Desire First Timers - Read This First !!!

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Desire First Timers - Read This First !!!

Postby Hikercouple56 » Wed Oct 09, 2019 12:48 pm

A Vanilla Couples First Desire Experience - September 2019

Wow! After months and months of talking, reading these forums, it finally happened. This forum was instrumental in our decision to come to Desire and on what to expect once we got there, so I wanted to make sure to take the time to write a report and give back to this great community that shaped our trip and our lives in so many incredible ways.

  • We are a non-lifestyle mid-thirties couple, married for 13 years but together for 20 years, that on a whim back in March decided to book this trip. I (the husband) found Temptations first by accident but wasn't looking for the constant party but something more sensual and relaxing. Desire seemed a bit more than I was thinking but I brought it up to my wife and was met with a myriad of emotions that were mostly negative. "We aren't swingers" "I'm not getting naked in front of random people" "Am I not enough" were just a few of the responses that I received. All I asked my wife was to read some of the reviews on this forum and trip advisor and we would talk and if she wasn’t 100% on board based on that then we would book a trip that we both agreed on. Upon reading and internalizing the possibility of this trip, my wife was ready to book and thus began a crazy indescribable 6 month journey that lands me here, sitting next to my wife on the plane heading home, smiling ear to ear and so excited to talk and discuss with each other on what transpired in Cancun, Mexico.
  • Wife: It takes me a long time to process things. I consider myself very open minded but also this was way out of our comfort zone. I tend to shoot everything down first and then slowly come around.
The Prep and Build-up
  • If not for any other reason book this trip just for the build-up and conversations that occur when going to a resort like this. We haven’t watched TV or anything in the months before this trip because we spent our hour or two a night together talking about what we want, boundaries, expectations and life in general. You see we were going to a lifestyle friendly resort and we wanted to be on the same page. We've been together for 20 yrs. and we are each other’s one and only. We have VERY LITTLE experience outside of each other and this is something very important and sacred to us. Again, we aren't swingers! So initially our talks led to what we wanted out of this trip, maybe public play where people could see, maybe watching others (in a non-creepy way) or maybe just to be naked and enjoying each other. A few years ago, we started discussing the possibility of bringing another woman into our bed, not for me but for her. That was a task that never gained traction and was a fantasy that stayed in our bedroom but was super-hot to fantasize about. It seemed very unrealistic on this trip given that Desire is a couples only resort, so no single ladies. Oh well, we still had each other and that was our limit. We stay together and maybe my wife will kiss and touch a woman. She said she would never go down on a woman and didn’t know how she felt about having a woman go down her so we left it at that but the more we talked the more we began to explore other possibilities. Would we like it if a woman went down on me? What if I went down on another woman? About a month or 2 after booking our mind set began to change and we pushed our boundaries in our minds and holy shit it was sexy. The months leading up were filled with crazy talks, crazier sex and a connection that started to form between the two of us that is truly indescribable. We have always had a great sex life but this was over the top, it was hotter and sexier than ever and our minds began to wander. We checked out couples and asked questions like "how would you feel if x, y or z happens" and that’s when we began to consider the possibility of this being more than just us. Like any good husband I needed to do research and more research to see what people were saying and it was almost universal. You must be solid in your relationship (this won’t fix anything), you must talk and discuss everything good or bad and you must be in it together. Check, check and check! By the time we boarded the plane we were on the same page with 100% clear boundaries. Ours were no full swap, no taking one for team and we do everything together. That’s it. We weren’t sure on kissing but more on that later. But here is the most important thing that I believe relieved some of the pressure. We gave each other the ability and permission to mess up. You don’t truly know what you like or how you will feel until you see it with your own eyes and in the situation. So, we allowed each other a pass to make mistakes without consequences. If something happens that offends or upsets one of us, we will talk about it and make sure that we don’t do it again. We aren’t ruining this trip or relationship over a misunderstanding or over something we thought would be hot but ended up making one of us jealous or uncomfortable. Realistically we weren't going to find this "perfect couple" that met our laundry list of absurd prerequisites before we would even consider taking the step of "playing" with others but we were ready and tried to consider all possibilities.
  • Wife: I started out with a lot of rules and ended up with very few. Like he states above, you don’t know how you are going to feel and I was so worried about jealousy. I knew if anyone was going to be jealous, it would be me.
