DP making you closer, thoughts?

[22truckie]

Since making our reservations almost a year ago to stay at DP we have seen a definite change in ourselves. When we first started thinking about it, as is probably the case with all first timers, we were nervous but excited at the same time. I don't know which one of us found out about this forum but it has really gone a long way to making us feel much more at ease/excited (Huge thank you to the Cokemann!) about the trip. Going clothing optional and all it encompases was a huge unknown jump for us. This is what we have found out: Discussing the different form post has made us talk about situations that we have not really talked about before in depth (We have an incredible love life, and we communicate very well but some of the topics have never been broached before and have been kept as fantasies. Mainly with other people; either watching them, them watching us, some touching, something more?) Now we openly talk about this and how far to go with others, what she is comfortable with me doing, what am I good with her doing and us as a couple what we are comfortable with, setting boundaries. This has made us stronger as a couple. The talk, the anticipation has really bonded us closer (we just talked about this the other night), in fact we had the most intense, passionate sex we have every had that day (and that was not easy to do). Being really open here but that is what DP has done for us and we have not even arrived yet. We have told some of our friends about our trip and they were either shocked or say there was no way they could do that. We never thought this trip would have this kind of effect on us and in such a positive way. A lot of us have become stagnant these days, staying in our safe, comfort zones never pushing the boundaries, whether it is trying new foods, trying something that makes you nervous/afraid, or something that sparks your love life. The unknown has eluded us. Communication is the key in pushing ones boundaries, and this form has really helped ours be even better than it was before. We are sooo looking forward to the fun, going with the flow,meeting fun, non judgemental people and exploring new boundaries ! Your thoughts on how it changed you? Cheers all

[TandD]

I would agree with you on many aspects. Coming here and having the (admittedly tame compared to others) experiences we've had has enabled us to talk about things that would have been tougher before - like any kind of interaction with others - either physically or just visually. We can joke about swapping or whatever and it's just fun and not some scary topic that we have to walk on egg shells to get into for fear of offending the other or exposing some hidden fantasy or desire.

We've even been having some discussions about going to swinger clubs. Not to join the lifestyle per se but to try and recreate some of the vibe that we get at Desire. Point being, we would never have had those kinds of discussions before. Before, if I would have broached going to a swinger club, my wife would have looked at me like I was crazy - had it not been for Desire and seeing that this kind of stuff isn't deviant, it's just fun. So yeah, it's been good in that respect.

On the other hand, there is a bit of a dark side. It's not related to "closeness" necessarily but the Desire experience in general.

The problem is, it's very hard to reproduce that kind of atmosphere "in real life". I think like lots of people (generalizing here), as we get older our sex drive starts to taper. We are still madly in love and have epic sex but it's less frequent and not the testosterone-fueled monster that it was. We end up doing "date nights" and trips to Desire to give us a kick in the ass to get to it. It's kind of a stretch but it feels a bit like having a coke addition (I imagine). We experienced the drug that is Desire, and now regular doses of sex can't compete. For us, this translates into needing even more of the special-ness of date nights and returns to Desire. It's kind of like "well, the (insert specific sex-related activity here) trip is coming up so let's just go to sleep". Obviously, we don't actually *say* that, and we still have at-home sex but it's a subtle change that we have seen. It's hard to quantify this change and separate it from what it would have been like had we not gone to Desire so maybe it's all in my head - who knows. It's just something that I think about and I wonder if others have felt this.

It's a good topic. Thanks for starting it.

[22truckie]

RandD,
Thanks for the reply, hope that is the beginning of many more as I think it would be interesting to here what others think about this. I was not expecting the second part of your reply and made me think, a lot. I can see how that could definitely happen. Seeing how we have yet to experience what all DP has to offer it would be totally ridiculous for me to make a comment on what you have said with any kind of knowledge and I very much appreciate your openness about it (One of the things we like about DP, nothing to hide). I can only say what I hope as to how we will be after the trip(s) to DP. Sex to us is much more than just the physical act. We really connect and find new ways to keeping it fresh and take our time doing it. We look at DP as a new way of spicing it up and exploring new things and hopefully taking that experience home to keep the drive strong. Hopefully we will be able to keep the DP experience as an anticipated spike in arousal that keeps our minds spinning and our passion stronger until the next trip We (at least I, my wife is 9 years younger) are not 20 year olds anymore but so far we have been able to keep it a prime part of our lives but we will definitely keep your words in mind as at some point we all have the drive loose some octane . I just hope ours stays high for a long time yet. Again, thanks RandD, Anyone else???

[danbo]

Once again, T and D has nailed it. The drug that is Desire will help a relationship, but it seems that the best results require regular doses of Desire.

[etxcouple]

I do think that the Desire experience can strengthen a relationship. I can only speak from our experience, but it made us even better communicators and removed the fear of judgement or anger when talking about those hidden fantasies or desires. Our first trip was really a step into the unknown, we were excited for it, but didn't know exactly what the "experience" would be. I think that helped us discuss our comfort level with possible situations and set the boundaries we are comfortable with for our relationship. This trip last month, now knowing what to expect, it was a lot more excitement and absolutely zero fear/nervousness. We were discussing all the time what we wanted to do or try this time. TandD is spot on, it definitely can feel like a drug. We are always trying to figure out the next trip (shooting for 2016 sometime!). Maybe part of the addiction is at Desire you can live those inner fantasies without fear of judgement and you are amongst like minded people? I believe the trips have increased the quality of our sex and really promoted the connection during it. Last month Pearl had a sex educator there who did a class, Triambika, and she taught us some new moves and ways to really connect (awesome class and amazing desire experience).

[22truckie]

etxcouple,
I think you are spot on with what you said, again not having been there yet we can not make judgements on post DP (will soon) but think what you said is right on. Nicely done! Fear of the unknown can be a very powerful "drug" that gets the blood moving, mind working, stimulating the body. I see/feel it all the time at my job. Combine that with excited anticipation for fulfilling ones fantasies and a very powerful drug you have. I was not anticipating this post going this way, which is very cool! Anyone else??

[22truckie]

Ooops, just realized that I stated RandD in my reply to you instead of TandD, SORRY!!!, Damn it, need reading glasses

[sandybeachkim]

In our experience, while the location might be the helpful "drug" that satisfies and enhances, it is really the people that you meet that make lifestyle experiences great and the lingering "after glow" transcends to wonderful sex and memories long after the experience.

For us, it is all about connections with a couple. While some have been great at first, the feeling and excitement wears off. In the case of others, whow ... each time, more excitement, trust and exploration really makes the difference. Adding a lifestyle couple and blending that with some vanilla activities each person might have in common puts it over the top!!

The closeness that develops between a couple is when communications stay open and non-judgemental ... Nice in theory, harder in real life.

We practice a something every month ... some "us time" and a date out without the kids. In a relationship, it is important to re-discover what brought you together in the first place and that can happen at a nice restaurant, your backyard and no doubt Desire ... Just give yourselves some quiet times together. Difficult to do in this fast paced life ... but essentially to make it over the long haul ... All the best and we are certainly looking forward to the "Desire" experience and some "Us time" together ... Well some us and "you all" time together too lol ... Take care all, enjoyed the posts in this string. The Sandys