Complete Report July 11-18. J&J2015 (Jwoman's version)

[J&J2015]

I posted this on trip advisor, however left out naughty details & profanity. Here goes...

There is so much I could detail about our 7 night stay at Desire Pearl...I don't know where to start. This was THEE BEST vacation I have ever had with the love of my life and best friend husband (aka: El Capitan) of 2.5y. 1x at a naturalist place. 1st time at a C/O resort like Desire. We have been thru quite a bit with our prior 10 year marriage and have had a pretty stressful 2 years however glued us together. It came between a "retreat" involving Yoga & Therapy or going to Desire. So glad we made the right choice.

We just got home last night and our minds and hearts are there so now is a good time to spill the proverbial beans.

First thing, if you haven't booked yet...consider these absolutes....
#1 absolute: If you don't like being naked or being around amazingly shaped, averagely shaped, out of shape or obese and sagging breasted or implanted nakie people whom are openly engaging in things most save for the bedroom, DO NOT GO.

#2 absolute: If you are looking for solitude and only talking and doing things with your partner the entire time, DO NOT GO. Go to Hawaii and stay at the Hyatt or some B&B.

#3 absolute: If you don't like to drink, eat, nap, have $ex, dance, DO NOT GO. You probably are lame, single so you can't go anyway.

#4 absolute: If you aren't good with personal boundaries, being transparent and confident with who you are and how far you are willing to go, DO NOT GO. Get some therapy.

#5 absolute: If you don't do shots, DO NOT GO.

Our Review:
We have NO major complaints about our entire experience as non-swinging/swaying in shape 41y olds. NONE. We are travel, food and drink snobs and expect to get what we pay for. Desire did not disappoint. And we didn't disappoint ourselves either with what we did (Right Jman?). We easily drank and ate well above what we paid for our room each day. Had we stayed in a non-inclusive resort, we would have broke the bank. We estimated drinking and eating $400 a day between us.

Before our arrival, we had a unique social experience gone right. We connected with 3 other couples from 3 different states with similar desires (young children, fitness, not swingers, used the F word when happy) via THESE FORUMS & the yahoo group for our month of July 2015. We went from G rated chats to pure vulgarity and lots of naked images of us as couples and anything to spur a laugh (thanks to google images). So it was J&J, CC & Bourne, A&D & L&AH. You can read an excellent start to a life report from A&DR: viewtopic.php?f=19&t=6037 (you will see a lot of our activities referenced here.

I RECOMMEND HIGHLY that you jump into forums here and yahoo group of anything to get your feet wet and make some connections. Our 4 couples all overlapped many days. We credit that early connection -- where we got to know each other, prepared and shared for 6 weeks -- for over half of our awesome experiences. The bond was there and it allowed us to find other connections faster with other like-minded couples on Day 1. At one point, we were having dinner and circling up in the pool and jacuzzi in groups of 14. So fun! If you don't have luck with pre-trip connections, do not fret. People are so darn friendly, heads are up when people walk past and everyone says hello, looks you in the EYE (even naked) and always asks where you are from and what your experiences are with all things naked. The conversations starters are a blast.

Here are some things we experienced sober and loaded that enhanced our experience: The Pre Disco band, The shows in the Disco, Dancing in the Disco, Trying to Pole Dance, Sin Room, 7 nights of themes, Volleyball (pool and beach), Zumba, Beer Pong, Monkey S-shots, $ex acts in public and sunlight with an audience (gasp! That's a first) Body Shots (many), The Jacuzzi, The Jacuzzi beds, Habanero Margaritas (my fave), Couples massage (not erotic), The Master Suite on bottom floor, 4hr group Catamaran (Wow), snorkeling, Jumping off pier. All 3 restaurants. The Buffet 2x a day. THE AMAZING GYM. The Chlorophyl water. Late night Pizza and Soft Tacos. Our Butler. The Quiet side of the pool. The Loud Side. I painted a shlong or two with body paint. And I lubed a few cocks with coconut oil. And touched a lot of tits. My favorite was teasing all the swingers having two of my hottie friends siting in my lap at the pool. The 4 girls garnered a lot of attention because were were very touchy-feely. We also did Body Shot Assists for every couple in our group. All very new for me. I loved look at all the tits as much as the penis (and balls). The anatomy is so diverse. You will have so many firsts here!

Faves....
#1 FOAM pool party. Either arrive on Saturday or leave the hotel that evening. Do not miss Saturday day or night!

#2 my husband and I going up on stage with the stripers during Glam night...and my husband stripping down to his undies. Getting dry humped on stage with my cooch hanging out.

#3 the disco dance floor transforming some nights to all naked!

#4 the buffet for Breaky and Lunch and late night pizza and tacos.

#5 Habanero Margaritas

#6 Naughty Jacuzzi antics - one of which was kneeling down in the center of the jacuzzi, giving my husband a blow job while a full jacuzzi watched (to earn some points for our game we were inspired to make up when we arrived).

#7 being called Mr and Mrs XYZ and nick names based on our hats and feeling like a celebrity.

