We set out on Monday 3/2/15 for what we hoped would be a relaxing and sensual experience. Little did we know that in less than 4 days we would have discovered paradise, met some GREAT new friends, taken our marriage to a whole new level…and maybe even discovered that we’re into a bit more than we thought.
We arrived at Desire at 11am on Monday. The flight there was uneventful…except for the very end where the pilot activated the hydraulics and we hooptied our way into Cancun. For some reason Mrs. Throb didn’t enjoy that, but I thought it was great. Kind of sad he didn’t also kick on some thumping bass…but I guess you can’t have everything. USA Transfers was amazing!! They emailed us instructions which, amongst other things, said to not stop when leaving the airport for ANY reason. Apparently they know a bit more than we do about Mexico, being that this was our first trip. A dude approached us and, when Mrs. Throb and I told him that we already have transportation booked, he informed us that he was with USA Transfers. He said that he just needed to go over some info with us before we left. (This was……..wait for it………………..A LIE!!) He also informed us that our driver’s name was Jose. I still say that even though he himself was Hispanic…..that’s just racist!! When we FINALLY got outside, the real people from USA Transfers were waiting there and promptly informed us that the guy inside wasn’t with them and was a total douchebag. (She didn’t say that out loud…but I read it in her eyes.) The drive to the resort was pleasant, friendly, and filled with laughter as our driver, whose name was really Ruben, engaged in some good-natured teasing about my complete lack of any Spanish vocabulary. (Mrs. Throb speaks enough to keep me from embarrassing myself)
When we walked into the lobby and the 3rd person had told us, “Welcome Home”, I knew that everything I had read on the forums was going to be true. From the moment we stepped out of the van on to the property, we were treated with kindness, friendliness, and what seemed to be a genuine sense of happiness amongst the staff. Since our room wasn’t ready we changed into our swimsuits and headed down to grab a drink and have lunch. (I can hear the experienced among you screaming “SWIMSUITS???” but don’t worry…we’ll get there.)
Side note: If you drank with me at any point during our trip…you already know this is how I tell stories. It may take an hour to get there…..but by god I’ll get there!!!
We went to the pool bar for a drink, and Mrs. Throb promptly removed her top. Just like that, no hesitation…..she is AWESOME! As for Mr. Throb…well……it took me a bit, though I did take off my top too…if that counts for anything. A great lunch at Tentazione was followed by getting our room key, another couple of drinks, and our luggage. We had an ocean view room, and that’s not just a vague description. We could literally see the ocean maybe 50 yards from our door. The photos attached are as I was standing in the doorway. The room was great, always very clean and well stocked. And every time we saw a maid they all asked if we needed anything at all. SWEET!!! We also enjoyed just sitting on the little patio area when we needed a break from the sun, relaxing with each other and enjoying the ocean.
I’m at 600 something words…..so I think I better start summing things up so that I have room for the accolades. For the record, we both started day 2 naked and stayed that way as long as possible.
Food/Dining: We had lunch at Tentazione every day, and it was great. Never had the same thing twice, and if you don’t want what’s on the buffet they’ll grill you up anything you want. (We both highly recommend the chicken quesadillas). Sahlo was very classy and sensual, and the food reflected that atmosphere. Our first dinner there was very intimate with just the two of us, and our second was wonderful as it featured our new friends, the Pewterschmidts, who quickly became our partying posse (more on them later). El Arricife has a special place in my heart for two very important reasons. 1---they had bacon EVERY morning. 2---they had a Mexican buffet the first night we were there. Tacos al Carbon you say?? Color me addicted!!!! Suki was really fun as it was with both the Pewterschmidts and the Crossfitters. I think some really great conversation happened there. My new soul-mate, Mr. Pewterschmidt, introduced me to their spring rolls…if you ask nicely they’ll bring you a double order. However, Mrs. Throb apparently frowns upon me sticking my fingers in the sauces to see what they taste like. Hey…they were clean!! (until later…) Pizza at the lobby bar after partying has ruined us for life. Now all other pizza is extremely inferior. Oh…and for some reason El Arricife has the BEST coffee in the entire resort. I don’t know how or why, but that’s the place for coffee.
