip is that if the question comes from a couple who we might be interested in, give them an honest answer that might contain more details than they want, but we've learned a hard lesson that full disclosure is important.

Totally agree.
I think we missed a great opportunity two trips ago, when we were approached by a rather attractive couple. We had a cursory conversation (it was both her and my birthdays) and nothing else happened.
At night we met in the playroom, but they were hooked up with another couple and we were by ourselves.
Later we reflected and realized that it was a mistake not to continue in the rapprochement with that couple. We probably would have had a wonderful time. But the opportunities pass; they traveled the next morning.

[Desireus2]

Looking for some advice on conversation and flirting from experienced couples.

We did an 8 day trip for our first time and split 3-5 going to Temptation first and then Desire. We are headed back to DRM for 6 nights in June. Had a great time, but we found at Desire, we struggled a bit to keep that conversation going without faltering into the forbidden topics of kids and work. When you catch up with friends back home you hit all the normal topics. But at Desire those are the last things you want to be talking or thinking about. So looking for ideas and advice for sustaining light, fun, and sexy.

And also, for those couples that are more soft swap, playful flirtatious, how do you go about letting other couples know where your limits are without it killing that organic feeling? At times we felt between groups of full lifestyle and no play couples. I think maybe we are a difficult couple? My wife likes to have fun, and she has made out with a few girls at the pool bar, and dance floor, done some light petting with guys, but she doesn’t want to feel any pressure or expectations. For a couple in our soft play range how do you answer that “are you in the lifestyle question?” And how does that response differ between couples you find attractive, and couples you do not?

I don't think you are being difficult, you are in that space where a lot of us are. I have seen a term here, Swayers, that fits us. We might, we might not, depends on any number of things. In terms of the the "Lifestyle" question we say we have flexible boundaries, if the spirit moves us and we are all comfortable we will take it from there. I do think people get hung up on the word "lifestyle." It can mean so many different things. If things seem to be moving in a fun direction a simple, "we are a soft swap only couple" is totally fine.

If a couple you aren't into approaches you, be kind. A simple, "we just don't feel a connection" usually works.

Hope this helps

[gaviao]

If a couple you aren't into approaches you, be kind. A simple, "we just don't feel a connection" usually works.

Solid gold words!

[Headstone]

The internet texting age has reduced our in person conversation skills for sure.
If you find an couple you click with then conversation will flow easily. Just keep it light and jovial and all will work out.
I am not a overly talkative person but I have had many great conversations there and at TTR

[LuckySevens]

The internet texting age has reduced our in person conversation skills for sure.

100% this. Maybe the most magical part of Desire is the old school mingling, chatting, conversation, and human-to-human interaction that occurs there. Things that used to be just a normal part of the human experience, and now are so rare, replaced with glowing screens and internet anonymity. We leave all electronics in the room, and only check phones once a day to make sure no one is dead or any buildings on fire back home. It is, in a word, bliss -- to just be humans around humans.