#8 Lobster dinner (part of a lovers package up grade)

One thing stunk...ok maybe two...The sushi at Sake. The Seaweed on the beach and in the water. Since we live coastal and found patches to swim and snorkel, we were ok with that. We are sushi people from CA, so we know and eat good sushi often. Sake (restaurant) did NOT represent sushi.

I also came to understand what swingers are. Just like couples that don't swing, there are varying degrees of class. Some swingers can be seen hanging and "doing" different people regardless of connection and querying anyone they can with "Are you in the lifestyle?" (even saw a vagina tasting before a couple ran off with another spouse). Some swingers are looking for a special connection they may never find their entire trip and they are perfectly happy enjoying their trip w/out finding another couple to swap with. WE ASKED A LOT OF QUESTIONS and the lifestylers were all to eager to explain. Either way, we found a nice balance of all kinds of "couples" and didn't feel pressure or put off by anything happening around us. We were flattered to be asked if we are "in the life style" and didn't get any flack when we said NO. In fact, that usually made them more curious about us.

I've never watched a p0rn but it's safe to say, I've witnessed it live for 7 days but certainly could have avoided it if I stayed away from certain areas at certain times. I enjoyed the experience and looked away when it didn't take me to my happy place. (Yes, the double vibrating dild0 toting cowboy center stage at the jacuzzi in day light and the gramma who took off her moo moo to give her husband a very enthusiastic blow job, I'm talking to you). And these nuances of the "where and when and what" you learn very quickly when you start talking to other couples and open your eyes. The learning curve comes quick unlike the drunk people f**king, slamming and fingering in the 4 corners of Desire.

To focus again on the hotel itself: They have their entire hotel wired for fun, their staff trained to facilitate that fun and commitment to excellent service and it's down to a science and done with as much class as I would expect. The hotel is on-point.

Major kudos to the hardworking front desk (Stefani) bartenders (Pablo), room cleaners, maintenance, wait staff (Daniel & Ivan), butlers (Hector & Gerry) and 20 and 30 something's from Mexico, Spain etc that are running around getting every event and party started and going from sun up to sun up. Kia, Nessy, Marcos, Eli...and the other sweet ladies (forgot names) are working their sober hot asses off with a smile with no days off, so you can have a good time. I give them 5 stars and credit them for many laughs, smiles and pure joy we experienced at Desire. We fell in love with these genuine hard working people. **Bring lots of $1 bills. We tipped at every meal ($2-3). Major fine dining meals ($20 for a couple), bartenders ($5 a day in various areas), maids ($3-5). Butler and special event people that we connected with ($40 total when we left). Our Butler would find us and offer and deliver on champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and endless cerveza and bottles of top shelf booze! And anyone else that served us got $1-2. $2-300 cash just for tips is a good start for 7 days and nights.

We only left for a 2mi walk to town to get souvenirs. You don't really need to leave otherwise. The lobby has a shop too for all things Desire.

We were very proud that we were able to party well, take long breaks to sober up, hydrate, eat and nap. That is the KEY to not wasting one day feeling like absolute shit. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE INSIDE anymore than you have to.

Our basic routine our entire week was:
-730-9am wake up, Expresso shaken with ice (Lobby)
Water water water!!
-10am Breaky Buffet (Aphro).
-day time Pool and drinks
-NAP between 3-5.
Water water water.
-Jacuzzi between 5-8pm. Shower and clean.
-Drinks and Dinner (Aphro or Pearl) 830/9pm.
-Band/Show/Disco & drinks. 10-12.
-Naughty (usually) Jacuzzi 12-2am or later (drink more or not).
Shower and clean.
Water water water!!
-Pizza or Tacos in our undies. -And sleep 3-7 or 9am.
....and Repeat for 7 days.

We will be back with coconut oil necklaces for all. And we will be expecting Eli to give my man another "how to strip" lesson.

We are looking forward to DP 2016. If you met us and want to stay in touch (many left before we could get contact info), please reply or email us

Suggestions: Desire should have different colored light up bracelets that change color when you want to SWING, SWAY, PLAY or STAY. CLEAN up the seaweed that washes ashore but removing it from site vs. burying it in the sand. Strip/lap dance classes (Eli). Naked game night.

Welp, that's it. Hope this enlightens someone.

[J&J2015]

Apparently my post was flagged and most likely for the same reason someone was offended by some of my comments in my other 24hr report and sent me a PM calling me a horrible human by referencing those dressed in suits at the pool as losers. Unfortunately my sarcasm didn't translate as well and made me look like a heartless judgemental a-hole. I tried to delete this report and report but cannot. I absolutely mean no harm with anything I said. My breasts sag and I have love handles and I am as insecure as the rest of them. I feel terrible that someone may think anything I said was offensive and made an effort to edit my post to no avail.
Admin Note: the potentially offensive reference has been removed at your request

[twomuchfuninthesun]

Without question, one thing we all agree on is that it's the people you meet/end up sharing your vacation with that makes the difference here. The beautiful resort, friendly staff and for the most part, the food, are constantly great.
We do find ourselves reading trip reports and saying how we would like to be there at the same time as so and so, then, other times we sigh with relief that we managed to miss some, and fortunately the latter are few and far between.