Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

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Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby BlueButterfly110 » Fri Nov 22, 2019 11:45 am

So my husband and I are going to Desire Pearl next month and when we booked it we were really excited. We're not in the lifestyle, just very happy with each other. We're a young couple (both under 30) and thought this would be a fun and exciting trip from the usual resorts in Mexico. He's very excited about getting naked, but I'm a little on the shy side. In fact, I'm most likely going to keep my bikini on the entire time.
The more I think about the resort and what it entails, the more I'm getting nervous now. We're both pretty basic people and have never been in this type of atmosphere.
I'm also a little nervous about the erotic/sensual massage, is it worth the money without the *touching*?

I hate to say it, but I'm a pretty vanilla person and a little scared, but I also don't want to ruin the experience for my husband who does want to go.

I just want to have a fun and romantic experience with my husband. Can anybody calm me down? lol

and please be nice. I know I'm a little prude but I'm trying...
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby El Duderino » Fri Nov 22, 2019 3:14 pm

Disclaimer: not a lady, but I know some

My advice is that you'll probably love it. No one is pushy or aggressive and no one cares if you wear a full wet suit or go nude. People will still want to talk to you and make friends.
Communication is key and go easy on the drinks the first day or two. Too many people get nervous, get wasted, and miss a lot of fun stuff. Hopefully you can relax and enjoy your sexy vacation!
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby Mj8014 » Fri Nov 22, 2019 6:08 pm

I’m in the same boat. The closer to the trip the more nervous I get. I have moments where I feel really brave. Then moments where I worry it will be a disaster. But, my husband reminds me that in the end, it’s us spending time together and that will be worth it.
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby RJOC » Fri Nov 22, 2019 6:51 pm

My wife was nervous before our first trip to Desire - but she mustered up the courage and we booked the trip. She was pretty conservative and couldn't comprehend doing something like this at all.

After we arrived, she found it was not a free-for-all orgy, and almost immediately became comfortable. She soon dropped all her clothing, relaxed and started enjoying the "Desire Vibe." We had such a wonderful time reinventing our sexuality and we lost our inhibitions and began to experience the full effects of the environment.

We've since gone back multiple times over the years, and she wishes we had started going to Desire earlier.

We drank the coolaid and have become members - there is no going back now :lol:
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby CatawampusHalo » Fri Nov 22, 2019 7:13 pm

At pearl you can stay at the quiet end of the pool and avoid the debauchery completely if you want and still have a nice vacation. You can go to the happening end of the pool and stay clothed the entire time and have a great time. I tell people the lifestyle is there but you have to really go looking for it if you want to indulge.

I even recommended the place to my 100%vanilla best friend. There's nothing you can do that's better for your marriage than to be in that atmosphere that is so totally concentrated on celebrating couples and love with no other distractions.

There will not be people hitting on you left and right out of the blue. It'll come up in conversation before hand if you're vanilla (hey how did you guys find the resort? What made you come here? ) and no one is going to try to lure in a couple that isn't interested. No one wants that drama.

Relax and enjoy!
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby Cpl du Nord » Fri Nov 22, 2019 7:21 pm

I initiated our first trip a few months after my husband suggested it (with no pressure) as an option for an upcoming spring trip. After some time and some research, I began to think that it might be a sexy way to re-connect with my husband (and only him). I had all of the same anxiety - people having sex everywhere, other people pressuring us to join them, etc.

As the trip approached, we went out a few times specifically to discuss how we would operate when we got there - or basically my ground rules :). I spent some time thinking things through and writing down my thoughts ahead of time, so that helped me in the discussion. Overall, this helped us to get on the same page with all of it.

When the time came to go on the trip, we were both a bundle of nerves. We just put one foot in front of the other and pushed through it. All it took was a few hours and I got more and more comfortable. My anxiety settled and I became more and more relaxed and comfortable throughout the week.

The biggest reason I loved my first experience at Pearl was because of the wonderful people that I met and the conversations that we had with them. I learned that this was one of the few places where people actually talk to each other and had real conversations. Initially, I thought I would never see people again. However 4 years and 7 trips later, we see many of the same people each time we go. We also stay in touch with several couples and even coordinate our trips with others. Another reason I love Pearl so much is that I have gained self-confidence in myself. When the clothes come off, everyone becomes more vulnerable and human. Everyone has a different shape body - and that's ok!

Echoing others, you can get as much out of the place as you want. Sit back on your lounger and watch, or get in the pool and talk to people. Go to the jacuzzi and chat, or just go back to your room and ravage your husband (or vice versa). ;) I have never experienced anyone pushing me (or us) into anything. If there is any hint of such a thing, my husband and other gentlemen have put themselves in between and discouraged the behavior.

So relax and enjoy. Go with your gut. Have fun.
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby TandD » Sat Nov 23, 2019 1:55 pm

I'm not a woman but I know my wife would want to assure you so I'll respond.

