LONG Report - June 12-22, 2015

[Draguin]

My wife and I (E & P, respectively) celebrated our honeymoon at Desire RM from June 12 - June 22. It was a long trip and this will be a lengthy report. I was active in reading and following these forums in the months leading up to our trip, and I am hoping to elaborate and fill in some lingering questions we had that weren’t clearly answered here before our trip. Hopefully, this will be helpful to new and returning couples about what to expect with this resort. It will be assumed that the reader has a basic understanding of the resort layout, schedule, routine, rules, and etiquette, all of which can be easily found in other threads. The report will be split into two posts, a day-by-day blow of what we did and experienced, and a detailed breakdown/review of each aspect of the resort. The only people we will mention by name are staff members.

Quick background on us: We are a (obviously) newlywed couple on our honeymoon, early 30’s from Maryland, USA. This was our second trip to RM, the first being in March 2013, before the pool/restaurant renovations and whatever behind-the-scenes ownership/staff changes happened with the closing of Los Cabos. If you want labels, we are nudists/exhibitionists/voyeurs, completely monogamous, but don’t fret over a friendly flirt, kiss, or grope as long as it’s not creepy or awkward. This is written by the (male) husband, from my perspective, with my wife’s input, approval, and edits.

So it begins!

Friday, June 12

So happy that Southwest flies direct to Cancun now! The Cancun airport was certainly busy, especially at baggage claim, but people flowed through pretty quickly. We used USA Transfers, which was just as simple and smooth as last time. The best advice we’ve seen...latch onto your luggage and spouse, keep your head down and ignore everybody until you get outside, then find your transport company. Got to Desire, checked-in with champagne, got a rules recap, and scheduled a membership pitch (worth it for the coupon). Room was ready and stocked with a bottle of champagne and a Honeymoon cheesecake to welcome us. Gave ourselves a quick tour and ended at the (packed) hot tub for drinks and acclimation. Went back to the room to properly celebrate our arrival, get ready for dinner, then went to the Lobby bar for a drink. Espresso Martini from Joaquin was perfect pretty much every evening. Went to the buffet (El Arrecife) for Italian Night, then made the common error of taking a nap, from which my wife never awoke. I went down in time for the show (Circus Night), got a drink and cigar to relax and watch. The entertainment staff (Jay & Emily) started with a hula-hoop contest, which I’m pretty sure was a stall tactic, and dragged it out way past when it stopped being entertaining. Not much they could do if the performers weren’t ready on time. The actual show was pretty good, a 3 song acrobatic set done with a male & female dancer/acrobat and a female singer. They did a floor routine, a little pole dance, and a hanging hoop thing. Everyone was herded up to the disco for the next show, a stripshow. Again, it was a 3 song set. The first two songs were solo strippers who each pulled a guy on stage for a lapdance. The third song was all 3 strippers who pulled a lady on stage and stripped her naked, then the strippers got topless. I headed home after the shows and joined my wife in bed.

Sat. & Sun, June 13 & 14 - Tropical Storm Bill

We woke up to a downpour - Tropical Depression Bill. The staff was doing an admirable job of providing towels to dry people off and manage the rain as best they could. It was two days of tropical rain/wind. Yes, the resort generally flooded and leaked. Our balcony and lower step of our room flooded. It wasn’t fun, but it was a massive storm. It’s been covered in other posts. The staff was awesome, constantly wrapping towels around guests, finding umbrellas, squeegeeing floors and laying towels down. The entertainment staff tried setting up the casino tables, a live singer in the buffet, karaoke, a trip to a downtown mall, and a massage class. We didn’t hear about the massage class, and the mall trip was cancelled because the mall was flooded as well. But we can’t fault the staff at all for the weekend. We generally spent the weekend running to get food, watching tv, napping, and “napping.” Went to the gym a couple times, it finally closed Sunday late morning. The disco was up and running Saturday, there was leaking, but it was being managed (we heard the Sin Room was closed though). It was the Masquerade Night, although almost no one participated. They had a Chippendales Show, 4 guys (including Jay from the entertainment staff) did a simultaneous strip show, pulling 4 ladies on stage. We did some dancing, and with the Sin Room closed and rain outside, we went home. Sunday was a total wash until dinner. Everything was shut down, TV and Wifi finally went out, power was coming in and out. The rain finally stopped mid-afternoon. We went to Sahlo’s for dinner, then dressed for Schoolgirl night. They had a live band in the lobby bar and a male & female stripper in the Disco. The male was really funny and entertaining. They each did a solo dance with a guest, and then did a combined dance. We headed to the Sin Room, then got Lobby Bar pizza (Bacon!) and went to sleep. I had gone a little mental from cabin fever over the weekend and came out swinging for the night’s festivities. As such, I don’t clearly remember all of it, but it was fun and we took quick notes for that purpose.