  • Leaving the kids was hard but we have been waiting for this for over half a year and were we so ready. American Airlines messed a few things up so we ended up going a day early and staying next door at Breathless. Don’t ever make that mistake! It was awful but needless to say we made it to Desire. We used SuperShuttle due to the weird transfers and they were fantastic with no complaints. We both discussed how nervous we were going to be upon enter into this naked adult playground and surprisingly we were both weirdly calm and at peace with what we were about to experience. They greet you with drinks and warm towels and they truly make you feel at home. Both of us felt "comfortable" here from the minute we walked through the doors. The pool isn’t big but definitely big enough. The grounds are beautiful and the staff is amazing! Everything that you read in this forum and on TripAdvisor are all accurate and true. That is what made us consider this place to begin with. Very rarely did you read anything bad and I now understand why. It’s because this oasis provides you a place to just be you and they make you feel special whether it’s your first time or twentieth. The hotel and grounds are meticulously kept but it has a quaint, intimate feel wherever you go. We had a garden view room and yes, they aren’t anything special but just being at this resort is special enough. We had no issues with any of the accommodations.
  • We both read mixed reviews about the food and to be honest it was slightly underwhelming to me. Don’t get me wrong the food wasn’t bad and there is always something you can find to eat but I found most of the buffet (breakfast, lunch and dinner) to have many items that weren’t appealing and/or didn’t have much flavor but as I said there was always something yummy to eat. I did find myself eating the same things because the variety from day to day didn’t change much. We ate at both Suki and Sahlo twice during our stay and both were fantastic. If you are more of a foodie this is probably where you would want to spend your evenings dining.
  • Wife: Pro-tip, I had an omelet every single morning for breakfast and it was really good.
The People
  • Oh, the people!!! I don’t know how many people we met that we will stay in contact with in the future, maybe 2 couples, but I do know that most people we met were fantastic. Everyone is in love, seems happy and were easy to talk to. This is one of the biggest things that drew us to this type of resort. All the reviews you read talk about how friendly and happy everyone is. I can honestly say that the one night we were next door at Breathless we didn’t talk to a single person who wasn’t part of the staff. Within 5 mins of being at Desire we had already spoke to or were greeted by multiple couples. Upon arrival we were hungry so after saying hi to our friends (We highly recommend joining a group to get to know some people before you arrive.) we went to the buffet for a light lunch and then to the pool. It was the moment of truth…Off came the swimsuit without a second thought and into the pool we went to mingle! My wife did wear some small skimpy thongs most of the time but was also comfortable with being naked as well. That first day in the pool was exhilarating and so much fun. We talked to so many people from all over the world and everyone wanted to know about us and share about themselves and we all had this naked secret that we shared together. Couples ranged from mid-thirties to over seventy and they were all cool peeps! You will see body shapes and sizes across the entire spectrum and everyone felt sexy and comfortable with themselves. Nobody is staring, laughing or joking about anyone, so if this particular thing is holding you back please let it go and come experience this magical place. Not gonna lie, I thought it would be weird to see dicks all over the place but after 10 mins you don’t pay attention anymore. I’ve read a lot about the lifestyle and there are threads on this forum talking/complaining about how this is starting to become a non-lifestyle crowd and I would say that less than 50% were in the lifestyle. We stayed 6 nights and 3 of those nights were only at 50% occupancy and I felt there were very few people playing. We saw much more women lightly playing than couples swapping. Everyone was super friendly, a pleasure to meet and respectful of everyone around them. There were a few people who we kept our eyes on not because they did anything inappropriate but based on our conversations and experiences with them, we decided to stay away. All in all, some of the most down to earth, nicest people you will ever meet!
  • Wife: I had a few nerves but mostly I was angry when we got there because Breathless had charged us an extra $170 at checkout so I needed a drink to calm down, LOL. Once I had a full belly and a drink in my hand, it seemed so natural to be topless in the pool talking to strangers. I love getting to know people and we dove right in. Seeing folks from our group was so exciting, like seeing old friends. It was a natural high from start to finish. We did go ham our first day drinking and did not make it out that night. Oops, rookie mistake. Those vodka fresca’s sneak up on ya!
The Pool and Jacuzzi
  • We spent most of our time by the pool during the day. We enjoyed meeting new people and socializing so this is where we decided to hangout. The beach was much quieter and more peaceful so if you are looking to get away from the music, entertainment and the crowd this would be the place for you. The playmakers definitely tried to keep the games and party going. We weren’t overly impressed by the games and daily entertainment. Some were fun but being that the resort wasn’t full for half our trip there was very little participation and that includes us. We were just enjoying hanging out with each other and talking. We didn’t want to interrupt that to play pool volleyball that seemed to last an hour and a half. We had heard from some members that the best entertainers had recently moved on and for the most part this was a whole new bunch and it showed. We did take the paddle boards out one day and played beach volleyball (which again lasted forever) and we participated in the foam party. The foam party was fun and it made everyone more social but after seeing/experiencing it I could take it or leave it. Overall the pool was great and the smaller size promoted socializing and kept people more engaged. The jacuzzi was great as well. Yes, you have to go up some steps but I didn’t find it annoying as you read many places. