Desire Resort Forums

The only time we can go to DP is Jan. We are not in the lifestyle, and that is the first 5 days of international swingers month....Can someone comment if we should postpone our trip until another time when it won't be so swinger heavy? We love being naked, We love public sex (watching and displaying) and we might consider a private in-room PDP with a special couple, but swinging is not for us. I am concerned that if we are there at that time it will be assumed we are in the lifestyle and we will spend too much time saying "no thanks".

Thanks in advance for the advice.

-Trifecta

I think you'll find that it will just liven up the place a little more than is usual.
We have regular travel buddys who are going that same week (without us this trip sadly), also not in the Lifestyle, but theyre looking forward to the "entertainment".

Life is good.
DA

FYI - the Desire January ISM is really just another promotion to help fill the place up in what is a traditionally "slow" month for the resorts.

Last year it didn't really even make a blip on travel plans for those that are hard core lifestylers
People travel when they can and when they can depends on a lots of things more that a resort promo
ie - kids schedules, work schedules, vacation schedules, etc

We were at Desire RM this past Jan. during the second week and observed basically a normal week at the resort. We did see the big round bed by the pool being used a few times for sex which is usually not allowed. Even the staff commented that they were expecting it to be a little crazier. Not sure how it was the rest of the month.

We are swingers and went last Jan to Pearl for ISM. It was a lot of fun but Pearl and its guests are always classy. We had met a lot of people and attended the special events they had but they were low key and a lot of fun. That's actually why we are going back this Jan too. It was funny because we told one couple we were there for ISM and they were freaked out because they booked before knowing it was. We were the first "swingers" they ever met and told us we seemed so normal. Some people asked us questions but others told us it seemed like a normal time at the resort with a few relaxed rules. Either way we as a group are collectively laid back fun people and don't impose our lifestyle on others. Those of us that go for ISM understand we are there as guests and we don't take over the resort. Hopefully you have a chance to attend whatever events they have planned because even our new non swinger friends had fun at them.

Absolutly there is nothing to be concern of, contrary you will enjoy the relaxed rules, a little bit diferent story if it happen to be a take over week by a lifestyle group (ex. SDC), and even then those that are in the lifestyle easily identify couples that are not, so they dont even aproach you in the first time, we just came back from our first trip in a place like this and had the greatest sexiest time in our 11 years marriage, we are not in the lifestyle as well but have met nothing but excelent lifestyle couples, we are now planning our 2nd visit
So don't miss this opportunity!

I guess I should update this thread since folks have been responding to it still: We are booked and going in Jan. We got plenty of feedback that it won't make a difference at all other than maybe seeing some more public swapping than usual....Can't say thats a bad thing...I'm as up for watching a mini-orgy by the jacuzzi as the next guy!

Thanks for the responses.

Tri

We are also not swingers and just found this post after having the same question. We visited Pearl in May this year, and it was the best time of our lives. We met some really great people, swingers and otherwise. When we learned that January was going to be International Swingers Month, my wife became concerned that our presence might be socially inappropriate or unwelcome. This thread has been very reassuring.

We made our first trip to Desire as non-swingers and soon learned they are some of the best couples you will meet. We felt very comfortable and not pressured to do anything we did not want to do. Fast forward several years to present and while we are not what one might term full time swingers, we do enjoy the company of other selected couples for fun and have met a lot of amazing couples along the way.

You should go and not worry about being "accepted" or not. The only time we see complications is when a couple pretends they are in the lifestyle, leads a couple on like it will lead to some play date, and then comes clean that they don't play. Just be up front and honest and you will have a great time.

We are also going in January and are not lifestylers...whatever that means. Everyone has a different definition. Some of our friends that know we like c/o resorts think we are crazy. You will find that people in the lifestyle are some of the funniest, happiest, most easy going and genuine people you will ever meet. Although we don't participate, we have a great time. we've never been pressured and we don't lead anyone on. I will tell you that after a visit or two, you will notice that lifestyle couples seem much happier than some vanilla couples we know. It's an observation my wife and I have made and it does make you begin to question if there's something to it? So on our next trip, we are much better prepared and open minded with defined boundaries and a lot of conversation under our belts on all subjects related to Pearl and the lifestyle. Go have fun. It's like spring break for adults with freedom like you've never known and you always determine what you want it to be.

New-to-co wrote:I will tell you that after a visit or two, you will notice that lifestyle couples seem much happier than some vanilla couples we know. It's an observation my wife and I have made and it does make you begin to question if there's something to it?

I think you're right that swingers are happier in their relationships and in general...but as much fun as we all have, I doubt it's cause and effect. Only the most solid couples (before swinging) make good swingers. It takes trust and excellent communication to navigate these waters. We've seen a bunch of couples with trust issues (previous infidelity, or just uncontrolled jealousy/possessiveness) try and fail to "join the club"...at least for long.

My wife and I have a good deal of before/after to compare since we started swinging about 12 years into our relationship (5 years ago). Sure, we're a bit closer with this "fun" as tangible proof of our love of adventure and total trust in our relationship. ("Hey we can do this! We're pretty awesome! :-) ) But, I wouldn't say we're all that much happier due to swinging. We felt super lucky to be with each other already and this is just a bit more adventure.

Being more sexually adventurous also makes life a bit better, for sure.

Great points Sonoma. thanks for the reply.

sonomapair wrote:

New-to-co wrote:I will tell you that after a visit or two, you will notice that lifestyle couples seem much happier than some vanilla couples we know. It's an observation my wife and I have made and it does make you begin to question if there's something to it?

I think you're right that swingers are happier in their relationships and in general...but as much fun as we all have, I doubt it's cause and effect. Only the most solid couples (before swinging) make good swingers. It takes trust and excellent communication to navigate these waters. We've seen a bunch of couples with trust issues (previous infidelity, or just uncontrolled jealousy/possessiveness) try and fail to "join the club"...at least for long.

My wife and I have a good deal of before/after to compare since we started swinging about 12 years into our relationship (5 years ago). Sure, we're a bit closer with this "fun" as tangible proof of our love of adventure and total trust in our relationship. ("Hey we can do this! We're pretty awesome! :-) ) But, I wouldn't say we're all that much happier due to swinging. We felt super lucky to be with each other already and this is just a bit more adventure.

Being more sexually adventurous also makes life a bit better, for sure.

My husband and I have been married for 25 years/together for 27 and have been swinging the last 5 years. I do think that swingers are "generally" happier than no swinging couples for a few reasons:

1. As swingers, you communicate more about sex, feelings, and desires than non swingers (at least in our personal experience)
2. You are able to freely talk about fantasies
3. You are able to look and point out others that you find attractive (everyone looks at other attractive people, but have to hid it and lie about it to their s/o if they aren't in the ls)

So for us, yes we are happier and closer now than before we were in the ls because of these things. While walking through a grocery store, I love it that I can look at my husband after looking at another woman or man and just say yes or no and he is okay with that and there is no judgment or arguments because I looked at someone else.

We were at Pearl last week. There were no notable differences in activities for "International Swingers Month". And although unicorns/threesomes were allowed, we only saw one threesome during our time there. In fact, we estimated that the ratio of lifestyle/non-lifestyle people that we have met over the years at Pearl was around 50/50, but last week far less than half of the people we met were in the lifestyle. Most just came down to escape cold weather and swim naked.

We just returned yesterday and did not notice a larger than average number of lifestylers. We had a great time. We aren't lifestyle, but added a few sprinkles to our vanilla.