Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

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Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby tonysoprano » Tue Jun 06, 2023 3:27 pm

My apologies ahead of time for the long winded post!

My girlfriend/fiancee (of 6+ years) and I have been debating on going on an international beach vacation for some time now. We haven't been on one since right before the pandemic. I discovered Desire maybe about a year ago when I was just browsing all-inclusive resorts in Mexico, but never thought I'd want to go, or even if I did want to, that my gf would agree to come with me.

As time has gone on, I've been becoming more open, accepting and understanding of some of my kinks. While I'm not, and don't see myself ever becoming, a member of the "lifestyle" (never say never I guess), I've come to learn that I get extremely turned on by hearing and seeing other people perform sexual activities. Not only that, but I think I also enjoy being watched while performing sexual acts. Turns out, I guess I enjoy a little voyeurism and exhibitionism.

When her and I first started dating, back in college, we used to have a ton of fun. Sex on the balcony during spring break, sneaking blowjobs at night on a pool bed, sex outside behind her college apartment when her parents were visiting. But of course, we got older, we stopped getting drunk so often, and we have real world responsibilities now. Now we have plain, vanilla sex maybe every 2-3 weeks. If I'm lucky. Mind you, we're only 29M and 27F.

Last week, I said "f**k it, we're going to book this vacation". Desire was the first place that came to mind for some reason. So I created a pros and cons list and sent it to her along with the website to Desire Pearl. And surprisingly, she said she was down. In my pros/cons list, I listed:

Pros:
1. All inclusive vacation on a Mexican beach with no other kids or annoying teenagers/college kids
2. Sauna/spa included
3. can be nude if we want, clothing optional, not nude mandatory
4. can spice things up, as in, sex in public areas, balcony, etc
5. don't need to be self-conscious about body image
6. something the both of us can enjoy. I can enjoy my voyeurism, she can enjoy a regular beach vacation

Cons:
1. May have to see other people have sex (I only listed this because I'm not sure how she feels about it yet. For me personally, this is a pro)

Are there any other pros/cons anybody can think of that I could use to help maybe ease her mind or make her feel more comfortable about going here? We haven't had a full discussion yet, as we aren't planning on going for another month, but I'm wondering if I'm missing anything that could help when we do have the discussion. I plan on telling her exactly why I want to go, what I'm expecting out of the trip and what I'm not expecting out of the trip. I do plan on being nude, maybe not on day 1, but definitely at some point during the trip. I wanted to reiterate to her that it's not a requirement if she doesn't feel comfortable, but I am hoping that by day 2 she will be comfortable enough to at least have her titties out.

tl;dr: non-lifestyle, young couple (29M 27F) planning first Pearl trip, what are pros/cons to help ease F mind about this trip?

Thanks in advance!
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby mikeinnj » Tue Jun 06, 2023 3:38 pm

I didn’t try the pro con method. After being told no to hedo (she wasn’t thrilled with single guys there) I found this forum. I had her read some of the trip reports and she then said yes. That was many years and trips ago. I’d start with trip reports and work from there.

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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby tonysoprano » Tue Jun 06, 2023 3:47 pm

mikeinnj wrote:I didn’t try the pro con method. After being told no to hedo (she wasn’t thrilled with single guys there) I found this forum. I had her read some of the trip reports and she then said yes. That was many years and trips ago. I’d start with trip reports and work from there.

Mike


This is a great idea, thank you. Thinking we can pull some up on a big screen and read through them together.
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby spanky67 » Tue Jun 06, 2023 9:22 pm

tonysoprano wrote:My apologies ahead of time for the long winded post!

My girlfriend/fiancee (of 6+ years) and I have been debating on going on an international beach vacation for some time now. We haven't been on one since right before the pandemic. I discovered Desire maybe about a year ago when I was just browsing all-inclusive resorts in Mexico, but never thought I'd want to go, or even if I did want to, that my gf would agree to come with me.

As time has gone on, I've been becoming more open, accepting and understanding of some of my kinks. While I'm not, and don't see myself ever becoming, a member of the "lifestyle" (never say never I guess), I've come to learn that I get extremely turned on by hearing and seeing other people perform sexual activities. Not only that, but I think I also enjoy being watched while performing sexual acts. Turns out, I guess I enjoy a little voyeurism and exhibitionism.

When her and I first started dating, back in college, we used to have a ton of fun. Sex on the balcony during spring break, sneaking blowjobs at night on a pool bed, sex outside behind her college apartment when her parents were visiting. But of course, we got older, we stopped getting drunk so often, and we have real world responsibilities now. Now we have plain, vanilla sex maybe every 2-3 weeks. If I'm lucky. Mind you, we're only 29M and 27F.