Monday, June 15

Sun! I woke up and went to get some espresso from the Lobby Bar (Eduardo hooked me up every morning), then woke up my bride and went to the pool. All the extra beds are a great upgrade over just the lounge chairs, we had a bed everyday. Headed to the breakfast buffet, then back out to the sun and pool. E won a movie theme song contest, got a shirt. I played water volleyball and beach volleyball. I have a bum knee, so that was the end of beach volleyball for my trip, but it was a fun round. Emily served as the “human sushi” during lunch (palm leaves and sushi rolls displayed on her back/legs). E went to the gym while I was playing volleyball, then we went to the hot tub for a bit. The Sun is generally blaring over the hot tub, so there isn’t much going on at the beds. They should figure out some kind of canopy for the beds at least, if not the whole hot tub. We went to Suki for dinner tonight, not hibachi, just sushi and plated dinner. Monday was the “Desire Mansion”, which wasn’t a theme we were terribly interested in. We treated this as our official “Honeymoon” night and stayed in our room enjoying each other.

Tuesday, June 16

I woke up, got my espresso, and went to reserve a pool bed again. Shade is important to us (we burn easily) and their bed canopies were being laundered/repaired from the storm. They still only had a handful of canopies by the time we left. So, I tried to get there as soon as I woke to get a shady bed. Eventually, E joined me and we went to breakfast then settled in. They did aqua aerobics every morning, although we didn’t join in, we did have fun watching them from the pool bar with another couple. By this point, Emily and Jay were gone for a 2-week vacation, so the entertainment staff was reduced to Logan, Angel, and Lee (who we loved, but that’ll be the next post). I got enrolled in a simple football target throw contest and lost, and again played water volleyball (I played everyday, I’ll stop mentioning it). Their lunch special was a taco bar, which was very good. Three different meat/filling combos with the standard onion/lime/cilantro sauce as toppings. After E’s gym visit, we were back at the hot tub in the afternoon, then back to the room to relax and shower. We had dinner plans at El Arrecife with a lovely couple, it was French Night. We didn’t have outfits planned for “Bare as you Dare”, but headed down to the lobby for the reggae band. That was a lot of fun, very different than anything else Desire offered. We did some dancing and laughing and fell into our own little happy, loving world for the night. Skipped the disco and went to the hot tub, then grabbed some pizza before bed.

Wednesday, June 17

This was a tough morning for both of us. We slept in and had a hard time groggily getting up. Eventually managed to get a pool bed and breakfast, and spent the morning lying in the shade. During lunch, Angel was laid out as the “human dessert” with fruit and whipped cream on his chest. I felt bad for him as a rather forceful lady took it upon herself to move dessert to his crotch (he was wearing shorts) and eventually work her hand down his pants. Angel was stuck trying to defend himself and play good sport at the same time, and Lee was trying to help him, but she was on a mission. After lunch, gym (E), and volleyball (P), we headed home to relax. We attempted to order some room service, mostly because we never had, by just hitting 0 on the phone. It was answered by someone who didn’t know what was on the menu, said he would put the order in, and we never got any food. E also tried calling to make a dinner reservation, and after several calls back and forth (the operator wouldn’t just give us Sahlo’s #), we were told their only open time was 9:00 and we had a reservation. Since room service never came, we decided to go to the buffet early before our dinner, and with all the issues, I stopped by Sahlo’s to confirm our reservation. They didn’t have our reservation and had openings all night, so I made an 8:00 reservation. Moral of the story….there is a “Guest Services” extension, and you should use it. So, light dinner at El Arricefe, Lobby bar for a small (4 bottle) wine tasting, back to dinner at Sahlo’s. This was “Gala Night”, and the entertainment staff set up a few casino tables (Texas Hold ‘Em, BlackJack, and Roulette). Each table was manned by an entertainment staff member, there were no stakes, and a guest ended up dealing Blackjack. E ended up winning an insulated mug because time was up and everyone was forced to go all in. If you enjoy gambling, this isn’t for you. We took it easy in the hot tub, then went to bed.

