Desire Resort Forums

Hi everyone,

My wife and I are planning a massive trip for our 20th wedding anniversary, which also coincides with us both turning 40 (we're planning way ahead for 2030!). We have previously done the Excellence and Sandals routes. While we loved the luxury, they are strictly "no PDA/no nudity" zones, and we are looking for something a bit more open for this milestone.
Our current itinerary idea is to fly in and spend the first 3 days in Puerto Morelos doing some local adventuring—snorkeling the reef and exploring the jungle cenotes—just to decompress. After that, we’d check into Desire Pearl for the last 4 nights for the all-inclusive portion of the trip.

Here is our dynamic: We are not swingers or full nudists, but we definitely have an exhibitionist streak. We get turned on by the thrill of potentially being seen having sex (e.g., balcony action, playing in a hot tub, quiet sex in a cabana). We have never been to a sex club or really done anything intentionally in public. We've never been to a nude beach even. We want a resort where mild PDA and this kind of play are allowed, but we don't necessarily want it to be the hyper-focus of the entire trip.
I am very excited about the idea of Desire Pearl and am totally fine with the nudity and the PDS around us. My wife, however, is apprehensive. I think we would have a great time once we get over the initial discomfort of it being so different from anything we've experienced.

Her main concerns are:
1. Being overwhelmed by the intense "lifestyle" crowd.
2. Being uncomfortable if hardcore public sex is inescapable everywhere we look.
3. Feeling out of place or pressured if we just want to keep to ourselves, be a little exhibitionist, and not swap or mingle heavily.
4. Just being too uncomfortable with the nudity and not being able to get over that once we get there and that ruining the entire trip.

Can a couple like us use Desire Pearl as a safe space to dip our toes into this, enjoy some balcony/hot tub freedom, and still have a romantic vacation? Or is the swinger/PDS element at Pearl going to be too intense for a wife who is still very much on the fence?

We'd love some honest reality checks from the veterans. Thank you!

It’s not intense at all. Many people who go to Pearl are looking for just the same as you. There is zero pressure to do anything outside what you want. You can avoid most of the PDS activity if you wish. But what will actually happen is the combination of a little exposure and curiosity will tempt you into ‘looking’ to see what else goes on around the hot tub. It won’t take long before you think of it as just normal.
Nudity might be a bit different though. If you want to get your wife used to nudity go to Hidden Beach. It’s clothing optional but I can assure you within a day being nude at Hidden Beach will feel like the most normal thing in the world and your wife will wonder why anybody wants to wear clothes on vacation. That’s what happened to my wife who started out just the same as yours. She was topless within an hour, full nude within a day and by the second day so relaxed she said I wish we had discovered this years ago.

CandP wrote:Her main concerns are:
1. Being overwhelmed by the intense "lifestyle" crowd.
2. Being uncomfortable if hardcore public sex is inescapable everywhere we look.
3. Feeling out of place or pressured if we just want to keep to ourselves, be a little exhibitionist, and not swap or mingle heavily.
4. Just being too uncomfortable with the nudity and not being able to get over that once we get there and that ruining the entire trip.

Can a couple like us use Desire Pearl as a safe space to dip our toes into this, enjoy some balcony/hot tub freedom, and still have a romantic vacation? Or is the swinger/PDS element at Pearl going to be too intense for a wife who is still very much on the fence?

We'd love some honest reality checks from the veterans. Thank you!

1. The lifestyle crowd is not intense, not in the slightest. You will be asked if you're lifestyle, just say that you're not. Easy.
2. You will see sex around the hot tub, I wouldn't call it inescapable, don't look if that bothers you. You might occasionally see it on peoples balconies outside their rooms. But if seeing sex is an issue then do not go.
3. This will be no issue what so ever.
4. This is possibly your only problem. If you aren't comfortable with other people being nude do not go to Pearl, it simply isn't the place for you. Only a small percentage of people will not be nude at the pool and hot tub. PDS, is that public display of sex? Then yep you will see that. The problem is you simply don't know what she'll be comfortable with until you go.

Everything said here in the comments is correct. Don’t overthink it. Just go, learn firsthand what it’s all about, and have fun!

Guests of these resorts are generally respectful humans, and they know what it’s like being first-time visitors. We’ve all been there before.

