Newbie trip report, late May 2019

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Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby jandr2u » Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:21 pm

Hi. These reports were so helpful to us, so paying it forward.

Jeff and Rosie. Jeff writing. DRM May 26 – Jun 2.

I’m a detailed and wordy person, so this will be kind of long as I want to share our story a bit for other folks just dipping their toes in. I’ll try to organize it in sections so y’all can skip around if you want.

BACKGROUND

As we’re both entering our 50’s and some of the kids are out on their own, we’ve started to think about the next third of our lives together. We’ve been very happily married for 27 years. Sure, we’ve had a few rough spots as you’d expect, but our marriage has always been the envy of our friends. We’re simply madly and passionately in love with each other. We communicate great, love spending every minute we can with each other and have an awesome sex life. We are just not missing anything in our lives. I’ve spent the past 30 years as a hard driving, intense and intimidating person (I don’t agree with that last one, but after literally decades of the same feedback, I guess I have to own it). I was pushing my career and myself to extremes to make a life for my family. Rosie let me know that this level of intensity was one of the biggest things that attracted her to me, but it wasn’t something she wanted to see in me for the next phase of our lives together. After some careful reflection, I agreed. (I hate that she’s always right)

For the past several months (maybe a year), I’ve worked really hard at moving from intense-Jeff to fun-Jeff (3-glasses-of-Chianti-Jeff is my favorite Jeff). I’ve been fairly successful as even the kids call me fun-dad now. To further explore this new fun-Jeff, I wanted to go someplace to be naked on the beach. Rosie was all-in so I started googling around. While I wanted naked, I didn’t want “hippie naked”, I wanted “sexually charged naked”. I found Temptation and literally went so far as to book it before changing my mind. I didn’t like the vibe I got from looking at the website and it just didn’t seem like our kind of place. Then I found Desire and my initial reaction was, “It’s a swinger place, no f-ing way we’re going there.” So, I kept looking. That’s when I came across this forum and started reading.

Turns out, you freaky swingers are awesome people, at least according to the folks on the forum. Reading reviews from other non-LS folks really helped. I shared all this with Rosie, and, in her usual way, she was just like, “Sounds like a lot of fun, what are you waiting for?”. Love that girl. So, we booked a week.

We’re not (spoiler alert…or were not) LS. Doing the research and booking the trip got us talking about things though. I felt secure enough to share some of my fantasies with Rosie and she opened up to them. She’s not had an active fantasy/imagination like I have, but that’s been changing. This has dramatically changed what we talk about now. I shared my fantasies of seeing her with another woman, another man, etc. She didn’t judge me for it, she didn’t scold me or get hurt by it. She was a bit surprised, of course, but she was also excited by it and started feeding into my thoughts and fantasies.

This all led to a new level of sex for us. I mean, we were no prudes and really had an awesome sex life, but this was something VERY different. I mean, I’m 53…I haven’t had 3-times-a-day sex in 30 years, but it was happening now! We went from 2-3 times a week to 7-8, even 10 times a week. WTF!?! And some of those times were measured in hours, not minutes! HOURS!...that’s plural people. A new level of passion and love for each other immediately blew up and it took us both by surprise. It might be killing me, but it’s a great way to go!

PLANNING
I’m the planner in the family. Rosie gave me permission to buy all of her costumes and outfits. So, of course, I put together a spreadsheet template with the days across the columns and rows for almost every item needed for each night so I could plan and track putting her in the sexiest (sluttiest?) things I could find. I kid you not, I spent as much on clothing/costumes for a NAKED resort as I spent on airfare from MI! Rosie modeled them all and loved it. She said she’d never felt so sexy or so loved. WOW! She went on YouTube and learned how to walk in 6-inch heels. She was getting into it and so was I. We had some pre-trip sexy fun during all the fashion shows and planning/talking about the trip. It’s changed how we both dress now. She’s always been well put together and takes very good care of herself, but in a “mom” way. Now she’s enjoying getting into sexy. I’m ditching my comfortable and “tactical” dress style for something that is more put together and appealing to Rosie.

LIFESTYLE STUFF
As mentioned, we’re not in the LS. As we read through the forums and talked about it, we started to talk and explore what the LS was all about. This led me to listening to different podcasts and learning more. Then I learned about the LS sites. After a bit, I couldn’t get over how positive everyone was, for the most part, about the LS and especially how great the people are. So, I started thinking…we’ve been in MI for 6 years now and we’ve struggled to make friends. We’ve lived in 6 other states and never had as hard of a time as we’ve had in MI. People here are friendly enough, they’re just not engaging and open. It got me thinking, even though we’re not in the LS, that doesn’t mean we can’t have friends who are. They sound like our kind of people after all. Granted, we’re super conservative and even going to the resort was way outside our past belief system. But why not give it a go? So, I talked it over with Rosie and she agreed we’d use the LS sites to see if we could meet some fun people in MI. On SLS there’s a section to list your fantasies. I put, “We have this fantasy that we can actually find great friends in MI. We've been fantasizing about it since we moved here, but have found it hard to meet like-minded people, much less make friends. So that's our biggest fantasy. :)”.

