After months of anticipation...am I REALLY getting cold feet

[Jenyphur]

Today is Monday....my b/f of a year and a half leave in exactly 3 days from now to go to Pearl for 6 days. Although we have been on shorter weekend type trips together (Vegas, skiing, Cali, etc) I am all of a sudden feeling a little bit anxious or getting a case of cold feet! I'm a generally pretty confident person and take on new things pretty easily. However, I have to admit my insecurities are maybe getting the best of me. Ugh, I figure I will just go ahead and list them all out there on this forum and face my fears so here they are:

My Body. I am 46 years old. Let's face it, I don't have the body of a 20 year old. Hell...even when I was a 20 year old I didn't have the body I wanted. Over the course of many years, growing older and wiser I have come to accept and love almost all of my body. I have had two beautiful children and well to be perfectly honest, the second one was 9lbs and did a lot of damage to my 5'2 frame. lol. Trust me, it was all worth it but I have the battle scars to prove it. About a year 1/2 ago after dropping 25 lbs and working out 5x a week for an entire year I underwent a 'Mommy Makeover'. This was a pretty extensive deal....a tummy tuck, breast implants (I opted to NOT do a lift even though the dr suggested it) and liposuction of my saddlebags. Although I really had no clue how tough the recovery would be...it was VERY MUCH worth it. I am so happy with my breasts (even though they sag a bit still) and my stomach looks like a 20 year olds...it's PERFECT. My lower body has always been my biggest issue. I was a gymnast (and every other sport) growing up so I have always had big thighs. I think they word kids use now is 'thick'. Ok, I have no problem with that..but it seems no matter what I do I still have some cellulite and dimples. I hate it. I will admit that when I'm working out 5-6x a week spinning and practically killing myself, they were looking a LOT better. But since then, I have fallen in love and well I haven't been as diligent in the gym as I used to be.

Being Naked. This kind of goes with the first although even if I was more confident in my body, I don't think I would be any more confident to walk around completely naked. Not to mention that hip to hip scar on my lower abdomen from the tummy tuck. The only person other than my immediate family to ever see this scar is my current boyfriend. I do believe I will have no problem going topless but this will essentially be a first for me and I can't help but also think that people will be judging my breasts. I know my b/f LOVES them but I think he is just under my love spell. lol.

PDS. We are an incredibly sexual couple. I love, love, love having sex with this man. We have had some amazing adventures as a couple already in our short time together (threesomes, etc). The one thing I have always wanted to do is to have sex in public and be watched by other couples. Up until about an hour ago...I was really looking forward to all of this. Now all of a sudden I am a little nervous about even that. What the heck is going on?

Other Stuff. There is a bunch of other random stuff I'm worried about such as the following... Am I bringing the right clothes. Are they sexy enough? (I'm not bringing super sexy, sheer stuff). Will people like us as a couple and want to engage in conversations with us (I sure hope so). Will there be some ridiculously in shape, beautiful women (and men) there? Will my b/f even like this place? Will I be able to relax and enjoy this much deserved vacation?


So there you have it. I hope it's just all nervous anticipation type stuff and once I get there and relax a bit that this will all go away. I'm sure a few cocktails wouldn't hurt.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to just get it out there and try and deal with it over the next few days. I'm definitely NOT an insecure or worry type person but I think this trip is so different because there are so many unknowns for me that it has me for a loop.

Any insights or comments would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Thanks for reading.

Jennifer

[waab76]

Take a deep breath. This is all totally normal. Everything is going to be fine.

There will be people here fitter than you. There will be people here not nearly as fit as you. There are people younger and older, lighter and darker, more social and less social, way harrier and totally hairless. There will be people that you can't believe are taking it all off and people you can't believe are covering up.

You can't come to this place and spend time worrying about other people. Focus on having a great time with your bf. As long as he likes the clothes you packed (and vice versa, of course) you'll be perfectly dressed.

The joy of Desire is the unspoken social contract that says it doesn't matter what you look like, where you come from, wether you want to fool around or not... Every guest here is your friend because we are all members of the "Awesome and Sexy Enough to Take Such an Awesome and Sexy Vacation" Club.

In a way, being a Desire guest is like climbing Everest. You've got instant respect and camaraderie with everyone else who's done it and we all agree that we dont owe the rest of the world jack squat because they wouldn't understand us anyway.