CandP wrote:...
Her main concerns are:
1. Being overwhelmed by the intense "lifestyle" crowd.
2. Being uncomfortable if hardcore public sex is inescapable everywhere we look.
3. Feeling out of place or pressured if we just want to keep to ourselves, be a little exhibitionist, and not swap or mingle heavily.
4. Just being too uncomfortable with the nudity and not being able to get over that once we get there and that ruining the entire trip.

Can a couple like us use Desire Pearl as a safe space to dip our toes into this, enjoy some balcony/hot tub freedom, and still have a romantic vacation? Or is the swinger/PDS element at Pearl going to be too intense for a wife who is still very much on the fence?
... Thank you!

Hi!

As many have said already, the lifestyle aspect is not intense. You might not even notice it. There might be PDA (aka s*x) on the beds around the hot tub, but it's not in-your-face by any means. There have been times I've laid on a bed and not even realized there was s*x in the next bed over. There's a sexy atmosphere, for sure, and it's entirely up to you how far you and your partner want to go.

I am a very shy person and often like to keep to myself, even at Desire. My husband, on the other hand, is the social butterfly, making small talk, sneaking in hugs, jokes, etc. You don't have to feel out of place: you can socialize or you can lay back and just observe. It's YOUR vacation, you don't have to feel uncomfortable at all.

I will say that I was super shy before my first visit to Desire. I was the kind of girl who was too afraid to change in the girls' locker rooms. I wouldn't even undress in front of my own mother! I was so sure I would not go naked when we got to Desire. An hour after arriving, the clothes magically fell off. It is surprisingly liberating and now that I've done it, I realize how much I love it. My husband and I have visited Haulover Beach (nude) in FL many times over the past few years. Skin, sun, sand and sea are a great combination! But even if you or your wife do not wish to go nude, that is fine also. It is clothing optional, so nudity is not mandatory. (But keep in mind that it is a lot more fun!)

I would suggest reading this: viewtopic.php?f=14&t=10224 It's my favorite Desire trip report of all time. It's long, but it's worth it.

Another good read is my second favorite trip report: viewtopic.php?f=14&t=7452&p=64990&hilit=brazilian#p64986

I'd also suggest checking out TripAdvisor for reviews.

Good luck!

Thank you all so much for the honest and thoughtful responses

Hearing that the culture is entirely pressure-free and that it’s completely fine to just keep to ourselves is a massive relief. At the same time, I really appreciate the blunt truth about the visuals—knowing that the nudity is universal and that we *will* see PDS around the hot tub gives us a clear picture of what to expect so there are no surprises.

Hearing the stories from travmex and Cheers2US about your wives starting off in the exact same boat as mine is incredibly reassuring.

I’m going to let my wife process everything at her own pace and let her bring it up when she's ready to look at the options again. If she feels like she can push through that initial hour of shock, it sounds like Pearl is exactly the safe space we are looking for to celebrate our 20th.

Thanks again for being so welcoming to a couple of newbies!

I've been reading reviews on TripAdvisor and I'm noticing more negative reviews lately that mention new management. He's anyone here experienced changes in the service at Pearl in a negative way?

CandP wrote:I've been reading reviews on TripAdvisor and I'm noticing more negative reviews lately that mention new management. He's anyone here experienced changes in the service at Pearl in a negative way?

I've seen the reviews you mention. As first timers, I wouldn't be too concerned with those. Many of the reviews are from long-time folks who have seen base prices rise, while at the same time, seeing more of an upsell for basic services that were free for years (for example, sauna and steam room used to be free to use for all; now there is a charge to use those for non-members with rumors members will also have to pay something like $40 per person per day). The basic model of Desire has not changed. Upsell items are newer and not appreciated by folks who are paying top dollar (and who have paid many thousands over the years, like us).

The staff remains top notch and the guests who bring the fun still show (but maybe in less numbers because of rising costs). I'd still go, check it out and have a naked good time.

Just got an email today from premier experience that states:
"Did you know that guests enjoy full complimentary access to the hydrotherapy circuit at Desire Pearl? Including a mixed, clothing-optional jacuzzi (sexual activity not permitted), sauna, and steam room."

Mr&MrsS&L wrote:Just got an email today from premier experience that states:
"Did you know that guests enjoy full complimentary access to the hydrotherapy circuit at Desire Pearl? Including a mixed, clothing-optional jacuzzi (sexual activity not permitted), sauna, and steam room."