Aquatic Activities: This being our first time, we had never seen the pool before the renovations. We did however think that it was just great!! If it got too warm, the swim up bar was always shaded, and always good for some conversation. Volleyball and trivia were fun to watch, and just floating and relaxing was easy to do if you want. The ocean wasn’t bad…we went in a few times. A little chilly at first, but once you were in it felt very nice! And it was nice to walk along the beach with the sexy Mrs. Throb by my side…made me feel kind of like a movie star. Or like Rocky right after he trained with Apollo but before the awkward man-hug. The hot tub…………
Ohhhhhhhhh the hot tub.
We went a couple of times in the afternoon, and it was neat and fun. But we REALLY preferred the evenings. There were less people, more room, the water temperature was perfect for the atmosphere, and the vibe was AMAZING!!
The first night we spent in the tub was really fun! The Pewterschmidts and the Crossfitters were hanging out; we had great conversation, and ended with Mrs. Throb and me in one of the beds. I had read about this area, and I wasn’t sure what to expect…maybe some depraved sexual debauchery along the lines of Caligula or something. What I DIDN’T expect was a very sexy and sensual setting (AHA…Alliteration!!) which helped the missus and I experience one of the greatest sexual encounters of our entire marriage. I’ll spare everyone the gory details, (though if you want to hear them just let us know in the comments…I have no filter and love over-sharing) and just say that it was romantic, sexy, dirty, sensual, fun, exciting, and a bunch of other words in the thesaurus in front of me.
The second night was sliiiiiightly different than the first. We were there with the Pewterschmidts, and things got a little frisky in the disco. We headed up to the hot tub and it progressed from there. Once we made it to the chairs (all the beds were taken) Mrs. Throb and I experienced something that we’d NEVER done before, and really didn’t think we ever would! They really helped us step out of our comfort zone and experience something pretty f**king wonderful. Ok…I’ll admit…it was MY comfort zone previously holding us back…not Mrs. Throb’s. (At this point Mrs. Throb suggested that I add the fact that they popped our cherry…and we’re extremely grateful. Very true.) I thought that this might make things awkward at breakfast, but I was totally wrong. It was just 4 friends having breakfast…and that was great.
Staff: As everyone has pointed out previously, the staff is amazing. Literally every person we talked to or saw seemed happy to see us, and extraordinarily helpful. Not a single bad apple in the bunch. But we have to give special mention to one person in particular. Alfredo in the lobby bar was not only the best service we received at Desire…but the best service we’ve EVER had. Every single night he was in a great mood, remembered our names and drinks right away, greeted us like we were old friends and he was happy to see us. We learned about his wife and kids, he learned about ours, and he was genuinely a joy to be around. DO NOT miss the chance to talk to him, as we both feel it enhanced an already awesome experience.
Bars: Pool bar was great, both swim up side and dry side. Hot tub bar was great, also both sides. Disco bar, also great. But the lobby bar……that’s where it was at!! We’ve already mentioned Alfredo, but the other guys were great too. And the atmosphere…fantastic!!! It’s the perfect place to go before dinner for a drink, after dinner for a drink, then more drinks, and the people you meet there…outstanding.
Hey……great segue!!
The People: There’s a reason that everyone talks about the people you meet…and that reason is that the people you meet are f**king GREAT!!! We’ll give special attention in the accolades section after this, but they’re just awesome in general. Everyone was very friendly; you can always find someone willing to strike up a conversation, and who knows…you might just make friends or have a connection with someone. You just have to say hello, and take it from there. Trust me on this, I ran into Mr. Pewterschmidt…a hetero soul-mate that I didn’t know existed. Ten minutes after meeting we were doing karate and breaking boards in the garage, expressing our love for both Velociraptors and John Stamos. We found Mrs. Pewterschmidt equally awesome and Mrs. Throb will be the first to admit that she was fixated on her breasts pretty much the entire time. What a sexy couple.
