Quick background on us: We are a (obviously) newlywed couple on our honeymoon, early 30’s from Maryland, USA. This was our second trip to RM, the first being in March 2013, before the pool/restaurant renovations and whatever behind-the-scenes ownership/staff changes happened with the closing of Los Cabos. If you want labels, we are nudists/exhibitionists/voyeurs, completely monogamous, but don’t fret over a friendly flirt, kiss, or grope as long as it’s not creepy or awkward. This is written by the (male) husband, from my perspective, with my wife’s input, approval, and edits.
So it begins!
Friday, June 12
- So happy that Southwest flies direct to Cancun now! The Cancun airport was certainly busy, especially at baggage claim, but people flowed through pretty quickly. We used USA Transfers, which was just as simple and smooth as last time. The best advice we’ve seen...latch onto your luggage and spouse, keep your head down and ignore everybody until you get outside, then find your transport company. Got to Desire, checked-in with champagne, got a rules recap, and scheduled a membership pitch (worth it for the coupon). Room was ready and stocked with a bottle of champagne and a Honeymoon cheesecake to welcome us. Gave ourselves a quick tour and ended at the (packed) hot tub for drinks and acclimation. Went back to the room to properly celebrate our arrival, get ready for dinner, then went to the Lobby bar for a drink. Espresso Martini from Joaquin was perfect pretty much every evening. Went to the buffet (El Arrecife) for Italian Night, then made the common error of taking a nap, from which my wife never awoke. I went down in time for the show (Circus Night), got a drink and cigar to relax and watch. The entertainment staff (Jay & Emily) started with a hula-hoop contest, which I’m pretty sure was a stall tactic, and dragged it out way past when it stopped being entertaining. Not much they could do if the performers weren’t ready on time. The actual show was pretty good, a 3 song acrobatic set done with a male & female dancer/acrobat and a female singer. They did a floor routine, a little pole dance, and a hanging hoop thing. Everyone was herded up to the disco for the next show, a stripshow. Again, it was a 3 song set. The first two songs were solo strippers who each pulled a guy on stage for a lapdance. The third song was all 3 strippers who pulled a lady on stage and stripped her naked, then the strippers got topless. I headed home after the shows and joined my wife in bed.
- We woke up to a downpour - Tropical Depression Bill. The staff was doing an admirable job of providing towels to dry people off and manage the rain as best they could. It was two days of tropical rain/wind. Yes, the resort generally flooded and leaked. Our balcony and lower step of our room flooded. It wasn’t fun, but it was a massive storm. It’s been covered in other posts. The staff was awesome, constantly wrapping towels around guests, finding umbrellas, squeegeeing floors and laying towels down. The entertainment staff tried setting up the casino tables, a live singer in the buffet, karaoke, a trip to a downtown mall, and a massage class. We didn’t hear about the massage class, and the mall trip was cancelled because the mall was flooded as well. But we can’t fault the staff at all for the weekend. We generally spent the weekend running to get food, watching tv, napping, and “napping.” Went to the gym a couple times, it finally closed Sunday late morning. The disco was up and running Saturday, there was leaking, but it was being managed (we heard the Sin Room was closed though). It was the Masquerade Night, although almost no one participated. They had a Chippendales Show, 4 guys (including Jay from the entertainment staff) did a simultaneous strip show, pulling 4 ladies on stage. We did some dancing, and with the Sin Room closed and rain outside, we went home. Sunday was a total wash until dinner. Everything was shut down, TV and Wifi finally went out, power was coming in and out. The rain finally stopped mid-afternoon. We went to Sahlo’s for dinner, then dressed for Schoolgirl night. They had a live band in the lobby bar and a male & female stripper in the Disco. The male was really funny and entertaining. They each did a solo dance with a guest, and then did a combined dance. We headed to the Sin Room, then got Lobby Bar pizza (Bacon!) and went to sleep. I had gone a little mental from cabin fever over the weekend and came out swinging for the night’s festivities. As such, I don’t clearly remember all of it, but it was fun and we took quick notes for that purpose.
- Sun! I woke up and went to get some espresso from the Lobby Bar (Eduardo hooked me up every morning), then woke up my bride and went to the pool. All the extra beds are a great upgrade over just the lounge chairs, we had a bed everyday. Headed to the breakfast buffet, then back out to the sun and pool. E won a movie theme song contest, got a shirt. I played water volleyball and beach volleyball. I have a bum knee, so that was the end of beach volleyball for my trip, but it was a fun round. Emily served as the “human sushi” during lunch (palm leaves and sushi rolls displayed on her back/legs). E went to the gym while I was playing volleyball, then we went to the hot tub for a bit. The Sun is generally blaring over the hot tub, so there isn’t much going on at the beds. They should figure out some kind of canopy for the beds at least, if not the whole hot tub. We went to Suki for dinner tonight, not hibachi, just sushi and plated dinner. Monday was the “Desire Mansion”, which wasn’t a theme we were terribly interested in. We treated this as our official “Honeymoon” night and stayed in our room enjoying each other.
