Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

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Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Mon Aug 15, 2016 5:22 pm

Hey! We just got back from DRM yesterday, so I wanted to pay it forward (the trip reports really helped us) and respond now while it was fresh in my mind!

As a background, we are a late 30's, non-LS couple. Prior to this trip, we had never played with anyone else or even experimented with ex/voy, but were excited at the thought -- more excited at the thought of watching/being watched in terms of comfort level. A few years ago we hit a point in our marriage where we both became significantly more honest about where we were at sexually, and worked through some of our own historical "stuff" around sex and discarded some unhelpful old ideas. Since then, we've just been enjoying exploring with one another in a new found environment of safety between us. The more honest we got with one another the more satisfied we've been with one another. Who knew honesty was sexy???? ;-) We've had our ass handed to us a few times in our marriage, been through counseling, and come out the other side -- we feel couplestrong.

In terms of trying out the kinds of things one sees at DRM, we went to a LS club in Philadelphia last October while there visiting in the hopes of doing some watching, but left within 20 minutes of going in. Although it appeared clean, it reeked of cigarette smoke and was somewhat seedy in terms of look and feel -- we just weren't comfy. We have also mostly unsuccessfully connected with a Sex Positive group here where we live. They are a good group of people and clearly open, but those we've met thus far were not a good fit in terms of personality. A bit too "dungeons and dragons meets the kink section of the adult bookstore." :D I'm not player-hating, I'm just saying we don't fit with that crowd. So, we found Desire when searching online for couples sex retreats and so forth, and thought, wth not? We have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids (ages 4 & 6.5) and hadn't been away longer than 3 days since our first was born, so we booked for 5 nights directly through originalresorts.com. I'd found a promo code that gave us about a $400 discount from the rate being listed at that time.

At any rate, on to the trip report!

Overall: A
Check-in: D+
Service: A
Food: A
Facilities: A
Environment/Setting: A
People/Crowd: A-
Check-out: A

We started out on Tuesday morning with a little trouble at the airport. It was the day after the major Delta power outage, and our 5:30am flight was delayed to 6:40am and then canceled. Delta wasn't able to put us on another plane that same day because of all that trouble, so while we were at the airport we made the executive decision to just sort out a refund with Delta later and bought another ticket on my cell phone via expedia on American Air. It left at 7:30am and left without a hitch, actually getting us to Cancun earlier than the other flight!

We'd booked airport transfer to DRM via USA Transfers (what is recommended here on the forums), and they were great. I'd called them from the airport after we switched our flight and airline to let them know, and they'd made the appropriate switch and were there waiting for us. Super friendly, super helpful, and within 5 minutes of grabbing our bags we were en route to the resort. The driver was funny and talked about Mexico and a little about Desire (we asked whether it was "crazy" and he laughed and said, "yes!" but that all the people were always very nice to transport). As we were pulling up to the resort we had our first set and really only set of nerves. Just a last minute "Oh crap we're doing this" panic, but nothing major.

When we got there, we were greeted by Sergio, who appeared to be getting us all squared away until he said, "Okay so your stay is 3 nights..." I explained that it was 5 nights and even pulled out my computer and showed him the email confirmation from originalresorts.com. Long story short -- although the rest of the trip was amazing, I still feel kind of dismayed about the way they handled this. Essentially, Sergio told me the reservation reflected 3 nights stay rather than 5, told me that it showed I'd booked through expedia.com (I didn't), and was generally not super helpful in reassuring me that they would get it worked out. I've stayed all over the world -- Africa, Eastern and Western Europe, all over the states -- and more often than not, when you're able to produce a receipt that clearly indicates what you paid for, they usually give you some sort of response like, "Well, we're going to make this right -- don't worry. No matter what we'll accommodate you since that's what you booked." kind of response. Here, instead, Sergio seemed to be saying, "Well, if our reservation doesn't reflect the right dates there's nothing we can do." What's worse, they wanted us to go ahead and go to the room and get started with our vaca based on a promise to let me know what they found out. Obviously, it's a little difficult to relax and enjoy yourself (all the more so when you're in a new environment like this) when you're uncertain as to whether you're going to have to pay for 3 more days you already paid for, or to try to find a new hotel in 3 days or to try to find new travel home whilst coping with your disappointment. We tried our best to move on, but of course we were then greeted with the attempt to schedule us for the sales pitch. We went ahead and scheduled it in order to avoid any further controversy right then (but we did not attend it).

