Non-Lifestyle, but wanting to start...

[New&Open]

Hello All!

We're new to the forum, and just booked our first trip to Desire. We learned about DP through the "We Gotta Thing" podcast, and have done some of our own research. We visited an on-premise club years ago, but have never played. We are, however, looking to start. So, what's your best advice? How do a couple of newbies in their 40s start down that path, using a trip to DP as a starting point?

Thanks for your feedback!

[TandD]

Go with no expectations but have an open mind.

Let things happen naturally - but with maybe a nudge here and there to get things moving. Don't pressure yourselves or anyone else. Relax.

[Explorer79]

Great advice. You're already listening to We Gotta Thing, lots of good stuff there. Some things come to mind such as the difference between rules and boundaries were good. Be on the same page, communicate so as to avoid misunderstandings. Also be sure to accept that mistakes and misunderstandings can and will happen, your relationship must be strong enough to withstand a mistake. If it's not 100% about your experience together then I'd say don't do it but that's just me.

Another thing we've been told and has turned out to be true - fantasizing, talking specifics etc... is good, but however you imagining it being will not be how it actually ends up playing out - this goes to the advice of not having concrete expectations. I wouldn't say have no expectations because if you go that route and sit back, likely nothing will happen. You do have to be proactive, you have to put yourself out there. Just don't necessarily expect results. One thing we've discovered and took a while to figure out is that people in the lifestyle are very good at reading you - especially if you are new. This finally dawned on us when we were socializing with a couple and later said to each other "They are so where we were 6 months ago", so it was nice to be able to pay it back so to speak, to give them advice etc...

Also, especially at Desire people generally are extremely respectful of your relationship. The one thing that is near universal is that they want to avoid drama at all costs. Statistically speaking with new couples comes more chance of drama, so you might not get the attention you hoped for based on that alone. No big deal, roll with it, if you meet someone you click with, then great. Remember a 4 way connection is actually a pretty difficult thing. All that being said Desire is a great place for this and things can just magically happen before you know it.

Of course this is all abstract too, in the end there is no universal right or wrong way you have to find your own path, but learning from the advice and mistakes of others is a great way to shortcut this (worked great for us).

Some people suggest going to a local club before Desire, which I can see, but for us we wanted our first taste of all this to be at Desire. This was perfect for us and made our 1st Desire trip even more magical but for others this could be the total wrong approach. In the end only you can know what's right for you.

[Hotswings]

We always tell people to order "The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers" by Terry Gould off of Amazon and read it together. It will explain the biological, emotional and social reasons the Lifestyle exists and how it works.

[New&Open]

Thanks for the great suggestions! Looking forward to the trip.