Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

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Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby perfectdiamond » Sun Nov 26, 2017 2:40 am

Hi folks - my wife Mrs. Diamond and I are newbies who decided to come to Desire Pearl next summer to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We feel like we have a strong, intimate bond built on passion, sensuality, and respect. We are not in The Lifestyle and have never stayed at a place like Desire before. We do have a strong and passionate, monogamous sex life, and are looking to build on that.

We've been really touched by all the positivity about relationships, respect for boundaries, and the "no judgment" and "no means no" perspectives we've read throughout this forum. We're looking forward to experiencing that firsthand and meeting some great people of multiple perspectives in a beautiful place. To be frank, we are also both really titillated by the whole thing - we are MONTHS away and can barely keep our hands, lips, tongues, etc. off each other. As many of you have attested, the very idea of going to Desire has opened up conversations and a level of honesty that we didn't realize we were missing - and we're just scratching the surface here.

With all of that, we have some questions for this forum and would appreciate hearing some specific accounts from people who are or were in a similar place as we are. We feel like we have a strong partnership and are communicating well. There are some things that are both, frankly, scary to us and also, if we are being honest, very exciting. Here are some of our questions for other couples (either one or both of you):

"Deep Thoughts" questions:

1. Did you ever feel like things quickly got away from you or got past an agreed-upon boundary? I could see this happening to us in the hot tub or in some of the (really fun-sounding) competitive activities (like the Human Sundae).

2. Did you ever wake up in the morning with regret? We can imagine the lines blurring with alcohol, hot costumes and beautiful people, etc. If you don't mind sharing, what did you regret and how did you talk it through?

3. How did you handle it if one of your "boundaries" changed upon actually being at the resort? Either if you realized you didn't want something you initially expected to like, or if on reflection you really wanted to cross a boundary that you had both agreed was not going to happen?

4. How did you prevent crossing an agreed upon boundary (without looking like a stick in the mud) when there are opportunities abounding?

Questions about the resort:

5. Do you recommend taking a trip to the other resort for an evening (in this case RM) to check it out? The agency says that's doable for a $150 fee. Worth it?

6. We'd love to PM with someone who's got experience with the in-room strippers (female, male, and couple) - we'd like to understand more details to know what we're getting into there.

7. Would love to hear experiences with the gazebo dinner - very interested in this if it's the new version of the Terrace of Passion.

Thanks in advance for your time and responses! Please feel free to reply here or PM if more detailed.

Best,

Mr. and Mrs. Diamond
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby STL-MO-CPL » Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:38 pm

Here's what I recommend. We took 3 trips to Hedonism II and Desire Pearl between 2011 and 2016 without ever even dabbling in the lifestyle. We just had a great sexy time by ourselves in a supercharged atmosphere. We soaked it all in while keeping our hands to ourselves. On your very first trip, just go with that attitude. You're going to go on a tropical vacation to a beautiful resort and have the time of your lives in a very sexy atmosphere. Manage your alcohol intake and you should have no problem staying within your boundaries. Worry about spreading your wings on the next trip. Just devote your first trip to seeing how it all works and assessing your comfort level once you're actually there. It's nearly impossible to judge how you'd feel in a hypothetical situation until after you've already seen it with your own eyes and gotten a sense of the whole thing. Hope that helps. Believe me, there's going to be nerves ahead of a trip like this if you've never done the clothing optional thing before. That will all melt away after your first 10 minutes in the pool hanging out with your new best friends.
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby jkroha » Mon Nov 27, 2017 9:24 am

"Deep Thoughts" questions:

1. Did you ever feel like things quickly got away from you or got past an agreed-upon boundary? I could see this happening to us in the hot tub or in some of the (really fun-sounding) competitive activities (like the Human Sundae). This did happen to us (not at Desire but at a hot tub with a couple), we gave each other signals that it was OK. this was for a minor boundary to us, (kissing on mouth). To your point below, we decided to cross a larger boundary once in the middle of it, but called a time out (see #4) by basically saying we needed a momentary break, having a quick talk, sober... that is important, and deciding to shift the line...

2. Did you ever wake up in the morning with regret? We can imagine the lines blurring with alcohol, hot costumes and beautiful people, etc. If you don't mind sharing, what did you regret and how did you talk it through? Not regret for us but concerns.... did our partner like it better then us, why did they get so loud when they don't with us all the time, why did they seem to like "X" when they don't normally.... and talked it out. Most of those answers if interested were the excitement of the moment and play acting/pleasing, aka still not their favorite sexual act but knew their partner was enjoying it, when married you have to be more honest with those, for one night you just let the person enjoy...

3. How did you handle it if one of your "boundaries" changed upon actually being at the resort? Either if you realized you didn't want something you initially expected to like, or if on reflection you really wanted to cross a boundary that you had both agreed was not going to happen? As we said we shifted it after a quick talk and gut check, SOBER. And we stepped back for a second, to calm down get out of the mind buzz.

4. How did you prevent crossing an agreed upon boundary (without looking like a stick in the mud) when there are opportunities abounding? It is hard to be adult and talk about it, but we just do. Now we talk earlier, because it seems easier then in the middle of action. And always do it politely, make sure they know it is not them or personal, people understand boundaries, from "don't touch me at all" to "that single thing is our of bounds.... we all have them.

Questions about the resort:

5. Do you recommend taking a trip to the other resort for an evening (in this case RM) to check it out? The agency says that's doable for a $150 fee. Worth it? First trip to Pearl, so cannot help you here.