Thursday, June 18

Same morning routine...espresso, pool bed, breakfast. We decided to swing by yoga today, something we enjoyed on our previous trip. Logan was the instructor, about 5 people showed up. We did about half hour of basic stretching and yoga sequences, then Logan’s acrobat training kicked in. He helped us all get into headstands and tripods, then put me in the center to demonstrate some partner balance stuff. He did a headstand on my knees, then helped everyone else get up into a headstand using me as the base. It was certainly unexpected and quite a lot of fun. We relaxed a bit, got a quick lunch, then had our Erotic Massage appointment (see next post for details). Went back to the pool, played volleyball, back to the room. We generally weren’t going to the hot tub in the afternoon because of the sun. Dinner was at El Arricefe...it was supposed to be Aphrodisiac Night, but that apparently got switched to International Night, which wasn’t particularly great. There was a large group at the resort (not a scheduled takeover), so the festivities tonight were packed and hopping. It was Neon/Glow Night with a live band and a ton of fun. Lots of people dancing, lots of theme participation. The disco show may have been running a bit late today, Logan was doing some tumbling/acrobatics on the dance floor to kill time. He pulled me on stage to do the headstand thing we had done that morning...I had no idea that was coming, but it worked out well. There was a decent dance routine in the disco, then we went to get some pizza since dinner was a bit disappointing. Hot Tub for a while after that, then a rather late crash to bed.

Friday, June 19

Late night means late morning...neither of us got up until 9:30 or so. The resort had filled up over the past couple days, and there were only two beds left by the time we got down there...mental note to get up earlier for a good bed. Quick breakfast, then back to yoga again. Logan did a different yoga sequence today (4 participants), then added some new stunts and balancing acts at the end. Quick lunch, then waited for the Foam Party. They did a “fashion show” before the foam party, which was basically just models wearing stuff from the gift shop (with tags attached) and walking around the pool. It was way too long, but it was amusing listening to a very bored Angel reciting the same script with different colors for each outfit. The foam party was fun, but a bit obnoxious at times. Walls of foam will come at you, even if you’re on the edges. Tight glasses or goggles are needed, and breathing can be difficult if you get enveloped. The foam does dissipate on contact, but it only takes one good inhale of foam to put you in a bad cycle of going underwater to rinse your face then coming up into more foam. We went home to rinse the foam off, then back to the pool for a while to get some snacks and relax. Dinner was at Suki, again not hibachi, then we got ready for the Circus Night. Same routines as the week before, but E had slept through it that time. There was no hula hoop contest this time, which was a plus for me. We did some dancing in the Disco, then headed to the hot tub. We had some fun in the chaises by the shower before we got in the tub this time, which was very nice for us. Down for more pizza and sleep.

Saturday, June 20

We set an alarm to get a good pool bed, which was my job. Success...then back to bed. We both got up late, quick breakfast, and we were half an hour late to yoga...but we were also the only people who showed up. We spent an hour doing acrobatics, lifts, and balances and managed to get a few pictures. Got lunch with another couple we met in the hot tub, played pool volleyball, and eventually went to the hot tub and managed to get a shady spot and stayed a while. We had early Hibachi reservations and ended up being the only couple there for a private show. The dinner buffet had moved outside by the pool, and we stopped to check that out after walking on the beach and getting changed for the evening. It was Masquerade Night, with much better participation this time. The same live band was there from Thursday, playing the same set, but they were still good. E had fun dancing for/with the band’s lead singer and then doing a salsa with Angel (E has ballroom training). The Disco chippendale’s show was reduced to one male stripper, who still did a 3 song set. E was pulled on stage for a honeymoon dance. We stayed for a while dancing, then headed to the hot tub and got the same chaise chairs as last night. They worked out pretty well for us to avoid being wet and cold (not conducive to fun times).