We started talking more and more about the LS. Rosie actually started listening to the Room 77 podcast and really liked it. I don’t know how it started, but we started talking about things we might be willing to do and not willing to do. We talked about jealousy and all that. I can’t easily recap hours and hours of our conversations, but we were both willing to test the waters some. We set up rules for our DRM trip. Over a span of a couple of months, we went from probably having 50 rules to just saying, “No rules, no limitations, no expectations”. We did have a foundation that whatever we do, we do it together. This is about us and no one else.

We also gave each other permission to make mistakes. Hey, we might try some new stuff and we might get some of it wrong. When we do, we just need to say, “That didn’t work, let’s not do that again (for now).” and just move forward. We can’t blame each other. We are on this journey together. Its new. We have ZERO frame of reference and ZERO experience. We are going to make mistakes. Its ok. I love you and you love me. Period.

Back to our LS sites, we had several folks reach out to us and we chatted with some. We didn’t connect with anyone due to our schedules, but just before our trip we were able to make it to our first meet and greet. We didn’t admit it until afterward, but we were both scared to death as we Uber-ed over to the event. Personally, I thought I might puke! We really didn’t have any reason to be so scared as we met some super-awesome people who were friendly, outgoing, generous, quick to laugh and totally laid back. It was a great first LS experience for us and we can’t wait to repeat it.

LOGISTICS
This will be brief. Everything went great and we got to Cancun and through immigration and customs within minutes and USA Transfers was right there for us and off we went. Our original trip was supposed to be in Feb, but the week before we were supposed to leave, I herniated a disc in my back and was down for two weeks. So, we postponed till May. What an amazing experience on top of an amazing experience. So, check in and everything was easy peasy and we were off to lunch. We also saw our first nakedness at check in and it was crazy to see. Lol

DAY 1
I will not go day-by-day, but will talk about our first day. Our room wasn’t ready when we got there (2:30p) and we hadn’t eaten in a while, so we went to the buffet by the pool. WOW! Naked. Naked. Naked. Everywhere. OVERLOAD! AWESOME! I felt so out of place in my clothes. I just wanted to eat and get to the room to change! We ate and our room was ready, so we changed and went right to an ocean bed. We had an ocean view room, so we went right out front and I stripped to nothing and got on the bed. Rosie did the same and we got a drink. We laid there for a bit and then started playing. There was no one to our left and only one other couple to our right with an empty bed between us. I started playing with Rosie and she opened right up to it. It was sexy and romantic. The other couple must have spotted our activity and they started playing. That was kind of cool. We ended up having quiet sex on the beach bed and the other couple did the same. We were both in our own world, which was a bit disappointing to me. I would have preferred some connection with them. After a bit we got ready for dinner, ate, tried to stay up till the disco, but couldn’t make it. We went back to the room and crashed around 10p. Not a bad first day. If we left the next day, it’d still be an awesome memory. So far so good.

DAY 2
We started the morning with great sex in bed. We threw our doors open and simply made love to the ocean view and the occasional person walking by. This became our morning ritual. We then went to breakfast and on to the pool. Rosie wanted to hit the gym and sauna, so we did that and then back to the pool and lunch. While in the sauna, we heard the sounds of the erotic massage. Rosie had been talking months ago about doing that as she thought it sounded great and it would be ok because we were paying someone for the service. It would be ok for another man to touch her “that way” for the first time in almost 30 years because it’s just a massage service. I was all for it. So, we booked the erotic massage and just took the first available time slot, regardless if it was going to be male/female providers or female/female. We ended up with the latter.

EROTIC MASSAGE
I won’t go into excruciating detail on the EM. It was fun. Rosie had several orgasms. I took my blindfold off to watch her. That was great. It was awkward for me because I prefer to give pleasure. I get off on getting my partner off. There’s no playing with the staff, so for me to just lay there and get rubbed was nice but wasn’t really my thing. Anyway, you can read about the EM in other threads, so I’ll just say it was great. We both enjoyed it and had a great time with each other with help from the staff.