Within 15 minutes of getting to our room, Felicia called and asked afresh what our intended reservation dates were, and I replied -- 8/9 - 8/14. She said, "And what is the problem with the reservation?" I replied, "I'm not sure exactly. Sergio said that it was only for 3 days, and that our reservation had been booked through expedia, which isn't true, and that there was nothing he could do until he heard back from reservations." She replied, "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know what he was looking at. Your reservation is for 5 days -- checking out on 8/14." I confirmed this a few more times and then hung up the phone confused but happy. No one followed-up or anything so I still don't know what the original hang up was.

So, we changed into our bathing suits and headed down to the pool. My wife wore her bikini and I had on small, european-style brief-trunks. It was so eye-opening to walk out and see virtually everyone nude. Most men were completely nude and women were probably 75% nude and 25% bottoms only. It was GREAT. :P Everyone seemed to be having a good time and I saw a few couples whose faces I recognized from the yahoo group for August 2016, and I talked to them. All super friendly. I took off my trunks within an hour and my wife soon took off her top and we stood gabbing in the pool and drinking margaritas and so forth for several hours before heading up to the hot tub. Saw a random blowjob being given here or there, but for the most part, everyone seemed to be having good old-fashioned fun, just naked. :P One of the couples we were talking to had only been once before and we invited them to eat dinner with us that night.

I'm getting bored with my own story here so let me skip to summarizing. First couple of days were great. We really liked the couples we met and were hanging out with them poolside. One of the interesting things as newbies was some slight wondering about etiquette. Since we weren't really interested in swapping, we didn't want our invitations to dinner to be construed as evaluations for doing just that (I was aware from reading the forums that this can be a thing), but nor did we want to needlessly stifle otherwise fun relationships we were making. That said, everything was great and the other couples didn't pressure us at all -- this is more us in our heads wondering what they were thinking beyond what they said out loud. But the idea of where folks are at with soft/full/no swap does naturally come up in conversation, so I suppose we covered it in the large group. Each night after dinner we'd go back and change into our outfits for the theme nights. We both dressed up every night, with the exception of uniform night where I did not because my cop costume material was just too heavy in the heat. A lot of the guys didn't, but I felt fine and it was freeing for me to do that sort of thing, bc I usually tend to take myself pretty seriously.

In the evening of day 2 we ate dinner with another couple that we'd invited. We ate at the Japanese restaurant that is Tepenyaki style -- they cook it right in front of you. It was great! They were great and I suppose we were doing some evaluating about the possibility of some same-room action at the end of the night, but although they were perfectly nice, the chemistry just wasn't there for us. She was a bit too loud and he a bit too quiet. Although we spent the rest of the night with them at the disco and so forth, just not in the cards. But that's the thing -- it's like, our time with them was totally worth it anyhow. We had a great time, learned about them, and even learned about ourselves in reaction to them.

By day 3 we met another couple (hello D & K!!!) that we totally clicked with. They had been to DRM 3-4x as well as Temptations. They were around our age, had kids like us, etc., and really, just a similar disposition about life. We spent the rest of the week hanging out with them at the pool, at dinner, the disco, etc. We did a few check-ins early on to determine whether we were annoying them (again, trying to be sensitive to etiquette), but both couples felt great about the time we were having. They are the kind of people we'd hang out with at home, and just what we hoped we'd find. We dressed up together every night, danced and drank and hit the hot tub together, and even got late night pizza/BLT's together at the end of the night. Interestingly, we never did end up hooking up or doing same room play. I think both of us (both couples) were open to it, but it never came up, honestly. Like, we were having such a good time that the emphasis did not seem to be on that, which actually felt really good. I think the reason it never naturally arose is because, frankly, on the 3 nights we hung out with them (Thu, Fri, Sat), 2 of them (Thu/Fri) we got so hammered that we were just too blasted to be much good by 3am. We occasionally party and so forth at home, but when you're there drinking all day long until 3am in the hot sun, the only thing we wanted at 3am was food and a bed. One night we also had a major buzz kill due to the latin music emphasis, which all of us enjoy in small doses. On Saturday night, I actually think we all wanted something to happen, but we were also super tired and knew that my wife and I were leaving the next morning at 5:30am, so we called it a night around midnight. At any rate, we exchanged contact info and have already begun planning a time for them to come visit us here.

Take-aways/points of note:

1. It is not weird being naked with everyone. Quite freeing. In fact, we would've felt much weirder not being naked.

2. As a guy, in a culture where women are (rightly so) very sensitive to being gawked at our cat-called or hit-on unwanted, I am pleased to report that I felt I was able to communicate with a number of women there on a level that conveyed my sexual interest and admiration (of their beauty/bodies) without shame or guilt. That was really nice. I went out of my way to be respectful, but also didn't feel like I had to hide my interest. Ex: Getting food one day, I noticed a woman with whom I'd exchanged friendly smiles and glances a number of times, and her husband and N had as well. I introduced myself and she introduced herself and we talked for a bit. Before we went to sit at our respective tables, I said, "Hey -- I just wanted to let you know that you really look great. I've thought it about 20 times when I've seen you so I wanted to make sure I said it to you out loud." She thanked me and seemed genuinely flattered, and I felt good knowing that I'd been able to express that with no sub-text (i.e., though I was open to the idea of something later, I did not have an agenda or wasn't trying to covertly convince her to fuck me). We saw them several other times and had great interactions. The lesson here is be a nice guy, not a creeper or a dick, and you will be fine.

3. On the other hand, on 2 separate occasions my wife received unwanted/non-permission-asked touch:

A) One day, my wife and I were talking and kissing and hugging in the pool, and a gentleman and his wife (who I'd talked to earlier) came up behind her. He said, "You look hot" to my wife, which he meant as a double entendré (I assume), as he began splashing water on her back. My wife said, "I am hot! That feels good!" trying to be a good sport, and then he reached up and began massaging her shoulders and was just generally standing too close for comfort. She turned and came by my side, and we talked for about 30 seconds before he and his wife awkwardly floated away. It isn't really that big of a deal, but it was confusing that they a) couldn't read our body language enough to know that she and I were already kind of having a "couple" moment, and b) that they didn't think to ask in some way shape or form before touching.

B) One night in the hot tub while I was getting us drinks, a man from a particularly aggressive couple (whom we'd noted several times earlier throughout the week) came up behind my wife and pressed his dick against her. She walked away without saying anything.

****On the whole, however, we both feel it should be noted that considering the fact that everyone is naked, that the drinks are flowing from morning till night like nobody's business, and that the environment is very sexual and that sexual acts are happening around you, the idea that this only happened twice is actually pretty damn impressive. In other words, the vast majority of the time, people are respectful and act right. There are a few assholes in every bunch.*****

4) All kinds of shapes and sizes with bodies. We're both in reasonably good shape, but we enjoyed how comfortable the environment was from the muscle heads to the pleasantly plump. There is some grouping according to body type (mostly the muscley-types seemed to stick together), but everyone was friendly for the most part. The only non-friendly people we really bumped into were a few couples here and there who were clearly more into themselves than they were anyone else. Again, you're going to have a few assholes anywhere.

5) Within 24 hours of being there we were sure we were coming back. The idea simply is, if you're going to go away somewhere as a couple to any kind of tropical destination, why would you NOT come here? Not only do you have all of the trappings of a normal resort, but you get to see tons of naked hot people!

6) There was no stress about hooking up with people except what we placed on ourselves. This doesn't mean you might not have to say "no, thank you" once or twice, just that people seem to kind of get it, and the emphasis for the winners is on connection rather than out and out fucking. This is why the dynamic changes so much when there are just couples vs. single men too.

7) Even though we chose not to do any couple on couple same room play, we did enjoy playing some in public, and we did enjoy watching others. Also, the sex we had alone in our room was intense, hot, and frequent.

8 ) It was very flattering to have some incredibly hot women hit on me. Not gonna lie. 8)

9) Been to all-inclusives before - the food here was exceptionally good contrasted with the rest of the ones I've been to.

10) There really are all types of personalities here, but we were relieved to find so many "normies" -- i.e., run of the mill, everyday people.


Finally, couple things we'll do differently next time:

A) Spend more alone time as a couple. The environment and amenities and people are so enticing and overwhelming and stimulating that we realized on the last day that we hadn't gotten much alone time just to connect emotionally except for in our room. We made it a point to take several walks on the beach together that day and it was quite nice, and we plan to do a bit more of that next time.

B) Make sure to plan our departure flight at a later time. The fact that we had to get up so early the next day basically made our last night there a bit of a wash.

C) Bring an inflatable raft to float on in pool/ocean.

D) Bring our own insulated cup for drinks at the pool.

E) Bring a baseball cap to avoid forehead and scalp roasting.

F) Probably less booze one or two nights.

G) ***IMPORTANT***: Hang onto the little forms they give you through customs. We know this from other international travel but accidentally left them in the room before we headed out. Had to pay $60 at customs for new ones. :x


Anyhow, if you are remotely in doubt, don't be. This place was a blast for open-minded folks looking to explore sexuality, so long as you are solid as a couple. All of the recommendations on the forums have been accurate for us and gave us a good sense of what we were getting into. We will be back within the next year!!! Hope this helps some other newbies feel safe and comfy -- GO!!!!!!!



--
R (hubs) of "R & N"
DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby jkroha » Tue Aug 16, 2016 10:24 am

Thanks for the report! Always nice to read, especially for newbies. sounds like overall you had a blast, sorry your wife felt uncomfortable a few times. It's good for me to read this, I tend to think of something like a shoulder touch/rub as so innocent as not needing a lot of thought, I am going to make sure to pay a lot of attention so I am not "that guy". I think my issue is we have not done stuff like this before (we we have now, last weekend was our first club ever, had a blast!) and a shoulder rub in a bathing suit is probably a lot more innocent then a naked shoulder rub :) Again, thanks for your impressions, they help!
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Tue Aug 16, 2016 11:33 am

jkroha wrote:Thanks for the report! Always nice to read, especially for newbies. sounds like overall you had a blast, sorry your wife felt uncomfortable a few times. It's good for me to read this, I tend to think of something like a shoulder touch/rub as so innocent as not needing a lot of thought, I am going to make sure to pay a lot of attention so I am not "that guy". I think my issue is we have not done stuff like this before (we we have now, last weekend was our first club ever, had a blast!) and a shoulder rub in a bathing suit is probably a lot more innocent then a naked shoulder rub :) Again, thanks for your impressions, they help!


Welcome -- thanks for your comment and thank you for your empathy! I appreciate what you're saying, and in that regard, as newbies, our threshold may be higher than some others. I think the idea was that she and I were clearly engaged as a couple (i.e., she was turned toward me, floating in pool with arms and legs wrapped around me), and they interrupted, and also that, as you're saying, standing behind her at about 3-5 inches distance naked and uninvited is a different story. Consent is always nice -- "Mind if I rub your shoulders?"

To be fair, I'm sure the guy didn't mean any harm and was plastered -- he was perfectly nice and engaging the rest of the time. As you said, these are just our impressions!
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby miranda2 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 1:09 pm

Great trip report!

I think points A and B happen quite often to most of us and I really think that not everyone means anything 'creepy' about it, it's just a way to 'test the waters' for some as this is the way they try to break the ice.

Thanks for sharing your experience!
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby werfun » Wed Aug 17, 2016 5:49 pm

Your first trip sounds a lot like our first Desire trip except being nude. We had been to several clubs (never played) and nudist camps so being nude didn't bother us. The only problem was at the pool a male walked up behind my wife and said in a load voice to stop looking at his junk. The wife told him that he didn't have anything to look at as her son was bigger when he was 3 years old then walked away, he didn't bother the next 5 days Out side of that all our trips to Desire have been great. We are trying to plan our next trip when we can sort things out. :D
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Thu Aug 18, 2016 12:55 pm

miranda2 wrote:Great trip report!

I think points A and B happen quite often to most of us and I really think that not everyone means anything 'creepy' about it, it's just a way to 'test the waters' for some as this is the way they try to break the ice.

Thanks for sharing your experience!


Thanks, and welcome! I'm sure you're right -- as a sort of "cultural" reality, within the l/s or at resorts, it may be common. And it's not necessarily that it's "creepy," just unwanted and non-consensual, both of which are the antithesis of sexy. Consent is really easy to ask for. Not trying to be a booger, just saying.

Again -- no mistakes -- we had a blast and these two incidences were relatively barely blips on the radar. No one overreacted or anything. But they were there. Just trying to help newbies understand what they might be in for.