Sunday, June 21

We slept through our alarm, and managed to get one of the last beds. Breakfast, then went for one last yoga session….but it had been cancelled without notice. One of the recurring issues at Desire is changing/cancelling events without warning. It’s unfortunate, but this trip was much better than our previous trip, so….progress? I was pulled into a contest when the entertainment staff struggled to find three volunteer couples. It was a little race across the pool, and I had to give E a lap dance. It was silly, but rather fun. They had a seafood paella at lunch, which was really good. Easily the best food at lunch our whole trip. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the pool, then went home to pack and get ready for dinner. We headed to Sahlo’s to get our favorites one last time. This was schoolgirl night again, so we got ready and went down for the band. They had one of the fountains covered with a plywood stage (don’t know why, it was never used) and Logan did some acrobatics on there, pulling both of us up there at different times. In the Disco was the same male/female strippers as last week. Both of us were pulled on stage separately by the male stripper (dancing with her, me helping him dance with another guest). Did some dancing, then went to the hot tub and chatted with some new friends until it was time for pizza and bed.

Monday, June 22

Our pick-up time was noon, so we woke up, got breakfast,and took our bags to the lobby. Saw the entertainment staff in there, said bye to them and checked out. There were a few other couples to find before we left, and we took one last walk around the resort. USA Transfers was on time and got us to the gate quickly...straight on through security and on our way back home.

Overall:
Generally speaking, our honeymoon was absolutely wonderful. Nothing is perfect and there are always areas to nitpick (which I’ll do in the next post), but we came here for our honeymoon to relax, bond, and spend time together. Desire made that easy for us to accomplish. I’m considering Tropical Storm Bill to be a fluke, and obviously not the resort’s fault, and am generally disregarding it. It happened...it sucked...we still had a great time after it passed. Food was good, with dinner obviously being a step above breakfast and lunch. I felt the need to try everything, and of course there were some disappointments at the buffets and there were also some good surprises. Drinks flowed easily and readily at all locations, with a couple mis-steps (attempting to order in Spanish resulted in a cup of water with a shot of tequila in it….not recommended). Staff across the board was amazing, with special honors going to Eduardo (Morning espresso), Sylvia (running drinks at the pool), Juaquin (Evening martini), and the short-staffed entertainment crew of Angel, Logan, and Lee. The simplest we can say is that we will be back many times, we hope the staff remains, and only wish for minor tweaks/adjustments/updates over the coming years. Thanks for reading, I hope it was useful, and if you want more detailed information, read the next post.

~Happy Honeymooners

[Draguin]

Here are the more detailed breakdowns/reviews of each area of the resort. They are only our observations/experiences with each category. I will do my best to not include conjecture, assumptions, or guesses. We will not mention things that we did not utilize (i.e. beach beds, suites, excursions).

Resort Facilities

The resort as a whole is a beautiful place. We love the look of the stucco/thatch with white stone paths. The landscaping was wonderful and well-maintained. We did have issues with palm leaves hanging over our room’s staircase and a couple paths. We love trees and hate to see them chopped up, but they may need to remove a few palm leaves here and there. Across the board, the resort was kept amazingly clean and simple issues were fixed as soon as they were noticed. The permanent structures do show their age, though. The staff keeps things clean, but unfixable wear & tear is evident with cracked tiles, chipped stone, scratched wood, etc. These items will require major shut-down/renovations, but they are noticeable. Hopefully, the outdoor lobby area is the next major renovation on the schedule (indoor lobby & disco are in good shape).
The new pool/restaurant is beautiful. All the extra beds around the pool were a great addition. We don’t know why it took so long to get the canopies back after the storm (they only had ~10 when we left a week later), but they are needed. Many beds were being covered with towels/sarongs for shade, ours included. The pool does already have floor tiles missing, leaving gaps and some sharp edges or corners. I’ve seen others on here complain about the condition of the resort...here’s my take. Yes, it’s an older resort and shows its age with wear & tear. However, everything we noticed that was damaged would require major rip-out & replacement, they’re not simple repairs. The resort will have to plan out a week(s) long shutdown and renovation like they did with the pool, and I hope they are. The resort is not “falling apart” as some might suggest, they just need to continue the renovations of the older rooms and lobby area. My one random thought is they need more clocks. It seemed like there was one clock that moved between the lobby bar and hot tub, so there was often no sense of time at all. If you like schedules or are worried about appointments/reservations, bring a watch.