- I woke up, got my espresso, and went to reserve a pool bed again. Shade is important to us (we burn easily) and their bed canopies were being laundered/repaired from the storm. They still only had a handful of canopies by the time we left. So, I tried to get there as soon as I woke to get a shady bed. Eventually, E joined me and we went to breakfast then settled in. They did aqua aerobics every morning, although we didn’t join in, we did have fun watching them from the pool bar with another couple. By this point, Emily and Jay were gone for a 2-week vacation, so the entertainment staff was reduced to Logan, Angel, and Lee (who we loved, but that’ll be the next post). I got enrolled in a simple football target throw contest and lost, and again played water volleyball (I played everyday, I’ll stop mentioning it). Their lunch special was a taco bar, which was very good. Three different meat/filling combos with the standard onion/lime/cilantro sauce as toppings. After E’s gym visit, we were back at the hot tub in the afternoon, then back to the room to relax and shower. We had dinner plans at El Arrecife with a lovely couple, it was French Night. We didn’t have outfits planned for “Bare as you Dare”, but headed down to the lobby for the reggae band. That was a lot of fun, very different than anything else Desire offered. We did some dancing and laughing and fell into our own little happy, loving world for the night. Skipped the disco and went to the hot tub, then grabbed some pizza before bed.
- This was a tough morning for both of us. We slept in and had a hard time groggily getting up. Eventually managed to get a pool bed and breakfast, and spent the morning lying in the shade. During lunch, Angel was laid out as the “human dessert” with fruit and whipped cream on his chest. I felt bad for him as a rather forceful lady took it upon herself to move dessert to his crotch (he was wearing shorts) and eventually work her hand down his pants. Angel was stuck trying to defend himself and play good sport at the same time, and Lee was trying to help him, but she was on a mission. After lunch, gym (E), and volleyball (P), we headed home to relax. We attempted to order some room service, mostly because we never had, by just hitting 0 on the phone. It was answered by someone who didn’t know what was on the menu, said he would put the order in, and we never got any food. E also tried calling to make a dinner reservation, and after several calls back and forth (the operator wouldn’t just give us Sahlo’s #), we were told their only open time was 9:00 and we had a reservation. Since room service never came, we decided to go to the buffet early before our dinner, and with all the issues, I stopped by Sahlo’s to confirm our reservation. They didn’t have our reservation and had openings all night, so I made an 8:00 reservation. Moral of the story….there is a “Guest Services” extension, and you should use it. So, light dinner at El Arricefe, Lobby bar for a small (4 bottle) wine tasting, back to dinner at Sahlo’s. This was “Gala Night”, and the entertainment staff set up a few casino tables (Texas Hold ‘Em, BlackJack, and Roulette). Each table was manned by an entertainment staff member, there were no stakes, and a guest ended up dealing Blackjack. E ended up winning an insulated mug because time was up and everyone was forced to go all in. If you enjoy gambling, this isn’t for you. We took it easy in the hot tub, then went to bed.
- Same morning routine...espresso, pool bed, breakfast. We decided to swing by yoga today, something we enjoyed on our previous trip. Logan was the instructor, about 5 people showed up. We did about half hour of basic stretching and yoga sequences, then Logan’s acrobat training kicked in. He helped us all get into headstands and tripods, then put me in the center to demonstrate some partner balance stuff. He did a headstand on my knees, then helped everyone else get up into a headstand using me as the base. It was certainly unexpected and quite a lot of fun. We relaxed a bit, got a quick lunch, then had our Erotic Massage appointment (see next post for details). Went back to the pool, played volleyball, back to the room. We generally weren’t going to the hot tub in the afternoon because of the sun. Dinner was at El Arricefe...it was supposed to be Aphrodisiac Night, but that apparently got switched to International Night, which wasn’t particularly great. There was a large group at the resort (not a scheduled takeover), so the festivities tonight were packed and hopping. It was Neon/Glow Night with a live band and a ton of fun. Lots of people dancing, lots of theme participation. The disco show may have been running a bit late today, Logan was doing some tumbling/acrobatics on the dance floor to kill time. He pulled me on stage to do the headstand thing we had done that morning...I had no idea that was coming, but it worked out well. There was a decent dance routine in the disco, then we went to get some pizza since dinner was a bit disappointing. Hot Tub for a while after that, then a rather late crash to bed.