--R
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Thu Aug 18, 2016 12:58 pm

werfun wrote:Your first trip sounds a lot like our first Desire trip except being nude. We had been to several clubs (never played) and nudist camps so being nude didn't bother us. The only problem was at the pool a male walked up behind my wife and said in a load voice to stop looking at his junk. The wife told him that he didn't have anything to look at as her son was bigger when he was 3 years old then walked away, he didn't bother the next 5 days Out side of that all our trips to Desire have been great. We are trying to plan our next trip when we can sort things out. :D


Wow! Well, we felt pretty good being nude too, just unusual for us. I suspect most guys are just trying to figure out how to interact with their junk out. :lol:
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby miranda2 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 1:32 pm

rtnnrn wrote:
miranda2 wrote:Great trip report!

I think points A and B happen quite often to most of us and I really think that not everyone means anything 'creepy' about it, it's just a way to 'test the waters' for some as this is the way they try to break the ice.

Thanks for sharing your experience!


Thanks, and welcome! I'm sure you're right -- as a sort of "cultural" reality, within the l/s or at resorts, it may be common. And it's not necessarily that it's "creepy," just unwanted and non-consensual, both of which are the antithesis of sexy. Consent is really easy to ask for. Not trying to be a booger, just saying.

Again -- no mistakes -- we had a blast and these two incidences were relatively barely blips on the radar. No one overreacted or anything. But they were there. Just trying to help newbies understand what they might be in for.

--R


And yes, it really would have been nice if the gentleman had asked permission to touch. In our experience, most men do ask first before touching. :D
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:44 am

miranda2 wrote:
rtnnrn wrote:
miranda2 wrote:Great trip report!

I think points A and B happen quite often to most of us and I really think that not everyone means anything 'creepy' about it, it's just a way to 'test the waters' for some as this is the way they try to break the ice.

Thanks for sharing your experience!


Thanks, and welcome! I'm sure you're right -- as a sort of "cultural" reality, within the l/s or at resorts, it may be common. And it's not necessarily that it's "creepy," just unwanted and non-consensual, both of which are the antithesis of sexy. Consent is really easy to ask for. Not trying to be a booger, just saying.

Again -- no mistakes -- we had a blast and these two incidences were relatively barely blips on the radar. No one overreacted or anything. But they were there. Just trying to help newbies understand what they might be in for.

--R


And yes, it really would have been nice if the gentleman had asked permission to touch. In our experience, most men do ask first before touching. :D


Indeed! We know not everyone will. Nice if they do! [-O<
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby mustang » Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:11 pm

Thanks for the great report and tips. As a newbie in training, always good to see it from the point of view of a 1st timer. :)
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:52 pm

mustang wrote:Thanks for the great report and tips. As a newbie in training, always good to see it from the point of view of a 1st timer. :)

Welcome! Thanks for reading!
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby Siren » Thu Aug 25, 2016 1:19 pm

What a great trip report! I enjoyed reading it and I'm so glad you had such a successful foray into your Desire conversion.

It's been a while since we were newbies, like a decade or so ago. That fact made it even more fun to read a first timers account.

Hope it's the first of many wonderful Desire experiences for you, and hope your marriage and relationship continue to flourish!!
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby rtnnrn » Thu Aug 25, 2016 1:58 pm

Siren wrote:What a great trip report! I enjoyed reading it and I'm so glad you had such a successful foray into your Desire conversion.

It's been a while since we were newbies, like a decade or so ago. That fact made it even more fun to read a first timers account.

Hope it's the first of many wonderful Desire experiences for you, and hope your marriage and relationship continue to flourish!!


Thank you, Siren! We DID have fun. Still daydreaming about it every day since. <sigh> :roll: We need to go back, stat!
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby $parkie7 » Sat Sep 24, 2016 3:10 pm

I like your grading system. I can't even imagine how my anxiety level would have been after the flight, then there being a possible problem with the reservation!!! UGH....So glad it all worked out and you two had a fabulous time. It was nice reading a report from a first timer.
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Re: Newbies Trip Report DRM 8/9/16 - 8/14/16

Postby kan2ca » Tue Oct 04, 2016 10:53 am

I, like so many others, really do appreciate your very clear and detailed report. It really does answer a lot of questions us "newbies" have about Desire and a CO experience. And to the couple who responded to you as "newbies in training," kudos to you...lol...it is exactly what we feel like! ^:)^
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