Food

I’ll say right off that there is a big difference between the buffet meals (breakfast, lunch, and El Arrecife dinner) and the plated meals of Sahlo and Suki. For the buffets, they are generally above average for buffet food. This is mostly because of the large variety offered and the presence of the fresh grill at each meal. It may take some hunting, but everyone will be able to find something they enjoy at each meal. Service at the buffets was hit or miss. I don’t know how they manage tables, but there were times we sat ourselves (no staff at the entrance) and nobody ever came to get a drink order. Normally, the server who sits you will get your drinks. One lunch meal, I went to get a table/drinks while my wife went to get something from the room and came back. I sat at the table and was never approached for drinks (I wasn’t trying to flag someone down, was kind of testing to see if I could figure out their system). When my wife got back, we waited a few more minutes until she managed to grab a waiter. It was the only time our whole stay I felt truly neglected by the staff. The only real exceptional food from any buffet was the day they did a seafood paella. Other than that, it was hunting for the day’s good dish or defaulting to a grill item. Their ice cream is good, better flavor than most pints in stores.
The plated dinners were much better. I will say we’re borderline foodies, I enjoy cooking and taking on challenging dishes, and we both enjoy higher end restaurants when we can afford it. So take this with a grain of salt. Reservations are required for Sahlo and Suki Hibachi (they have the reservation books available at breakfast, pro tip). We tried everything at Sahlo (over 3 meals), it was mostly very good with a touch of weird. All the meals were beautiful, presentation is obviously a focus here. The overall flavor combinations and preparation was usually quite good. Some inconsistencies with overcooked duck and undercooked potatoes (once each). They have fun with foams and gels on several dishes which range from weird to inedible.
My general thought is that they try too hard for presentation and sacrifice quality food, which isn’t a philosophy I agree with. When a meal comes properly cooked, it’s very good, but there always seemed to be something off. Highlights include Grilled Octopus, Tomato Soup (it’s part a soup trio, but the other two aren’t very good...ask for the Tomato Soup in the bread bowl), Salmon & Risotto, Pasta w/ Truffle Sauce, Creme Brulee, Red Velvet (more of a cheesecake, really). Poor dishes were Lamb Meatball (fist-sized stuffed with way too much Blue Cheese), Apple Terrine (unsweetened apple gelatin).
We did 3 meals at Suki, one of which was hibachi. It was a standard hibachi meal, I won’t get into it other than it was quite good. The sushi menu is broken into 3 untranslated sections. We ordered from all of them and it seemed they were as follows: Top was standard rolled sushi, Middle was a seaweed cone-shape filled with the sushi, and Bottom was carpaccio-style (raw meats laid on a plate). We love sushi, and this was fairly mediocre. The carpaccio scallops were the best we had...very good. The entrees were much smaller and more elegant than Sahlo. The Tuna was rather good, and the duck was more properly cooked here. When there’s not a hibachi show, Suki is much quieter and intimate. There’s a long shared table in the middle, but we sat at the small table on the side.
Nighttime pizza is amazing. They also have BLTs and maybe some other things if you ask. But BLTs means bacon, which means bacon pizza. They were always good, thin, crisp crust and a perfect size for two people. Starts at 11:00, don’t miss it.

