DRM Virgins - Couple questions and thoughts

[JackNSam]

Hi there!

My wife and I are DRM virgins and are heading there April 25th through May 1st. We have been married 23 years and have never done anything like this. Not even a nude beach let alone a LS resort! We are excited, nervous and everything in between.

We are staying at the Eden so hopefully by the time we get there construction will be close to being done.

We have scoured this forum and feel pretty good about what to bring and expectations once we arrive. Thanks everyone for such great information. We’ve set our boundaries and have minimal expectations. We just want to have a great time and do some “things” we’ve never thought we would haha.

Couple questions and thoughts.

1. STDs - Honestly this is our single biggest concern as we haven't had to worry about it for so long. If it wasn’t for this I think more playing would be on the table.

2. Hot tub / pool sex. My wife loves water and it really does something to her but after reading the forums this is off the table and I understand why.

3. Customs and sex toys. I assume dildos/vibrators/BDSM gear etc. are all fine to pack?

4. What do men wear? Lots of info here for the lovely ladies but what about us dudes? What do you wear to lunch or to one of the nice restaurants? What’s a typical day like for a man’s wardrobe when not nude or in a bathing suit?

Would love to meet some folks beforehand that will be there when we are.

Thanks,

[Nolaapples]

Welcome!

If you've never played with another person or couple go SLOW. It's vacation, and if you mix in alcohol it's very easy to miss the signs of your partner and overstep boundaries which can lead to arguments.

Don't expect to have sex on your vacation with other people. Finding chemistry is hard, it's best to go with zero expectations and if you click with people great . Honestly again, if it's your first time, diving head first into full blown intercourse is not the best ideas.

1.As far as STD's which ones are you worried about? Condoms will significantly reduce transmission of HIV, syphilis, trichomonas gonoreah and Chlamydia. HPV and herpes not so much. If you are up to date on your HPV vaccine you have less to worry about. Herpes is a wild card. Hopefully you have play partners that have been tested or if they have HSV they are taking an anti viral and avoiding playing during an outbreak.

Responsible swingers are probably lower risk sexual encounters due to their testing habits than hooking up with someone in the gen pop

Also keep in mind you can get Chlamydia and gonorrhea of the throat. People don't really use dental dams or condoms for oral. They're generally treatable with some antibiotics although drug resistant gonorrhea of the throat is a thing but pretty rare. I personally don't know anyone that's contracted anything from swinging but I'm sure it still happens.

2. Yes, absolute no, you don't want any kind of communal water going inside her, bad vaginitis. Burning and discharge is a big libido ruiner.

3. Yes, just make sure none of your dildos look like a bomb or s gun.

4. Lunch time wear whatever. Dinner wear nice resort wear, e.g. khakis or linen pants with a button up shirt and some loafers or boat shoes. If you wear jeans and sneakers with a t shirt you'll feel under dressed at dinner.


Again, take it slow! People are very friendly. My wife and I are former swingers more kinda non-monagamish now. We may play with the right people some time in the future, maybe not, but we make that clear when people ask That didn't seem to disappoint anyone, and honestly I spent a lot of time talking to other dudes who are just there also to enjoy the fun social environment. You'll meet people here from all different comfort levels from nudists to full blown swingers that swap the whole trip. Again we love it because the social environment is soo much different that other resorts. It's like a big happy college party for adults, and there's a lot of nudity.

It's also super rad to see how many different body types feel comfortable letting themselves be exposed here. Everyone is welcome to feel sexy here.

[JackNSam]

Thanks you for that detailed response - as my husband said in the initial post, we are new to this but are very excited. We have zero expectations and honestly are just really excited to have a fun “happy college party with nudity” as you said. We are excited to explore a more “exhibitionist” side to our relationship more than anything else and I think this trip will allow us to move outside of our fantasies and actually live some of them. I am a typical women though and am so worried about what to pack for the theme nights - assuming even if you don’t dress perfectly for the theme of the night it isn’t a big deal?

We are also looking forward to meeting people, and learning more about how to move beyond “dirty vanilla” in our sex life HAHAHAHA!

[nokidclub]

Thanks you for that detailed response - as my husband said in the initial post, we are new to this but are very excited. We have zero expectations and honestly are just really excited to have a fun “happy college party with nudity” as you said. We are excited to explore a more “exhibitionist” side to our relationship more than anything else and I think this trip will allow us to move outside of our fantasies and actually live some of them. I am a typical women though and am so worried about what to pack for the theme nights - assuming even if you don’t dress perfectly for the theme of the night it isn’t a big deal?