Is that for Premier members or all guests?

CandP wrote:I've been reading reviews on TripAdvisor and I'm noticing more negative reviews lately that mention new management. He's anyone here experienced changes in the service at Pearl in a negative way?

I think a lot of the negative sentiment relates to the Premier membership, and how benefits were removed for many. I am not a Premier member, and my husband & I had a lovely visit to Pearl in May. We loved it so much, we couldn't wait to rebook for September.

Our visit was mostly positive, with a few negatives that were very minor.

Cheers2US wrote:

CandP wrote:I've been reading reviews on TripAdvisor and I'm noticing more negative reviews lately that mention new management. He's anyone here experienced changes in the service at Pearl in a negative way?

I think a lot of the negative sentiment relates to the Premier membership, and how benefits were removed for many. I am not a Premier member, and my husband & I had a lovely visit to Pearl in May. We loved it so much, we couldn't wait to rebook for September.

Our visit was mostly positive, with a few negatives that were very minor.

Ok, that's reassuring. I kinda expect that without us having a frame of reference of going previously, we would not have anything to be disappointed by without having any expectations.

I've also thought about going to RM instead of Pearl as having fewer people completely nude might make my wife more comfortable, but also I can see how that could actually be more awkward with it being 50/50 instead of mostly everyone nude. Plus, with RM being the bigger party place, that is definitely not our vibe as we are very laid back and would want to have a relaxing time.

Go to Pearl. Find your nice little corner and enjoy each others company at the quiet end of the pool if you wish, swimsuits or no swimsuits. Have some great dinners, watch some great entertainment, dance in the disco, and participate in a couple, or all of the theme nights. We all were newbies once. It can be as mild or as wild as you want. You can ease into it at your own pace. Hope you enjoy !

Here’s my advice on the nudity thing :
Go to Pearl, the much higher % of nudity will make you more comfortable not less. Half of the men running about in cargo shorts, that’s going to stop you trying nudity, not encourage. Almost everyone being naked has the opposite effect, you start feeling like the odd one out and think - why not!
Go with the intention that you might try it - have a pact with your wife that there is no pressure to try it, it’s 100% her decision , but ask her to be open minded. And go with the agreement that if after two days she hates it, you will check out regardless of cost. But give it two days.
Tell her to go out shopping and buy couple of nice see thru wraps and very flimsy bikinis. The shopping process alone will get her started thinking in the right direction.
Start at Pearl by going topless, after a little time to acclimatize, but with a skimpy bikini bottom. If she never progresses beyond that, that is ok.
After a day or so when she is in the pool and comfortable, ask her to try slipping off the bottom and swim about. No one can see anything.
Once past that, try walk back and forward to the pool nude, it just takes seconds.
When walking about wear only the flimsy wraps and nothing underneath. That more than anything got my wife to full nudity. It’s amazing how a completely see thru wrap that hides pretty much nothing, feels like a comfort blanket to start with.
Go with the full acceptance that other people will be nude and close, and that won’t bother you. They paid for their vacation to get that way, so don’t ever show any disapproval. If you can’t do that you can’t get over the start line.
Some people will tell you to just go cold turkey, dive straight in to the nudity thing, and get it over with fast. That might work for some, but the above got my wife to become a dedicated nudist in two days.

CandP wrote:Thank you all so much for the honest and thoughtful responses

Hearing that the culture is entirely pressure-free and that it’s completely fine to just keep to ourselves is a massive relief. At the same time, I really appreciate the blunt truth about the visuals—knowing that the nudity is universal and that we *will* see PDS around the hot tub gives us a clear picture of what to expect so there are no surprises.

Hearing the stories from travmex and Cheers2US about your wives starting off in the exact same boat as mine is incredibly reassuring.

I’m going to let my wife process everything at her own pace and let her bring it up when she's ready to look at the options again. If she feels like she can push through that initial hour of shock, it sounds like Pearl is exactly the safe space we are looking for to celebrate our 20th.

Thanks again for being so welcoming to a couple of newbies!

Do yourself a favor and just go. We've been in your shoes. It's an amazing experience. There is no pressure. The best part is just the people you meet and how amazing they are - in the LS or not. Everyone makes you feel welcome. The fact that there is a lot of nudity is what makes things feel like not a big deal. You'll appreciate the open, freeing, no judgment feeling that simply cannot be matched anywhere else.