Bars

First off, we make it difficult for bartenders to remember our orders. I like to try new things, and my wife doesn’t drink alcohol. So, it’s hard for the bartenders to do anything other that lean over to get our order and make it. The Lobby Bar was where most of our drinks came from, and where the resort’s full espresso machine is. I did espresso in the mornings and a couple cappuccinos at night. Juaquin makes an awesome Espresso Martini if you enjoy coffee. I had one when he wasn’t working and it was not good, not enough sweetness. They aren’t shy with alcohol and some simple Rum & Cokes were almost too strong to stomach. They do have a drink menu here, but it’s often not set out, I had to ask for it a couple times to try something new. The new Pool Bar has two sides, one in the pool, and one facing the buffet. Generally two bartenders were working and they kept up pretty well. There weres time when both bartenders were on one side and we couldn’t get their attention from the other side. There are also bars in the Disco and Hot Tub, but we didn’t use these much other than a drink or two when we first arrived. Still great service. And I will mention, if the Hot Tub is empty, the bartender does an amazing job with leaving the one or two couples alone unless he’s needed. We were up there as the only couple in the hot tub, with another couple on a bed, and the bartender parked himself looking over the edge to give us both privacy, while still making himself available if needed. Across the resort, there is a Special Drink of the Day, but signs are often not posted. They were usually quite good, so ask about it if there isn’t a sign.

Room Service

We only did room service once (successfully), and it was covered by the Premier pitch. We had a room charge when we checked out and had to tell them to take it off. When ordering, use the Customer Relations extension...hitting “0” like most hotels gets you the front desk, and they were completely lost about room service or reservations. Once we called the correct number, it was smooth. They have a room service menu, but you can order whatever you’d like. It’s $8 normally. We ordered after a dinner and got some creme brulees and coffee w/ Bailey’s. It showed up 5-10 mins later, and we got a phone call after that confirming delivery. They brought us two creme brulees, a thermos of coffee and a cup of Bailey’s. It was all sealed along with napkins/utensils/cups. They asked that we put the empty dishes outside the door, and they were gone later that night.

Spa/Gym

The gym is a small space just inside the spa. The equipment is old, but working. Two ellipticals, a treadmill, bike, various dumbbells and bars, and 5 or 6 resistance machines. They do have a big double-sided pulley system. If you know what you’re doing, you can work whatever muscles you’d like, but it’s very basic. I went twice for the treadmill and it was occupied both times, E seemed to have better luck in the middle of the day. If there’s more than two or three people in there, you’ll be in each other’s way. They have towels and a little water dispenser in there as well.
The spa is pretty nice. It’s set-up with a front desk, so I always feel like I need an appointment to use anything or I’m not supposed to go back there, but that’s me. The locker rooms are available for anyone to use, each one has a steam room and there is a large shared sauna in the hall. The only spa service we used was the Erotic Massage below, but we used the sauna and locker rooms a couple times during the storm.

Erotic Massage (I’ll give my perspective, E said she went through generally the same thing)