[WhiteSands]

Well that all sounds pretty normal.
We feel like that because we live in a society that makes us feel "inadequate", however lovely we are. But,( I know we've said this a million times), Desire is a totally different planet! Hell, we do things here we would never have dreamt of doing!Who'd have thought at 51 I'd be partying wearing nothing but a chain dress, haha!! It didn't all happen first trip, but once you get there and realise, well actually nobody is looking at my "thick thighs" , baggy stomach (my personal hang-up), your confidence will soar. You are bound to get lots of compliments (you're very pretty!!).
When everyone's naked you can pretty much guarantee there will always be someone better, and worse looking than you, and it's all good!
As for PDA's, don't make each other promises, go with the flow! It's quite easy to get romantic with each other, discreetly, under the stars, or under a towel! And once in the flow, you might just get a little more adventurous, but if you don't, so what?
And yes, cocktails are good! Even now, umpteen trips in, sometimes I need a shot of tequila (am I really going to wear/ do this??!!)
You are going to have the time of your life......

[CokeMann]

Perfectly normal for newbies - lol

Not trying to trivialize your feelings, but you are definitely over thinking it

Desire is unlike any other place as far as those there being non judgmental.

You will feel more confident and comfortable within minutes of arriving and stripping off your clothes then going to any normal public beach/pool wearing what you consider you most flattering bathing suit.

Unfortunately until you actually experience it you won't believe it and also how empowering it is for most women to have the Desire experience.

Just go and enjoy !!!
- but please do a trip report afterwards to pay it forward to others that join the forums
that may have the same FUDs (Fears, Uncertainties, Doubts)

[Jenyphur]

I am DEFINITELY going to be doing a trip report! I swear I have read EVERY single report on this forum...some of them numerous times.

Thank you all for the responses...I loved this comment: "every guest here is your friend because we are all members of the "Awesome and Sexy Enough to Take Such an Awesome and Sexy Vacation" . I agree!!! We should all get good karma bonus points or something for just being BRAVE enough to think outside of the normal box and book a vacation here for the first time. I am truly proud of myself for allowing myself to experience something that is beyond my comfort zone.

I know I am over thinking all of this but I just need Thursday to get here already!!!! It's time. I am ready. NOW.

I personally want to thank all of you for this forum and for contributing to it. It has definitely been invaluable!

I'll try to post a LIVE report while I am there ...while things are fresh in my mind.

Jennifer

[yoyo]

Yes Jenn, please do so regarding LIVE trip report !! I am also a bit nervous, 20 days for us....

I completly understand your feelings !

you are going to be OK

For me it is my 4Th time to this kind of resort ( 2012 our last time LC, 2005 our first time RM , returned 2006 RM ) and I am feeling somewhat the same as you are....


have Fun !!!

[youme69]

When you get home reread your post, I guarantee you will laugh... There's no other place like Desire, go enjoy and get ready for an experience you won't forget. Can't wait to read your trip report!!
Enjoy.

[mrstommer]

As others have already shared...what you are feeling is so normal! It is so much fun to anticipate, dream, fantasize, and even post those thoughts, hope that you can actualize some of them, and then...you get there... Too, I am turning 50 this fall, and did I EVER think I would feel comfy baring it all at a resort??? No way.... I was the geeky wallflower growing up, the girl with the stringy blonde hair and glasses, too skinny, wore braces, nose in a book... I had two beautiful children, and then worked my tail off to get my body back into shape. Many moons and a new life later, with my fresh marriage to the love I never knew, I did a mini mommy makeover, and like you, did the enhancements. Guess what? Many of us have been there, and done that.

As all have said, Cokeman too, this place will transform you. The people who make it to Desire, it is a special 'club', so to speak. The people we have met are caring, watch out for each other, and respectful. Will a glass of champagne, wine, beer, or your preferred favorite assist in disarming your fears? Of course, and the staff will also alleviate any worries. Do you have to bare all? No. The confidence that will build within you by embracing the experience of Desire is worth the trip. Your inner beauty and heart will show and that is what others will see.

Cheers to facing your fears, and giving them a chance to be broken. Here's to your embracing your inner goddess!

[PK North]

Every guest here is your friend because we are all members of the "Awesome and Sexy Enough to Take Such an Awesome and Sexy Vacation" Club.

In a way, being a Desire guest is like climbing Everest. You've got instant respect and camaraderie with everyone else who's done it and we all agree that we dont owe the rest of the world jack squat because they wouldn't understand us anyway.