Last week, I said "f**k it, we're going to book this vacation". Desire was the first place that came to mind for some reason. So I created a pros and cons list and sent it to her along with the website to Desire Pearl. And surprisingly, she said she was down. In my pros/cons list, I listed:

Pros:
1. All inclusive vacation on a Mexican beach with no other kids or annoying teenagers/college kids
2. Sauna/spa included
3. can be nude if we want, clothing optional, not nude mandatory
4. can spice things up, as in, sex in public areas, balcony, etc
5. don't need to be self-conscious about body image
6. something the both of us can enjoy. I can enjoy my voyeurism, she can enjoy a regular beach vacation

Cons:
1. May have to see other people have sex (I only listed this because I'm not sure how she feels about it yet. For me personally, this is a pro)

Are there any other pros/cons anybody can think of that I could use to help maybe ease her mind or make her feel more comfortable about going here? We haven't had a full discussion yet, as we aren't planning on going for another month, but I'm wondering if I'm missing anything that could help when we do have the discussion. I plan on telling her exactly why I want to go, what I'm expecting out of the trip and what I'm not expecting out of the trip. I do plan on being nude, maybe not on day 1, but definitely at some point during the trip. I wanted to reiterate to her that it's not a requirement if she doesn't feel comfortable, but I am hoping that by day 2 she will be comfortable enough to at least have her titties out.

tl;dr: non-lifestyle, young couple (29M 27F) planning first Pearl trip, what are pros/cons to help ease F mind about this trip?

Thanks in advance!

The obvious...you can't "convince" her so don't try. Seems like you've already figured that part out.

We're other end of the spectrum from you...married 30 years (mid 50's)...but jumped into the entire scene by getting on a plane and flying to Pearl. Never looked back. We were both 100% on board. MANY conversations happened before we ever made it to JFK for take-off.

My advice...Podcasts. We Gotta Thing and The Curious Couple come to mind. We are big fans of both (although The Curious Couple has stopped posting). We Gotta Thing has several podcast reviews of Pearl, along with other very useful topics. It may seem a bit "slow" at first, but give it a chance. We weren't huge fans initially, but now we are religious listeners. If you've got a long car ride in your near future, put it on and drive.

Good luck!! Not sure we'll ever go on a vanilla vacay again :)
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby landw2 » Wed Jun 07, 2023 2:05 pm

Was in the same boat as you with the same questions prior to our first trip.

Two things that she felt comfortable with saying yes to going:
1. Clothing optional so she did not have to show anything she was not comfortable with.
2. Couples only so no single guys lurking about and eyeing her as a target for conquest

Worked out great. She was topless within minutes of getting to the pool area and was nude a few times.

We now go 2-3 times a year and making our 14th trip this October.
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby gaviao » Thu Jun 08, 2023 11:42 am

With my partner things were gradual. She started going topless from the first time we went to Cancun together, in '97, when she was only 23. So she started to lose her inhibitions. That's why it was very simple and natural that at 27 we went to our first C/O resort, in Baja, where although there were some "spicy" activities, the lifestyle was far below the waters. But she fell in love with nudism.
We continue to do nudism everywhere possible.
When closing the hotel in Baja, due 9/11 tourism crisis, we changed to Caribbean Reef Club in Puerto Morelos, where lifestyle was part of the essence of that small hotel. And although we never actively participated in swinging, we did participate in much more daring activities at the club at night.
So when Desire opened in 2003, we were both more than convinced that it was THE PLACE to go.
You, friend, have it more difficult.
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby playatropical » Thu Jun 08, 2023 5:11 pm

The mere fact that she said she was down to go with you to a resort like this is an initial win. Just take it slow with her. The woman controls the pace. You can have the time of your life at places like this with all the fun to be had. Take it all in, talk often, (to others too!) and enjoy. It's a journey (longer for some than others) which only gets better with the next trip. Sounds like you have it covered with the research so now just go have a blast.
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby STL-MO-CPL » Thu Jun 08, 2023 9:39 pm

I agree with the previous post about Podcasts. There are literally dozens of different high quality podcasts on the topic of ethical non-monogamy and the vast majority of them have been to Hedonism, Temptation, Desire RM, or Desire Pearl. The episode long reviews are gold. Due to the adult nature of the resorts, there's not a whole lot of high quality reviews on YouTube, but there are a few. On a side note, Swinger Diaries, before they retired their show, had a few episodes about Desire and they are actually members of this website. We were fortunate enough to meet them in real life on our last trip to Pearl.
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby ninaandfrank » Fri Jun 09, 2023 1:40 am

Hi, I apologize for jumping in here so late but it has been a horrific week at work. Here are my two cents on this topic. I think your point number 6 bears keeping in mind. Since it is your first trip, I would stay clear from trying to get your fiancé to do anything that she isn’t already comfortable with. One of the great things about Desire is that it can be almost anything you want. You can:
Lay on the beach and zone out
Dance the night away
Socialize in the hot tub
Hit the spa or fitness room
Try dipping your toes (and other body parts) into the LS
Play pool games
Sun your buns
And much more or any combination you choose. I recommend you focus solely on what your fiancé likes to do and present those aspects of the vacation. Unless her only idea of a good trip is skiing in St. Moritz you are bound to find something that she finds appealing. If your intent was to introduce her to some aspect of the LS such as exhibitionism/voyeurism then I think that may be too much of a “hard sell”. Actually, I don’t recommend you try to introduce her to the LS at all. I would recommend you merely take her on a great Desire getaway and let the LS introduce itself to her. Once she feels more comfortable in the atmosphere to begin with, she’ll socialize with other folks who will put a more human and friendly face on the more sexy aspects of the whole Desire experience. Most importantly don’t overthink it. If you stress it, she’ll pick up on that and it will stress her. If she says she just wants to lay on a lounge chair, read a book and sip wine all week; embrace that and don’t push for anything more. Just let things happen naturally.

Frank

P.S. We also have become podcast junkies!
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby Orcowgirl » Sat Jun 10, 2023 11:21 am

In our opinion, she would not have gone had we listened to any of the podcasts as they give the emphasis on swinging. We found the Desire resorts as we wanted a couples vacation with no tan lines and a sexy atmosphere. We love hot PDA without getting in trouble. Our sex life has been hot and heavy since college and "routine" is everyday (or goodness in the middle of the night) and we didn't go looking for "others" to add to it. 5 years later, we still LOVE the resorts and have been 25+ times in that time. Read the trip reviews. Realize the resorts are usually 60% non lifestyle and mostly couples there for themselves and a good time, being involved in the sexy PDA, hot tub flirting and the fun theme nights where you can wear what you want or next to nothing. It's a blast! (Also, you are extremely on the young side, so you will be on vaca with your parents and maybe grandparents).
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby tonysoprano » Tue Jul 11, 2023 9:06 pm

Orcowgirl wrote:(Also, you are extremely on the young side, so you will be on vaca with your parents and maybe grandparents).


I would've loved to go the rest of my life without ever visualizing this :lol: :lol: :lol: but I do understand that this is the reality, and it is what it is. Doesn't bother me either way *as long as it's not actually my parents and grandparents that I see walking around the resort...*
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby tonysoprano » Tue Jul 11, 2023 9:17 pm

Thank you everybody for taking the time out to give your thoughts!

The initial post-booking nervousness has worn off, and now that we're ~1.5 weeks away from arrival, the nervousness has turned into excitement. Her and I have been very busy with work and life so we haven't had a sit down discussion, but I think that's a good thing. Instead of getting ourselves worked up with expectations, "what if this happens, what if that happens, oh god, I really hope that doesn't happen, why don't we cancel and go elsewhere", I think we'll benefit much more from just viewing it as a regular vacation and going with the flow, like many of you have said.

She's bought a few very sexy, revealing outfits specifically for this trip, that she would never have worn to a regular night out, so it looks like whether she chooses to go nude once we get there or not, either way I'll have a great show :)

See y'all next friday :bj
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby tj71903 » Sat Jul 15, 2023 10:44 am

Asked her if the rag smelled like chloroform
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby tj71903 » Sat Jul 15, 2023 10:45 am

tonysoprano wrote:
Orcowgirl wrote:(Also, you are extremely on the young side, so you will be on vaca with your parents and maybe grandparents).


I would've loved to go the rest of my life without ever visualizing this :lol: :lol: :lol: but I do understand that this is the reality, and it is what it is. Doesn't bother me either way *as long as it's not actually my parents and grandparents that I see walking around the resort...*


It's the reality for most trips. But sometimes you find people in your own demographic.
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Re: Newbies, how did you convince your s/o?

Postby Siren » Mon Jul 17, 2023 4:51 pm

This was a fun thread to read! I definitely hope you'll come back in and tell us how the trip went!
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