We had to change our appointment one time (the storm blocked it). It ended up being on the back end of the trip, which was fine. It would be a very nice way to start a trip though. We headed over after lunch and checked in, filled out a quick form to mark where and where not to massage (This is where you mark any preferences, they will honor whatever you want, but the masseuses don’t ask beforehand, they go off the form only). E wrote that she didn’t want any penetration and said afterward that there wasn’t any issue with it. We were taken back to the locker rooms and given keys, the locker had a robe and pair of sandals for us to use, sandals didn’t fit me so I just used my own. We were given champagne and taken to the “Relaxation Room” to wait. It was just a fairly dark quiet room with a few chairs and water/juice. The hostess asked if we’d like the sauna, and I thought she meant afterwards, so I said yes, and then she side-tracked us to the sauna...I struggle hearing people at times. We stayed there for a few minutes, then went back to the Relaxation Room. Our masseuses came in a took us to the room. We both had female masseuses, but nobody asked our preference, which I expected they would. The room was two adjoining rooms with the sliding panel opened. They quickly introduced themselves and told us to lie down. They made of point of borderline whispering and saying as little as possible (I never heard E’s Masseuse say anything).
I started on my stomach and she pulled a sheet over me, covering me from neck to feet. She started with her whole hand on top of the sheet, very little pressure, just the weight of her hand warming the skin. The sheet was pulled down to my butt and she did the same motions on skin, then the sheet was removed. After a few minutes and repositioning my legs, she started adding warm oil (a lot of oil). She rubbed my whole back and legs, occasionally dipping around my hip or thigh. Eventually, she reached under my crotch and pulled my penis to pointing down between my legs. She continued for about ten minutes, back, legs, and penis. Never more than a few strokes at a time and a variety of techniques. There was never any danger of early release. She asked me to turn over and covered my eyes and repeated the same thing, more oil, rubbing, and stroking. Once I was oiled, she climbed onto the table between my legs, which I wasn’t expecting. She was gradually focusing more and more on my crotch, but always changed what she was doing. I was listening to E a lot at this point, she was getting the same treatment except they weren’t taking it easy on her, she orgasmed two or three times during this process.
I was told to get up and walk over to E (very carefully...oil and tile is a bad combo). I stood next to E (she was still blindfolded) and was guided to take a breast and begin fingering her, which I happily did. My masseuse pushed my head down (I wasn’t sure what she was trying to do) and eventually whispered to lick E. Fun fact: jasmine massage oil doesn’t taste good, but I went for it as best I could from that angle. I was then pulled up and E was guided to stroke and eventually suck me (I felt bad about that for the aforementioned oil). They then guided me to climb on top of E and I figured that part out pretty easily. When I began thrusting, both masseuses stood behind me and pushed my ass to go faster. They also picked up E’s feet to position and hold her legs in the air. At this point, they were a distraction and hindrance. With them dictating tempo, and adjusting/manipulating our bodies, I couldn’t adjust for what I wanted or what I sensed from E. Once or twice I got a quick reach-around. After a few minutes, they excused themselves and left. We rested a bit and eventually wandered out into the hall, where we found a masseuse a got more champagne. She asked if we’d like to shower together or separate, and we chose together, which ended up with both of us showering in the men’s locker room. Then we got dressed, left a tip, and finished having sex in our room.
The massage was very nice, I would recommend it to everyone who’s interested. Once we were having sex, the masseuses became a distraction. It would be easy for them to be helpful by continuing to play with breasts, clit, or balls, but them dictating pace didn’t work for us. Have an open mind and try it, especially with the coupon. Everyone is in a different relationship, so hopefully this is enough info to make a smart decision for your situation. Send us a message if you have any questions.
A quick note from E: Ladies, my experience was pretty much the same as far as the progression of the massage. I started on my stomach with a sheet, which was eventually removed. It was mostly gentle stroking along my skin, moving from arms, legs, and back to more erotic areas with a lot of oil applied. When I flipped over, they were very respectful of the boundaries I had set down. I’m not sure there would have been any penetration (vaginal or anal) if I had not placed any restrictions. They didn’t tell us what the standard erotic massage included. All they said was that they would not do anything we didn’t want done. So I would recommend that you go in assuming that anything can happen, so if you don’t want anything to happen, specifically state it. I will also say that I do not have any orientations toward women, and having this kind of massage from a woman was not uncomfortable at all. They are very professional, and really know what they are doing, right up to the point that they put you two together. I really wish they had some sort of flavored oil (not pleasant for oral sex), and that they hadn’t attempted to assist with the sex as much as they did. It put my legs at an uncomfortable position, and the tempo they tried to create was not sustainable for very long. All and all, it was an experience that I would recommend if you are curious about it!

Daily Entertainment

We were very happy to see that they had put together a weekly schedule of all the events and theme nights. They’re available on Mondays, you get one when you check in, and have to ask for the next week’s. The Entertainment Staff (“The Playmakers”, as they call themselves) are normally 5 people, but two were on vacation the week we were there. The daily activity started at 10:30 with yoga, which we’ve enjoyed both trips, followed by aqua aerobics and somedays beach volleyball. There was usually trivia or some sort of contest and a lunch special each day. Pool volleyball and another round of beach volleyball were around 2 & 3, respectively. We noticed (and heard others complaining) that this group of staff were not as forward and energetic about rounding up participation. They would make an announcement about each activity, and then work with whoever showed up. It’s a style we preferred over the “ra-ra come on, let’s go!” type, as we prefer relaxing and participating when we feel like it, not being pressured or shamed into joining. That being said, it did result in some events having a pretty small turnout. The three of them were extremely good about joking around and having fun with whoever showed up and including all participants so you never felt left out. We loved the staff and enjoyed every activity we joined in on. Quite simply, if you want to participate, go and join. You’ll have fun. It is worth mentioning that timing and unannounced cancellations are still issues, but much less so than our previous trip.