First, fear of the unknown - especially the sexually unknown - is normal. Don't feel bad for feeling nervous about what you are stepping into. That just compounds the feelings. I dare say almost everyone who comes here was nervous on their first trip. You gals are justifiably leery of walking into a sexually charged environment. You have every right to have your shields up and only bring them down after you have assessed the situation and gotten comfortable. Self preservation is a thing.

Secondly, you can read the posts here saying you will be fine (and I/we could add our own response that says the same things as everyone else) but you don't know us and what is "normal" for us. To you it's like "Well sure they say it's fine but they are a bunch of sex-crazed swingers. What else would they say!"

What you will find however - probably only after you come here and experience it firsthand - is that we (collectively) really are no different than you. The common denominator among all of us is that we all enjoy sex. It's fun, it's meaningful, it's daring, it's lots of things that are really important to people. The thing about sex (and our naked bodies frankly) that's different from other activities we enjoy though is that you can't share it with others (normally). It's a whole section of our lives that is kept behind closed doors and not really discussed (or viewed) in "proper" conversations.

Desire gives you the opportunity to open the curtain that hides these things from others - and you can choose to open the curtain as much as you want. You can keep it closed but talk to others on the other side about topics that you wouldn't discuss with anyone besides your SO. You can keep yours closed but look through ones that have been opened up by others. You can open yours up a little tiny slit, or throw the whole thing open and invite people inside. It's totally up to you. Whether the curtain is your bathing suit you keep on until you feel comfortable or it shields something sexual you do, it doesn't matter to anyone there. No one is keeping track of what you are doing or not doing. The mere fact that you are there gives you a special common ground with everyone else that makes conversation and engagement so easy and enjoyable.

I, like others, predict you will get over your nerves very soon after arriving and will be back here to post a glowing trip report about how you can't believe you were ever so worried about how this would be.

Have fun!
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby explfun » Mon Nov 25, 2019 8:27 am

We did our first trip over a year ago. We are not in the LS nor prior to the trip did we experience being nude in public or around other nude folks. It was for a milestone anniversary and we wanted to do something memorable. I did research and stumbled on Desire when looking for couples only resorts in Mexico. My wife was very much against it . She is not a prude but being naked (or not) around other naked people was intimidating for her and have to admit for me too. I asked her to not rule it out and think about it, she slowly warmed to the idea. She was going to keep her bikini the whole time too or so she said. We ended up having a blast and enjoyed each other to the fullest extent at the jacuzzi and the beach :P This is a massively different experience considering we both grew up in conservative part of the world but have been living in the US for a long time.

We immediately made plans to come back soon but some family commitments didn’t afford us the opportunity until now. We are visiting pearl from 12/1 to 12/5. I would say go with the flow, everyone here that responded here is right, YOU make it the vacation you want it to be.
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby happyrwe » Wed Nov 27, 2019 5:23 am

Just take a deep breath and relax. Read some of the posts and talk to each other.I remember the same feeling on our first trip. As a Vanilla couple ourselves and are heading back for our fifth trip in June.Once there our first time,I was also scared. We just sat back and let things flow.No need to rush a good thing.We have met some of the nicest people and could care less if they have on a bathing suite or not.We just enjoy how relaxing life can be. I remember our second trip and doing the R&L class [which they had just started] and so worried about it becoming some kind of orgie or something.My husband guaranteed me if at any time I became uncomfortable we would leave.Very relaxing attmospher.Never doing anything like this prior.This was the class for men to pleasure the woman.I could not wait for the class to pleasure my husband. Now I see why it is never too late to go back to school. Still a Vanilla couple and married for 40 years and just returned after spending our anniversary in October there.
At the jacuzzi things can get active at night and nobody could care less.I just enjoy that there is a place like Pearl where you can relax and let yourself be you.
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby travelfun » Thu Dec 05, 2019 2:15 pm

We have gotten this question before but always feel its important to chime in to lend some encouragement.

We were 24 when we first went to desire RM! We only booked 2 nights because of the age and vanilla concerns among others. We were extremely sad to leave and go to a normal resort that just seemed boring in comparison. We quickly booked another trip the next year and stayed much longer. The age thing was never really even a concern after arriving. Our age actually ended up being a good conversation starter in the pool/jacuzzi. "Hey , how old are you anyway?...Haha, great! First time here?..."

We also were never made to feel awkward or uncomfortable for being vanilla.

We are now both 33 have gone to desire 6 times in the last 9 years. We are also no longer vanilla, but that was by our own choice and at our own pace. :D

We now go to Pearl because we like the bigger rooms and restaurants.

Best advice: just go and have fun with each other. Be open minded and don't be afraid to chat with people.
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Re: Nervous First Trip, Ladies help please

Postby SunnyDDays » Thu Dec 05, 2019 9:28 pm

Thank you everyone for all this really great encouragement! I’m a first timer as well and it’s great to know that nerves are a standard response that pretty much everyone has before their first trip. I feel incredibly reassured that this is going to be a phenomenal, freeing vacation and I can’t wait!
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