Awesome advice. We're arriving the same day as you are, Jen. First timers here and we're trying to approach this much as waab put it. You're (we're) brave enough to give it a try, and deserve a great vacation because of that. Have fun and looking forward to meeting you soon.

[Trifecta]

Jennifer: I had my first C/O resort experience May of this year. I was freaking out the week before. I wasn't sure I would even be able to take off my clothing. Totally not an issue once there. Everyone is naked and there are all types. Most (where I was) were pretty average, at best. there were plenty of scars. Plenty of cellulite. Plenty of hanging skin. No one cared. I posted a long post in another forum about penis size. Mine is normal. I was scared to death that every guy would have a third leg. Sure, a few guys did, but most were like me, and some were smaller. Thats the guy analogy to your tummy and boob concerns. And if you are worried that your BF will suddenly "realize" that you aren't as perfect as the next woman and maybe he should trade you in for a better model? Doubtful. Just like you wouldn't do that to him if a guy with a better body or bigger dick walked by, he would never do that to you. He loves you for way more than just your tummy or your boobs.

We had the sexiest, most erotic vacation. We had sex three and four times a day. We had sex in public. (I can't believe I was able to perform, but once you are comfortable with your body - about ten minutes after you take it all off- nothing else matters) and we saw lots of public sex. Some of the people having sex were not terribly attractive to us and we didn't watch. Others were super hot and we watched. But everyone was having fun. We are trying out DP in Jan and we hope its as much fun as the last place we went to.

Have a blast. Don't over think it. and PLEASE post a trip report. I can't wait to read it.

[winederful2]

Somebody said to reread this post after your trip....so true! We went for our first time last Sept.. I remember being so nervous getting off the plane...the good news...there is a bar right outside the airport and you can bring a drink in the car to the resort! That helped, but as we got out of the car what really helped was the welcoming ease of the staff that checked us in. They've totally seen this wide eyed slightly panic "what the hell did we do?" look many times and they put us at ease very quickly....we actually asked if someone would take us on a tour of the resort when we checked in. This was hilarious...they showed us the lobby, Pearl, disco, and then walked us down to the pool (I remember being scared to look around....a woman walked up to us and just said, "Honey, you're over dressed". The whole pool laughed and it broke the ice for us. It's the people that make this such a special vacation. Lifestyle or not, Naked or not...everyone is putting something out there and these people pretty much embrace it all.
Please do not worry about your body....mental energy you do not need to waste. It is what it is...I've had twins and no mommy makeover...but after reading these posts...I just told my husband I want one! ha! Oh well...it is what it is...this year!
Have a fabulous beautiful sensual time! Can't wait to read your trip report........3 weeks to go for us!

[Jenyphur]

You guys really are the best. Seriously!!! All of you have had fantastic advice. Come to think of it...I have not read ONE report on here or anywhere else where a person regretted going or felt 'out of place' or insecure. Ok, is this a secret cult or something? If so...I'm loving it so far. I do like the analogy of this being a secret club and yes, we all deserve to be in it just for showing up!!!

My b/f admitted to me he's a little worried about his penis size yesterday but you are so right....for me...he is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT and I wouldn't change a thing. The fact that he admitted this to me made me feel a LOT better.

Thanks again everyone for the comments and well wishes. Look forward to my trip report! I promise to give you guys all the fun details.

And PK North..hope to meet you guys. Please don't be shy and come say hi..you know what I look like ------------------------------------>>>>>>


Jen

[desireaddict]

I'm only sorry we won't be there with you so we can all laugh about how worried you were over nothin'!!
You may not believe what you're being told now.............but you will in 3 days and 15 minutes.
My wife was scared shitless on our first trip (Hedo vs Desire, but same concerns) -- in fact, I guess we both were.
A few hours later she's organizing the nekkid waterslide runs and asking me [with big evil smile] "How soon can we come back here?"

Life is good!
DA

[CokeMann]

Ok, is this a secret cult or something? If so...I'm loving it so far. I do like the analogy of this being a secret club and yes, we all deserve to be in it just for showing up!!!

HEY !!!! you where not supposed to know that until AFTER you got there

[Mrladysman]

Also first time there, my hub penis is not the biggest but its just fine and my body is not as good as it was when I was 25 but who cares we just hope to meet beauitful people there and have a fun time so relax lets all have a drink together I took some costumes for me and hub hope he wears them to theme nights see every one there in a few days