Evening Themes/Events

I’ll talk generally here, you can read the daily record for each night. Starting around 9:00, they had a band or DJ most nights in the lobby (Circus was the only night they had a show in the lobby). The DJ was mostly pointless, as they always have music playing in the lobby of some kind, and there certainly wasn’t any dancing or partying because of a “Live DJ”. The bands are worth attending. They were all “Classic Rock” cover bands except the one Reggae band, which was my favorite. At 11:00, there was a show in the Disco, which was some type of stripper show before the Disco opened. Most of the strippers don’t actually show any “naughty bits”, a couple get topless, but don’t expect a full stripshow. Theme night participation is a big topic on the forums, and it fluctuates every night. Depends on the theme and the crowd. If you want to dress up, go for it, we did in some form about half the nights.

Disco

We usually didn’t stay too long in the Disco beyond the show each night. Standard Top-40 music and people club dancing. There isn’t much room if you actually want to salsa or swing dance. They have a projector screen above the dance floor which is severely wasted and in the way. It hangs about 8-9 feet off the floor, which gets in the way for taller folk if we want to put our arms up. They only used it to play screensaver-type graphics or music videos that weren’t synced up with the music. We used the Sin Room once, and it was exactly as advertised. We took a bed and enjoyed ourselves, and other people were on other beds enjoying themselves. There’s still a swing in there, but it doesn’t adjust high enough for us (me) to use.

Hot Tub
The hot tub hasn’t changed. I always enjoyed the temperature, but heard others saying it was too hot. It gets blazing direct sunlight in the afternoons, people tend to fill out the cove seeking shade and I never saw the beds in use during the day. They desperately need canopies or something over the beds at least; it was a barren desert over there. There was random light playing in the water that we saw, no big groups or any “wild” games or bodyshots or anything. Evenings were generally the same, but the beds were more useful. It’s mostly chit-chat and laughing. These forums had me prepared for group BJ contests and bodyshots and things like that, but we haven’t seen that over our two trips. Either that happens behind doors in the suites or it’s exaggeration. The tile isn’t fun to sit on, people sit on folded towels sometimes, but we just dealt with it.

Staff

Across the board, the staff was awesome, as always. They work their asses off, and it shows. Any issues we had were at least partially our fault for poor communication or not fully understanding how things work. I wish their buffet service was better to understand, we did get overlooked a few times when we sat ourselves. More signage would help in general to explain whether we could seat ourselves or had to wait, as well as giving options for drinks and grille items. We loved the short-staffed Entertainment crew of Angel, Logan, and Lee, they were a ton of fun and genuinely kind, good people.

Crowd

We experienced a pretty wide variety while we were there. The first few days, people were leaving as a take-over cleared out and the weekend ended and it was pretty low occupancy. During that time, people were very positive and friendly, but there was low turnout and participation in the activities/theme nights. During the second half, a couple large groups (5-10 rooms each) came in and filled the resort. It wasn’t a scheduled take-over, just a coincidence that a couple groups were there at the same time. While all those people filled out the resort and the activities, it felt very isolating because the big groups weren’t too worried about meeting people outside their group. We found ourselves on the outside looking in, almost like school cliques. It was definitely a different feeling from beginning to end and went to showcase how much the resort can change due to the current crowd or capacity.

~Honeymooners

[KC_Couple]

Awesome review. I really liked how you broke it down into two parts. Reviews like this are a great read to get ready for a trip! We are headed down there in a little over two weeks and can't wait. Very helpful write up on the erotic massage. Information on that topic seems to be vague on here or quite varied at times.

Congratulations on the nuptials!

[rod7]

WOW, what a detailed review. I felt like I was there!