Nervous wife’s first time

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Nervous wife’s first time

Postby jd2121997 » Mon May 21, 2018 6:38 am

So me and my wife plan on making our first trip to RM somtime in 2019, we are a young couple and idk if its because of our age or just that shes not into the idea of doing things with other couples but id really like for this trip to loosen her up in that area. Is there any advice anyone can give me on this topic?
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby Explorer79 » Mon May 21, 2018 9:54 am

My general advice would be to make sure that everything you do with regards to the loosening up involves her 100%, ie open and honest communication between the two of you. Hopefully this is just stating the obvious, it's hard to tell from your post, but this is an important thing, whatever you two do you have to be on the same page, both for your own sake and that of others.

Also, generally speaking it's probably the best plan to have no specific plan with regards to others. What I mean is that it's good to have a goal to have a great experience with your wife and any potential activities with your wife and others happen more organically vs having a goal of we are going to do xyz or whatever particular act. Things almost never work out like the plan, and remember there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby STL-MO-CPL » Mon May 21, 2018 9:55 am

I know it’s hard for your wife to trust some anonymous guy on the internet, but she can rest assured that a trip to Desire doesn’t in any way mean that you have to even touch another person one single time. You are not beholden to anyone just because you’re in the hot tub. The general rule is that people should always seek out enthusiastic consent before touching another guest. The beauty of the resort is that you can just hang out by yourself under an umbrella and read books all day, or you can be the wild and crazy ringleader for body shots at the pool bar each day. It’s up to you how outgoing you want to be. Don’t feel pressured to do a darn thing you don’t want to do. It’s your vacation, spend it how you wish. No pressure!
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby Powderfinger » Mon May 21, 2018 11:34 am

jd2121997 wrote:idk if its because of our age or just that shes not into the idea of doing things with other couples


You should know, and need to know, before hoping for the trip to "loosen her up". The most important thing is to communicate with your spouse. Talk to her, there needs to be no "idk"'s. Next, repeat that most important thing, and keep repeating it until you know exactly how she feels. Not knowing her feelings beforehand is a recipe for disaster, which we've seen play out a time or two down there, and it's not a pretty thing.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby jd2121997 » Mon May 21, 2018 12:03 pm

Explorer79 wrote:My general advice would be to make sure that everything you do with regards to the loosening up involves her 100%, ie open and honest communication between the two of you. Hopefully this is just stating the obvious, it's hard to tell from your post, but this is an important thing, whatever you two do you have to be on the same page, both for your own sake and that of others.

Also, generally speaking it's probably the best plan to have no specific plan with regards to others. What I mean is that it's good to have a goal to have a great experience with your wife and any potential activities with your wife and others happen more organically vs having a goal of we are going to do xyz or whatever particular act. Things almost never work out like the plan, and remember there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.





I can tell you right now shes completely not open to alot of things. She says she doesn’t wanna do things with other couples but my thing is that id really like it if we could at least talk to a couple and see what happens. I honestly feel like she may be more open to something once she sees it happening or once a certain situation breaks the ice. She is open to doing an erotic massage. We plan on going for a week so im hoping sometime in that week she can be more open. Im not really expecting anything major such as a full swap but if we could do some soft swap or even her and a lady friend getting a little hot with eachother that would be great. My goal really is just to try and open a new door to experiences and see where things can take us.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby NWABVCpl » Mon May 21, 2018 2:39 pm

As others have stated, open and honest communication is the key. From your last post, it seems you already know the answer. You can't force the lifestyle on someone who is not open to it. She either is cool with at least seeing where things can lead or she isn't. Dont force the issues unless you simply don't want a relationship anymore. We too have observed what happens at Desire when one party is trying to push the issue. It is not pretty. Go with open minds and see where life takes you. She may surprise you and meet a wife she really clicks with and then it will be her idea. I say let it be her idea, not yours.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby red88vette » Mon May 21, 2018 2:44 pm

We were newbies last year to Desire, but not to au natural. As others have said, be sure the both of you are in alignment on what is ok and what is not. Baby steps. For us opening the door was not with other couples but enjoying ourselves surrounded by other guest and friends. It gave us an exhilaration we had not experienced before. Maybe sex on your balcony or patio, that was our first ice breaker. Then just go with the flow. Enjoy meeting and chatting with all the other guests, they are great. On the 2nd trip she invited me into the sin room, then a bed around the Jacuzzi. Let her take the lead, at least that has worked for us.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby TwoBeachBums » Mon May 21, 2018 2:49 pm

Communication is the key. Just make sure she knows that she is in charge and that you will not ask her to go where she is not comfortable.

I highly recommend the Art of Touch sessions as a way to allow her to explore I a safe setting.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby Explorer79 » Mon May 21, 2018 2:59 pm

I'll second the notion that be sure to let her know that there will be no pressure from others, in fact if anything being new might actually make it more difficult to hook something up, which might not actually be a bad thing. The reason I say this is that at Desire our experience has been overwhelmingly that the other couples have high respect for everyone else's relationships, the last thing anyone wants is to be a part of causing someone else trouble. Also, some will silently pass on anyone new just to avoid potential drama especially given that there are limited days available - this doesn't mean anything bad, nothing personal here, just potential drama is for sure more likely with someone new and its been pretty universal that one thing that everyone wants to avoid is drama.