DAY 2 DISCO
Fast forward through a visit to the hot tub before dinner, which became our routine. Met some great people and had a great time every time we visited at that time. Cool vibe. Some PDS in the beds, which was hot, but not really the focal point. Off to the disco for Mistresses & Masters night. Rosie had a hot leather-looking outfit with tall boots. Very sexy. I had a cape and gauntlets and carried a paddle, which was a big hit! We connected with a few couples we’d met at various times throughout the day. At one point, off to the side of the bar, one of the ladies we connected with asked Rosie to use the paddle on her. She had a lot of experience getting spanked and asked Rosie to do it hard. At one point, Rosie pulled the lady’s dress up and spanked her bare ass. HOT AF! Rosie can still almost cum just thinking about it. She loved it.

We danced with each other and danced with others. It was a lot of sexy fun.

OUR FIRST LS EXPERIENCE (Are we now in the LS?)
At one point, we were dancing with a couple (M (husband) & J (wife)) Rosie met at the sauna while I was in the shower as well as another couple. Things started to heat up with the girls playing a bit with each other. Then it happened. Rosie started making out with J! I was in awe. So sexy and hot. She’d never done that before. I asked her about it later and she said it was AWESOME. More dancing. I paired off with J and Rosie paired with M. Things were getting hot with all the grinding and touching. Then the woman’s husband said that maybe we should move to the play room. Well, time pretty much stopped for me in that moment and my brain was like, “Holy shit! What now?!”. Rosie says she’d like to see it, but that she’s not sure what we’re willing to do. Off to the play room we went where we proceeded to have a really great time with each other right next to the other couple. There was also some really hot cross touching with the wife of the other couple playing with Rosie. It was a mind-altering experience to say the least.

Let me tell you, I don’t know that we could have had a better first-time experience or met another couple more considerate than the couple we were with. There was no pressure and no trickery (get you in the play room and then see if they could push boundaries). These two should be the poster children for the LS. Classy, sexy and nice. We did exactly what we were comfortable with and no more. It led to further fantastic sex with each other and HOURS of processing and conversation. So thankful to M&J for their care of us. I just wish they didn’t have to leave, and we didn’t get a chance to spend more time with them.

PROCESSING THE FIRST EXPERIENCE
Quick aside…I’ve spent the last 30 years working VERY hard at keeping any and all women in my professional life at a very long arms distance to ensure I never did anything that would harm my marriage. I’ve never even spoken to a woman in a flirtatious way in over 30 years, much less touched another woman in a suggestive way. Certainly, I’ve never allowed another woman to touch me in ANY way. So, this experience was a LOT for me to process. A LOT! The same can’t be said of my wife, but she’s wired differently than I am and can be more in the moment on things, so it’s easier for her.

I’ve been struggling with how I can move in to this new world and be more engaged, less in my head and actually be flirtatious. It’s not only that I’m out of practice, but in these new situations I’m on overload as I process what my wife is doing, whether she’s safe, what I’m doing (very little because I’m in my head), what the other person is doing to me, what’s happening in the room around me and on and on and on. It almost paralyzes me. Big time learning experience.

We spoke a lot about what we would have liked to do differently, what would have been hotter, how much farther we would have wanted to go. In the end, we landed on the fact that this first experience was perfect in every way. More would have been too much right now. It’s also given us a lot to talk about for the future as we continue to navigate our journey in the LS. We are taking it SLOWLY. We are processing EVERYTHING together. It’s actually been awesome because I’m a very detailed guy (as you can probably guess) and Rosie is not. Yet, when it comes to these conversations, she’s got so much more interest and patience to work through details than anything else we’ve ever talked about. It’s so cool to bond over this together in new ways.

We had a very interesting talk about intimacy and, frankly, how to avoid it in play. We want sexy. We want fun. We want a connection. But intimacy is just for us. What does that look like? We don’t know, but it helps us to move forward in our thinking to talk about it this way.

THE MEAT MARKET
It’s true, it’s almost impossible to describe the vibe at Desire. The people are amazing and friendly. A couple of things were new to us and took some processing to find our comfort zone. First, we only had one bad experience with a man who took some liberties getting “handsy” with Rosie without consent. Nothing bad, just very uncomfortable and aggressive. We didn’t really know how to handle it. We finally told him to back off after he basically jumped her on the dance floor when I turned my back for a moment. It was not a cool feeling to feel like I couldn’t trust this person around my wife. I really had to keep an eye on him. In our VERY limited experience, that was a new thing to process. The one meet and greet we went to before the trip, I felt like I could leave my wife alone to go to the restroom and she would be well protected and respected while I was away. Fortunately, the guy backed off and was very polite the rest of the week, but we didn’t engage in anything more than a “good morning” the rest of the week. Too bad because he seemed like a really fun and nice guy.