6. We'd love to PM with someone who's got experience with the in-room strippers (female, male, and couple) - we'd like to understand more details to know what we're getting into there. Sorry never did that, but honestly you can probably ask random people to strip for you if you wish :)

7. Would love to hear experiences with the gazebo dinner - very interested in this if it's the new version of the Terrace of Passion. Again cannot help on this, the nice restaurant is pretty romantic I hear if not.

Thanks in advance for your time and responses! Please feel free to reply here or PM if more detailed.

Best,

Mr. and Mrs. Diamond[/quote]
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby perfectdiamond » Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:03 am

Jkroha and Couple from The Lou - thanks very much for the time and thoughtful replies!

Best,

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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby funcouple318 » Mon Nov 27, 2017 12:58 pm

we just got back yesterday from our first trip ever. As you, we have never done anything or been to anything close to this and we are not a lifestyle couple. We met so many wonderful people, both in the lifestyle and not. Everyone of the lifestyle couples we met asked if we were and when told no respected that boundry. Most we still became friends with and have exchanged numbers. We were really scared to death and actually argued several times before coming but once there, that was gone in a flash. I can honestly say it was a joy meeting such great people (lifestyle and not) with no pretension at all. Look forward to seeing all of them again. I am not sure what yalls situation is as far as respecting each others boundaries and what if those change but I will relate our situation and hope it helps. I have done some swinging but not my wife. I would enjoy but she doesn't want to. So in our case, it was (and is) up to her totally. In our case, we befriended a beautiful couple who had the same situation. There was mutual attraction, they were great people to be around, and I guess you could say we went to second base before the girls pulled the plug which was totally fine. I led to so great sex for us and a pushed boundary. I will suggest taking the tantric workshop with Richard and Lauren though, it really opened up our sex life and was a wonderful experience. I enjoyed the male worship class but the female worship class was unbelievable and they are such beautiful people all the way around. Anyway, hope some of this helps to ease your mind, I know we were scared to death to start but like I said, that goes away in a matter of minutes. Have a great time and who knows we may see you there.
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby perfectdiamond » Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:24 pm

Thanks, FC! We appreciate your openness - super helpful perspective!

Best,

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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby swgap » Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:47 pm

Try listening to some lifestyle podcasts on these subjects. Lots of info and stories about these areas of concern. "We Gotta A Thing" and "Curious Couple" are ones we like, and they both go to Desire properties often. I'm sure there are other good ones as well out there.
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby STL-MO-CPL » Mon Nov 27, 2017 4:43 pm

swgap wrote:Try listening to some lifestyle podcasts on these subjects. Lots of info and stories about these areas of concern. "We Gotta A Thing" and "Curious Couple" are ones we like, and they both go to Desire properties often. I'm sure there are other good ones as well out there.


Couldn't agree more. There are some excellent podcasts out there. I've listened to approximately 25 different shows. Some have come and gone and no longer produce new content. The ones listed above are great. I'd add Swinger Diaries, Real Talk Between the Sheets, That Couple Next Door, Aussie Swingers, Swinging Downunder, and Average Swingers among others that still regularly produce new episodes. Each of these have fairly active Twitter accounts where you can follow whatever cool adventures they are having. It's fun to live vicariously through these couples.
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby Dani'stoy » Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:16 pm

If you haven't read them read the newbie trip reports. I wrote one (DP) October 16 -22 and my wife wrote the rebuttal so you get a "what he thought/what she thought perspective. We were just like you. First time..wife had never even been skinny dipping...It was easy for us to not cross any boundaries. My wife is gorgeous and she was politely hit on by men and women but when I say polite I mean..POLITE! All you need do is say no thank you..(but if I was you'd be at the top of the list -big smile). We pushed our boundaries a bit having public sex in the playroom (which was amazing!) and doing it in the jacuzzi on sneaking away late at night to make love on the beach. We each got groped a time or two on the dance floor and she had her naked ass slapped a few times by friends....that's as crazy as we got. This was the best vacation we have ever been on as a couple. We did meet great people and we are already booked to go back in late Feb/March with two other couples we met there. You're in for a great time! In fact. they're running a great sale now..I'd book your second trip now you won't be sorry!
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby perfectdiamond » Tue Nov 28, 2017 3:53 pm

:L

Thanks again all for the thoughtful words - MUCH appreciated! We can’t wait!

Best,

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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby Desire2424 » Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:40 pm

Hey Diamonds,

We were in a very similar situation last year before our first trip to Pearl. Nude beach resort vacations and strip clubs were the most adventurous things we’d done until Desire. The build up excitement of the trip, buying her sexy dresses and bikinis all added to the fun before the actual trip too. We were not involved in the Lifestyle and discussed what our expectations were before the trip and none included swapping at all. The “maybe” of girl/girl fun and the opportunity of voyeurism/exhibitionism was where we set our limits. We met the coolest, friendliest people with all different experience levels and they were ALL understanding and respectful of our limits. There was no playing with any other couples or females but we were so turned on by the sexy atmosphere that we had the BEST TRIP EVER and just planned our second for this March. We joined a couple of LS sites when we got home from the first trip and have gone to a few local LS events and parties but NOTHING compares to actually being at Pearl. We still have the same limits as our first trip but we discussed that going back is not for the purpose of changing those limits but maybe to see if pushing them further is even worth it for us. The one thing for sure is that we will have another incredibly sexy time together and if things turned out EXACTLY the same as our last trip we are both thrilled with that prospect. If the “stars are aligned” and we go further then that’s great too! Just enjoy the resort and the people and most of all each other.
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Re: Serious Questions from 2 Newbies :)

Postby perfectdiamond » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:14 pm

:L :L :L

Thank you!! :)

Best,

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