Accolades: Ok, here’s the fun part. Let’s see if we can pull this off and keep it anonymous at the same time.
-To the Aussies at the lobby bar…I may not be a pommie or an abo…but how could you not guess we we’re from Texas?? Canada’s not even close!!
-To the German, you were just f**king hilarious. And don’t worry…you’ll learn the language soon! And to his Mexican wife…we’re sorry you had to work so much, but you were super nice!
-To the Blue Water couple…thanks for giving us some great tips, advice, and conversation. It was awesome to meet y’all. And thanks for stopping us before we walked a mile for no reason!!!
-To the Crossfitters…you guys were great. We really enjoyed spending a few evenings with y’all, and dinner too. I thought our conversation at Suki, while unexpectedly real and honest, was both fun and informative. Don’t take it too much to heart…our kids may drive us insane, but we wouldn’t trade them for the world. I think whatever y’all ultimately decide; you’ve both got a great life ahead of you. Mr. Crossfitter, I still say it looks like blond streaks, I really didn’t notice the grey. And get on that bathroom door situation, will you?? Mrs. Crossfitter, Mrs. Throb says you have a “banging” body and she appreciated it. She was also glad to be able to talk shop for a little bit that first night. We really, REALLY hope that you both didn’t die during your scuba lesson the morning we left, because that would suck so badly. So we’re gonna just imagine that it went well and you’re both getting dive certified now.
-To the Pewterschmidts…wow. We’ve already said quite a bit, but in the spirit of gushing we’ll continue. Mr. Pewterschmidt, I’m glad that we could work through your issues and really get to the heart of the problem. And in return, thank you for helping me get over my issues as well! Though, this may be the first time you realized that y’all helped with that. I’m proud to be a member of the G&T club, even though it makes us 80 year old Jewish ladies. Cheers to you Babushka! Hopefully we’ll end up down there at the same time again one day, because you guys were just plain awesome, and it would be a real shame to never get to hang out again. It really, really enhanced our trip by meeting y’all. Mrs. Pewterschmidt, thanks for driving Mrs. Throb crazy…it led to some very good times for us. Also, it was awesome that you joined me in giggling like schoolchildren on the hot tub chairs. Probably the most inappropriate place/time that could happen…but I’m VERY glad it wasn’t just me!!!! Thank you both for your company, and for helping us (stealing your line Mr. Crossfitter) “dip a toe in.” That was a great experience, and it couldn’t have happened with better people. Can you guess what our conversations have been about for the past few days? Yeah. Oh, and for the record…I’m all sweaty because I was watching COPS.
Random parting thoughts/Things we noticed:
-When they say nobody gives a shit about what you look like or what you’re doing, they mean it. Get naked and lose your inhibitions. Seriously, nobody cares. Try something new. Make new and exciting memories with new and exciting people. Even if you go into the trip with no expectations, keep an open mind. Anything can happen there!
-Learn quickly to be on “Desire” time. Stay up late, sleep in, and take naps.
-This is the first time I’ve ever had a hickey on the head of my………...well…………yeah.
-Spray on sunscreen is great, but it kind of burns for a second when it hits my balls. (Disclaimer: Make sure you wash that shit off before it goes into anyone’s mouth! Mrs. Throb was less than pleased.)
-I’m not saying that people were peeing in the pool…..but I just don’t see how you can drink for 7 hours straight and not get out once.
-Damn those little lizards are fast!
-Our return flight was delayed, so we spent 4.5 hours in the Cancun airport with no air conditioning. I don’t know if they just don’t have air conditioning, or if it was broken. But that was literally the only time I actually wanted to go home.
Pros: Literally everything. Cons: We aren’t there every day.
-We WILL find a way to get back down there. Don’t know when, don’t know how……but we WILL find a way.
So thank you all for reading, sorry for the length but the place made such an impact on us that we just couldn’t contain it. Here are some photos to make up for it.
... so, we'll definitely need to take the sting off that birthday somehow!! 