- Late night means late morning...neither of us got up until 9:30 or so. The resort had filled up over the past couple days, and there were only two beds left by the time we got down there...mental note to get up earlier for a good bed. Quick breakfast, then back to yoga again. Logan did a different yoga sequence today (4 participants), then added some new stunts and balancing acts at the end. Quick lunch, then waited for the Foam Party. They did a “fashion show” before the foam party, which was basically just models wearing stuff from the gift shop (with tags attached) and walking around the pool. It was way too long, but it was amusing listening to a very bored Angel reciting the same script with different colors for each outfit. The foam party was fun, but a bit obnoxious at times. Walls of foam will come at you, even if you’re on the edges. Tight glasses or goggles are needed, and breathing can be difficult if you get enveloped. The foam does dissipate on contact, but it only takes one good inhale of foam to put you in a bad cycle of going underwater to rinse your face then coming up into more foam. We went home to rinse the foam off, then back to the pool for a while to get some snacks and relax. Dinner was at Suki, again not hibachi, then we got ready for the Circus Night. Same routines as the week before, but E had slept through it that time. There was no hula hoop contest this time, which was a plus for me. We did some dancing in the Disco, then headed to the hot tub. We had some fun in the chaises by the shower before we got in the tub this time, which was very nice for us. Down for more pizza and sleep.
- We set an alarm to get a good pool bed, which was my job. Success...then back to bed. We both got up late, quick breakfast, and we were half an hour late to yoga...but we were also the only people who showed up. We spent an hour doing acrobatics, lifts, and balances and managed to get a few pictures. Got lunch with another couple we met in the hot tub, played pool volleyball, and eventually went to the hot tub and managed to get a shady spot and stayed a while. We had early Hibachi reservations and ended up being the only couple there for a private show. The dinner buffet had moved outside by the pool, and we stopped to check that out after walking on the beach and getting changed for the evening. It was Masquerade Night, with much better participation this time. The same live band was there from Thursday, playing the same set, but they were still good. E had fun dancing for/with the band’s lead singer and then doing a salsa with Angel (E has ballroom training). The Disco chippendale’s show was reduced to one male stripper, who still did a 3 song set. E was pulled on stage for a honeymoon dance. We stayed for a while dancing, then headed to the hot tub and got the same chaise chairs as last night. They worked out pretty well for us to avoid being wet and cold (not conducive to fun times).
- We slept through our alarm, and managed to get one of the last beds. Breakfast, then went for one last yoga session….but it had been cancelled without notice. One of the recurring issues at Desire is changing/cancelling events without warning. It’s unfortunate, but this trip was much better than our previous trip, so….progress? I was pulled into a contest when the entertainment staff struggled to find three volunteer couples. It was a little race across the pool, and I had to give E a lap dance. It was silly, but rather fun. They had a seafood paella at lunch, which was really good. Easily the best food at lunch our whole trip. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the pool, then went home to pack and get ready for dinner. We headed to Sahlo’s to get our favorites one last time. This was schoolgirl night again, so we got ready and went down for the band. They had one of the fountains covered with a plywood stage (don’t know why, it was never used) and Logan did some acrobatics on there, pulling both of us up there at different times. In the Disco was the same male/female strippers as last week. Both of us were pulled on stage separately by the male stripper (dancing with her, me helping him dance with another guest). Did some dancing, then went to the hot tub and chatted with some new friends until it was time for pizza and bed.
- Our pick-up time was noon, so we woke up, got breakfast,and took our bags to the lobby. Saw the entertainment staff in there, said bye to them and checked out. There were a few other couples to find before we left, and we took one last walk around the resort. USA Transfers was on time and got us to the gate quickly...straight on through security and on our way back home.
Generally speaking, our honeymoon was absolutely wonderful. Nothing is perfect and there are always areas to nitpick (which I’ll do in the next post), but we came here for our honeymoon to relax, bond, and spend time together. Desire made that easy for us to accomplish. I’m considering Tropical Storm Bill to be a fluke, and obviously not the resort’s fault, and am generally disregarding it. It happened...it sucked...we still had a great time after it passed. Food was good, with dinner obviously being a step above breakfast and lunch. I felt the need to try everything, and of course there were some disappointments at the buffets and there were also some good surprises. Drinks flowed easily and readily at all locations, with a couple mis-steps (attempting to order in Spanish resulted in a cup of water with a shot of tequila in it….not recommended). Staff across the board was amazing, with special honors going to Eduardo (Morning espresso), Sylvia (running drinks at the pool), Juaquin (Evening martini), and the short-staffed entertainment crew of Angel, Logan, and Lee. The simplest we can say is that we will be back many times, we hope the staff remains, and only wish for minor tweaks/adjustments/updates over the coming years. Thanks for reading, I hope it was useful, and if you want more detailed information, read the next post.
~Happy Honeymooners