We are also looking forward to meeting people, and learning more about how to move beyond “dirty vanilla” in our sex life HAHAHAHA!

Are you comfortable sharing your general location? You mentioned wanting to meet people ahead of time. Maybe there is someone in your town who can provide an in-person Desire consultation.

[243Xfun]

We say “Don’t worry..Be Happy “
Within 1 hour your normal will be out the window
Condoms condoms CONDOMS
Not sure about sex toys but have read no problems
As far as what the man should wear when wearing .. I wore linen shorts and a Hawaiian cut shirt

It Was also our first time at ANYTHING like desire and once we got there WOW it’s a whole different world
Just make up your mind to mingle and enjoy!

[JackNSam]

@nokidclub - We are located in Northern VA. Would be great to find a local couple that’s been to DRM and meet up to discuss.

@243xfun - Wife and I have been reading about the Eden and the general worry that the larger size of the pool may reduce the amount of mingling. Would you agree, however, that a big reason for the mingling is 1. the people and 2. No cell phones outside of the room? In my experience just about everywhere I go it’s cell phone dependency / usage that reduces the ability for folks to mingle and really get to know each other.

[Orcowgirl]

We started going a few years ago and got, literally, addicted to the complete funess of it. After 30+ times at all 3 resorts, we have come to the conclusion that it is just too hard to match up 2 couples, so haven't, or maybe we just have way too much fun with each other? We LOVE the theme nights and go all out, love the hot tub time, we start drinking then and love the adult spring break fun and visiting. On most of our trips the ratio of swingers to non is about 40% swapping and and 60% non. Of course that changes if you are there during a "takeover" or group trip, but still just a blast with no pressure. Go and have fun with each other. And goodness, keep the chlorine out of the girl parts and use the beds, that's what they are for.

[243Xfun]

JackandSam we were there in November so Eden was not open yet

But We would think we would have to agree with what we think you are saying

We liked the lay out but not the music selection so we are hoping the old pool may now be more of a mingling place to meet people
We are anxious to see what it’s like now
We liked the location of the old hot tub Wondering what will be up there now?
Pm us we would like to know what you think about everything
We liked the vibe but…..

[lisaa59]

Just returned March 2nd, no one could tell us what the old jacuzzi would turn into, it was still in use as the new one wasn't opened, As for mingling in the pool- the old pool still had the same vibe. We picked our own music and started our games. the bar is still serving at the end of the pool. People moved over to it as the week went on- those of us that remember what it was like. Someone described the new pool as "resort like" pool- I agree, spread out and not a mingling, friendly atmosphere. We lasted at the new pool for 2 days and then switched back to original pool. Maybe it will take time to get used to it. My husband told me to approach it as if we had never been here before.

[BashfulDesires]

JackNSam -

Jack, wear dry shorts/trunks & a tshirt to breakfast & lunch. Sam, wear a cover-up style short dress or shorts & tank top. Flipflops or sandals are fine.

Themes - If you don't dress in theme, don't worry about it - but do dress sexy. Think club dress & heels/wedges for her, think fitted trousers and collared button down shirt for him. It's hot, its humid. Sport coats, jackets, tucked in shirts, long sleeves, heavy cotton pants are nice but miserably hot & sweat inducing.
Leave the khakis & golf shirts at home.

We dress up for dinner, then change into theme wear...

Our other suggestion - go visit your local Lifestyle club on a big theme night - St. Patrick's Day is around the corner and will attract a big crowd. Just mingle, take notes on dresses, clothing, styles you see - that will be repeated a lot at Desire! Learn to interact with other like minded partying adults who are looking for NSA fun.

[JackNSam]

Thanks everyone for your guidance. This will be super helpful for us when we get there.

One thing my hubby brought up yesterday was — assuming you wear trunks/suit to the pool and then strip there - no nudity just walking around the resort? Or do you just leave your room naked when heading to the pool/beach? As I am writing this I am smiling because I am feeling like such a noob LOL!