Looking back at our first trip, we can definitely see where this happened to us (the passing over, not the drama lol). At the time we didn't notice, people were always very friendly hanging out, socializing etc..., all great and positive interactions. But after having gained some experience reading the signals, in hindsight we noticed the subtle shift with some couples after we said "we are new".
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby Explorer79 » Mon May 21, 2018 3:05 pm

jd2121997 wrote:I can tell you right now shes completely not open to alot of things. She says she doesn’t wanna do things with other couples but my thing is that id really like it if we could at least talk to a couple and see what happens. I honestly feel like she may be more open to something once she sees it happening or once a certain situation breaks the ice. She is open to doing an erotic massage. We plan on going for a week so im hoping sometime in that week she can be more open. Im not really expecting anything major such as a full swap but if we could do some soft swap or even her and a lady friend getting a little hot with eachother that would be great. My goal really is just to try and open a new door to experiences and see where things can take us.


I think if you take the advice of others in this thread that you will have a good trip. The environment itself (mostly due to the quality of people) has a way of lowering concerns and inhibitions and promotes a sexy environment, but in a way that's safe and that you control what you do or not do. So in the end, the choice of what to explore are up to you which is part of the fun - having the experience together. The good thing with having a week is there is plenty of time to get into the flow of Desire, whatever that ends up being for you.

Another recommendation - join the groups for the month that you are going. It helps tremendously being able to chat and get to know others before you go. There will almost certainly be other first timers and it really helps when getting comfortable, I think you'll quickly find others with similar plights.

For us, any nervousness faded away within like 10 minutes of being at Desire, we saw some people we met on the Yahoo group and had instant friends - a friendship that remains to this day.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby jd2121997 » Mon May 21, 2018 4:55 pm

TwoBeachBums wrote:Communication is the key. Just make sure she knows that she is in charge and that you will not ask her to go where she is not comfortable.

I highly recommend the Art of Touch sessions as a way to allow her to explore I a safe setting.




Im really interested in the art of touch sessions i hope they still have it when i go. Does anyone know what they intail i havent seen tok much on them.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby marriedwbenefitskc » Sun Sep 02, 2018 11:40 am

Dude if you go in with any expectation other than a good time, bad hinges may happen. Women can smell manipulation a mile a away. He’ll we can smell it and will not participate with a couple if we sense one is pushing. Desire is the best place on earth for anyone to push their boundaries a little. He weirdest thing about Desire is that it’s not that weird at all. I always say it’s the nicest group of perverts you’ll ever meet. Let her come and enjoy. If you’re a man about it (don’t let it effect you and don’t push) if she’s into she’ll be pulling you in. If you taint it you’ll be the kid having to sit poolside while the rest of us are having fun.
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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby Bisous » Tue Sep 04, 2018 8:28 am

If this is your first time, the idea of the vacation and beliefs of "expectations" by not just your spouse, but by others is overwhelming and makes most people uptight beforehand. We still get them a little bit and we have been to the resorts 5 times! The thing that helps us (everyone is different) is for me to ask her what she wants to do and what is fun to her - i.e. dressing up in the theme wear to go dancing, lying on a beach bed while reading/enjoying a cold drink, taking a look at the activities on the schedule, etc.. She if she throws out anything adventurous and have fun with that. The fact she is open to the erotic massage is a great place to start - anything that puts on a wicked smile on her face. Make it fun to talk about and build on that - especially if she wants to wear sexy attire for the theme nights and go dancing - spending time looking and shopping for outfits is always a great way to build on the enthusiasm (don't forget to ask her if she wants you to wear something.) When you arrive, you both will probably will find that it feels more natural/less scary that you envisioned and just let her drive. It may not be the limits of your fantasy, but if she feels comfortable and in control, you will have plenty of fun.

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Re: Nervous wife’s first time

Postby GoldCoCouple » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:02 pm

You need to have a good talk BEFORE you go. Find out what her limits are and DO NOT TRY TO VIOLATE THEM. She will have a better time and be more open to suggestions if she KNOWS you are not trying to force her to do anything she is uncomfortable with. The keys to being successful swingers is love, trust, and communication. There is no such thing as too much love, trust or communication so work on having as much as possible of each. If she sees that you are not trying to put her into an uncomfortable situation (that she can trust you and what you said), she might be more willing to give you an inch when you are there. Just keep talking even when you are on site and see what happens. If she thinks you are trying to trick or trap her, things will not go well. I assume that she is already okay with being nude? This is the first step. Just take it easy, DO NOT apply any pressure, and enjoy your vacation. Anything else is to be considered a huge bonus. Let us know how things go...
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