The other thing that was interesting to me was seeing other men flirt with my wife. While not aggressive or inappropriate, some men clearly were on the hunt and much more forward in their attempt to get close to her. Again, nothing inappropriate, just much more obviously going after what they wanted vs. really feeling out where we were. Others were, in my opinion, more caring or careful in how they engaged with her. Something to get used to. Like I didn’t like when a guy would get close to Rosie and talk to her without anyone else being able to hear. What are you saying to her that you don’t want me to hear? Could just be my protective streak, but it made me uncomfortable. Felt like they were trying to get us apart to work on her kind and generous nature. Could be nothing. <shrug>

Lastly, Rosie felt like the vibe in the disco was a bit like a meat market. Again, probably our inexperience, but it did feel different than any other time/place at the resort. Not bad. Just different. Not unsafe, but just something to think about relative to how you behave there.

THE REST OF THE WEEK
So that’s the big highlight from our trip. We fell in to a great routine of sex with the doors open in the morning, pool/gym/sauna/yoga, lunch, nap, hot tub, dinner, disco, play room (just the two of us with others doing their thing around us), bed. We participated in ALL the theme nights together. DRESS UP! It’s fun. You too guys. The girls appreciate it.

I know a lot of people complain about the play room. This was our first experience in one. While I would have liked to have more interaction and more people, it was sexy and fun to have sex there, even if there were only one or two other couples around. We missed any night that a big crowd was in there. That said, we had one experience where I was on my knees in front of Rosie playing with her and all of a sudden, I look to my left and there’s a woman with all her clothes on leaning over next to me watching us. Her husband was standing behind her holding her hips and grinding on her, but he was fully clothed too. It was a really weird vibe. Not at all sexy. I lost my wood and we decided to finish back in our room, which was great, but it was really off-putting to have someone just creepily get in your space like that. It wasn’t that someone was watching, because that’s hot, it was just the WAY it was being done. Hard to describe and I don’t know that they did anything wrong, but it was just weird and disappointing to ruin our fun. In any event, still a very big fan of the play room. :)

FOOD
Meh. We’re a bit snobby when it comes to food. We struggled with the food a bit. Go with anything Mexican and you’ll have the best of what they offer. The hibachi at Suki was inedible. The shrimp was way overcooked, the steak was over-salted. No sauces. We took two bites and left. Not worth it. The sushi at Suki is a grade above supermarket sushi. So not horrible, but not awesome. The beef tenderloin and pork tenderloin at Sahlo were awesome. There was typically something worth having at the buffets. You won’t go hungry, but just like the beach, if you’re going there for a food experience only, go somewhere else.  I did enjoy the post-sex breakfast buffet a lot.

LAST BITS
Would have liked the disco activities to start at 10p vs. 11p. The stuff in the lobby bar area is kind of a waste of time. Just open the damn disco and let us get our groove on and get the night moving.

We never made it to the hot tub after the disco. I just didn’t need one more thing to process, honestly. I’m sure it would have been fun, but after our activities early in the week, I just didn’t have it in me to add another new thing. :)

All that said, we got home on Sunday and on Monday we booked a return for Dec. 4th for another week!!!! Post-Desire Depression is real. It sucks coming back, it will be awesome to return!

Thanks for reading all the way to the end. You deserve a medal. :)
J and R
SLS/SDC/Kasidie: jandr2u
kik: caleqs

DRM 12/4-10 2019
DRM 5/26-6/1/19
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby NNJAsianCpl » Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:15 pm

Wow, great detailed report! Glad you guys had a good time and a great first LS experience!
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby D&KJ » Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:42 pm

Wow, great first trip. We are planning our second right now. I found Desire Pearl and convinced my wife to go, she is the driving force behind trip number 2.
You two sound A LOT like us, right down to you trying something different than your comfortable "tactical" clothing. My closet looks like 5.11 ad.

D.
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby jandr2u » Tue Jun 11, 2019 5:56 pm

D&KJ wrote:Wow, great first trip. We are planning our second right now. I found Desire Pearl and convinced my wife to go, she is the driving force behind trip number 2.
You two sound A LOT like us, right down to you trying something different than your comfortable "tactical" clothing. My closet looks like 5.11 ad.

D.