I am sure once we are there a day, we will figure it all out - but don’t want to make any mistakes

[M&A]

Hi, we aren't LS either and have been to the Desire Resorts 15+ times in the last 6 or 7 years. To provide "our opinion" to your question, firstly your husband can do whatever he feels comfortable doing...most of the time I wear my swim suit to the pool and take it off when I go in the water. I put on my suit to go to lunch (with a t-shirt) and my wife has a sexy coverup that she wears but never wears a bikini bra. Also, my wife never takes off her bikini bottom (and not that it matters, but she has a great body)...its just a personal preference. After your first day (or first few hours), you really don't even pay much attention to the nakedness.

There are times during the day when I might run back to the room sans swim suit...but other times I put it on...nobody blinks an eye, its what feels right for you both. Enjoy your sexy vacation together!

Also, the wife dresses up "big time" for dinner (heels and sexy dresses) and i wear a Polo type shirt and sporty dress pants. She also loves to dress up for theme nights (classy but super skimpy), while I typically don't...it's all what you want to make of it.

[nokidclub]

Thanks everyone for your guidance. This will be super helpful for us when we get there.

One thing my hubby brought up yesterday was — assuming you wear trunks/suit to the pool and then strip there - no nudity just walking around the resort? Or do you just leave your room naked when heading to the pool/beach? As I am writing this I am smiling because I am feeling like such a noob LOL!

I am sure once we are there a day, we will figure it all out - but don’t want to make any mistakes

The entire resort is clothing optional with the exception of the lobby, the restaurants, and the gym. You can be naked everywhere else. We try to stay as naked as possible and just put clothes on before heading into a restaurant.

We often leave our room naked and prance around the resort grounds.

[JackNSam]

Hi Everyone,

First, thanks to everyone here and all the great information that has been shared and shared again to us newbies. It was super helpful and really made our trip less confusing and more enjoyable.

First and foremost we had an amazing time. What an experience!!!! My wife and I were not in the lifestyle and had never even been to a nude beach. So,we were feeling a bit overwhelmed before we got to DRM and talked a lot about our “guardrails”. However, after a day there we were like “f**k it this is fun and sexy so lets have some fun”. We then proceeded to check off a number of “things” that we had not planned on doing haha. Our guardrails turned into more of guidelines that could be moved a bit.

Room: We stayed in one of the new Seductive Garden Swim Up Suites. We had room 2601 which was adjacent to the new Eden pool and path everyone took to get to the Eden rooms. It was also in line of sight to the stairs going up to the new hot tub and disco. We felt secluded but we were completely exposed and we ended up really enjoying getting naked and having everyone look at us haha. The room was very large and beautiful but expensive. Definitely worth it for our first time as we acclimated to the environment. Our butlers were amazing (Raphael, Jonathan and “G”).

Food: We ate at all of the restaurants and all were good. Some meals were better than others and none were amazing but all were solid. We had our butler reserve us a different restaurant every evening so we could taste them all. Our main issue was that some of the courses would be served cold and not fresh (not a lot). Other than that, overall very good.

Pools / Hot Tub / Disco : As people have mentioned on the forums before, the energy is dependent on who is there. We stayed six nights and got a taste of everything including DRMs 21st anniversary party.
Pools:
New Eden Pool: This pool is always full of energy and mostly naked people. Super fun and a great option to meet people with a younger energetic feel to it. However, for us, there were a few late nights that had us wanting a relaxed and quiet day. On these days we went to the old pool which we ended up calling the “Romantic Pool”. No open sex at the new Eden pool.

Romantic Pool: This was a great option to just relax and read, etc. Sex does happen here and we saw a number of couples enjoying themselves the both days we were there. We really loved having this option to decompress after a late night.

Hot Tub: The new hot tub was great. The first night we were there it was packed (4:30 to 6:30). Standing room only. Sex also was happening consistently in the evenings on the beds. However, the hot tub was never that crowded later in the evening or after midnight. But there were always one or two couples getting it on once the sun went down.

Beds / couches / lounges next to the hot tub: Great area and every night it was being used. Some nights there were 2-3-4 couples but on Friday night every single spot was taken by one or more couples. At one point I think there were over 40 people playing at the same time. Wow!!!!

Disco: The new disco was amazing. Smoke, lights, great sound system, lighted floor and f**king sexy people getting sweaty. Without the disco our stay would not have been nearly as fun. My wife is NOT a dancer and by day two she was looking forward to it and pulling me on the dance floor.

Sin Room: Great room with I think six beds and a sex chair or two. Overall I think this could use some changes because it wasn’t being used that much. I think what’s happening is that folks are dancing at the disco and then heading directly outside to the hot tub and beds for play. Because the outside area is so close to the disco the sin room isn’t that necessary. In my opinion, they need to make the sin room more festive and lively like the disco so it’s different from the outside. I think this could drive more people into it to experience something different.

Some evening highlights from the trip:

Day 1: Theme was uniforms. My wife dressed up as a sexy stewardess and I was a captain. She was super uncomfortable and almost didn’t participate. So I went out to the daily 9:30pm pre-show that started with sexy themed dancers / DJ and then a live band. Wanted to see what folks were wearing. Got my wife to come out and check it out as well. She decided to participate (she’s tall, slender and smoking hot) and never looked back. We danced until 2AM and by the time we left her top was off! We then had sex on our “sex chair” in front of our glass sliding doors. Dipping our toes haha.

Day 2: This was DRMs 21st anniversary party. Theme was supposed to be Angels and Devils but because of the anniversary party (circus themed) they also added circus costumes. Overall fun night but the anniversary party went on a bit too long and it was quite windy outside. While getting pizza and a BLT downstairs from the disco (open most of the night) we met a great couple that we ended up partying with the next couple nights.

Day 3: Theme was Latin Night: Okay, got to tell you that this night was so smoking HOT and sexy. The “sexy scale” we set here will be forever hard to beat. We met a very fun couple the night before and they introduced us to four other attractive couples at the disco. The ladies were so sexy and into each other. At some point fireball shots started for the ladies and next thing you know their tops were off. All the ladies started making out and then fireball was being drizzled and then kissed, licked and sucked off of tits and nipples. Holy f**k!!! Then we all ended up naked in someone's hot tub. Won’t go into details but damn it was sexy and fun. Before the evening was over my wife and I ended it up on one of the beds by the hot tub. Checked off a number of bucket list items!

Day 4: Theme night Lace Dreams: No expectations this night as we were both pretty tired. For dinner we sat next to a super nice couple that’s in the LS. They asked us if we wanted to play / soft swap but this wasn’t something we had on our list to do so we declined politely. Sure our boundaries had moved but not quite that much. We ended up back at the pre-disco party and naturally gravitated to the people we met the night before. We ended up back at the disco dancing and at some point we were asked to parallel play with one of the couples from the night before. We said yes and we ended up outside on one of the beds next to the hot tub. Turned into my wife's favorite memory of the trip. Found out after that we put on a fun show haha. There was a bit of soft swap between the ladies but nothing more.

Day 5: Theme night 69 shades of desire: Pretty tame evening but we did do the daily 9:30pm party and disco. My wife had on custom leather BDSM gear and knocked it out of the park. Both sexy and real. Meaning most people didn’t go full BDSM so she stood out in the crowd. All 6’2” of her in her 4” heals. I had a horse crop and got to spank her throughout the evening. What’s better than that?

Day 6: Theme night Greek Gods: Sorry to say, even though my wife was stunning again, we were in bed after dinner. 8am departure from DRM.

(On day 6 we also did the seductive massage in the afternoon. I know some people have been complaining about it, that it’s not like it used to be. Well, based on our experience I’m not sure what it used to be because I can’t imagine much more.

1. Once you check in your host takes you to the locker / changing room to get into slippers and a robe. Then they take you to a quiet room to lay on a bed and drink flavored water.
2. From there you move to the massage room. In the massage room is a shower and hot tub. Your host makes sure you take a shower and scrub off completely. Yes we were both naked scrubbing each other down in front of her. Kinda sexy to be honest. From there we were helped into the hot tub and the host opened a bottle of champagne and poured two glasses. She then left.
3. After 15 minutes or so our two masseuses came in. For us two ladies. They helped us out of the hot tub and my wife onto her massage bed. I had brought some toys so I asked my masseuse if we could use them and she said yes so we set them up while my wife was face down and couldn’t see.
4. Massage starts on the back for 30 or so minutes, then you get flipped over for the front. About 10 minutes in they start slowly working you up. Full touching and stroking, seductive groaning in your ear etc.. “SNIP” …. I had too much info. In short they only used their hands but did most anything you can imagine. Both of us had amazing orgasms.
5. After that you can sit in the sauna, steam room and then shower.

Best things we brought based on forum recommendations:
1. Yeti cup - Best idea ever.
2. $1, $5 bills. Lots of them for tips.
3. Notebook for names.
4. Clips for towels - Used these everyday as it was breezy most of the time.

Thanks again everyone. We’ll be back either this fall or next spring.