Cool! I originally wanted to book Pearl, but they were full, so cautiously booked DRM. I'm happy we did. I'd like to try Pearl at some point, but the party at DRM is so awesome, not sure we'll ever go anywhere else!! :)
J and R
SLS/SDC/Kasidie: jandr2u
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DRM 12/4-10 2019
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby Explorer79 » Wed Jun 12, 2019 12:41 am

Nice report, lots of great info in there for people that have never been, and even for those that have. To me you are both asking yourselves the right questions and the approach is perfect. Hang on, you're gonna have more fun that you can even realize :D

We set up rules for our DRM trip. Over a span of a couple of months, we went from probably having 50 rules to just saying, “No rules, no limitations, no expectations”. We did have a foundation that whatever we do, we do it together. This is about us and no one else.


This was exactly us. We often joke about it now as in how impractical it actually was, like "Hey, is it ok if I do x,y,z? Well, hold on, let me look up page 27, paragraph 2 sub section C which states then when at the bar before 4 pm and it's cloudy....". Before we arrived for the first trip we had simplified it down to exactly what you said, simply, "Whatever we do we do together". This has served us very well and I believe has vastly reduced the chances for misunderstandings, which leads into the second point as they are also inevitable...

We also gave each other permission to make mistakes. Hey, we might try some new stuff and we might get some of it wrong. When we do, we just need to say, “That didn’t work, let’s not do that again (for now).” and just move forward. We can’t blame each other. We are on this journey together. Its new. We have ZERO frame of reference and ZERO experience. We are going to make mistakes. Its ok. I love you and you love me. Period.


That is a perfect outlook. One of the sayings I've heard is "Protect the relationship above all else" and "Make sure your relationship is strong enough to withstand a mistake". To me those are two of the most important points.

All that said, we got home on Sunday and on Monday we booked a return for Dec. 4th for another week!!!! Post-Desire Depression is real. It sucks coming back, it will be awesome to return!


Ha, we did the same! Had the second trip booked when we got back and ended up back at RM 6 weeks later. I think in the first year we went an unsustainable 4 times, but it was worth it!

And yes PDDS is real (Post Desire Depression Syndrome). It just feels weird and wrong not to have a next trip booked. Then book the trip, ahhhh instant peace.

One thing we've done quite a bit, and it _really_ helped early on while we were still in the figuring things out period, was to book a few nights somewhere else afterwards (we've done it in Mexico and we've gone to another city in the US). We probably did this for our first 4 trips. I know, people will talk about not wanting to leave Desire, and how horrible that would be, and I get that, but the context matters - as long as you get enough nights at Desire then you can get the payoff of the bonus nights being somewhere just you and her for some reconnecting time. For us, this just isn't possible at home, certainly not in the same way. Having a few nights of just us alone but still vacationing was immensely helpful as we were able to process and discuss things outside of the Desire context, this was probably where the most progress was made.

Also, with raging Desire brain still in full force, well, let's just say the lifestyle thing isn't just limited to Desire, situations were presented that we would've never even thought about or noticed before, the vanilla resort didn't end up being so vanilla, we were so emboldened, it's actually surreal thinking back on it.

Another cool thing about this is that when you meet other strangers you can do something that most don't feel comfortable doing at home and that's talking about it with others. Since we'd never see these people again we just straight up told everyone where we just came from and what went on. It was a captive audience and that was a blast too.

Anyway good luck on your journey, perhaps we'll cross paths one day, like next October :D
\m/
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby jandr2u » Wed Jun 12, 2019 1:04 pm

Yeah. We actually had flight delays on our connection, so I rented a car to finish the last leg. We decided to stop on the way and stay overnight. It was a nice buffer before hitting home. We also didn't do the disco, etc. the night before we left. We only danced at the lobby bar and then went to the room for "us" time. It was nice not to go all-out on the last night, but to just connect and pour into each other before leaving.
J and R
SLS/SDC/Kasidie: jandr2u
kik: caleqs

DRM 12/4-10 2019
DRM 5/26-6/1/19
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby Asiancaucasion » Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:55 pm

Love the post. We’ve been to pearl 3 times and can’t wait to go back. We seem very similiar to you in taking it slow. Debating about our 4th trip bring all RM vs splitting our time between both. The beauty of desire is the people.
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Re: Newbie trip report, late May 2019

Postby jandr2u » Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am

Asiancaucasion wrote:Love the post. We’ve been to pearl 3 times and can’t wait to go back. We seem very similiar to you in taking it slow. Debating about our 4th trip bring all RM vs splitting our time between both. The beauty of desire is the people.


Thanks. Come join us at RM 12/4-10. :)
J and R
SLS/SDC/Kasidie: jandr2u
kik: caleqs

DRM 12/4-10 2019
DRM 5/26-6/1/19
User avatar
jandr2u
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Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2018 10:08 am
We are from: USA
Will be at Desire: Riviera Maya
We arrive on: 26 May 2019
Swing Site(s) we belong to: SLS


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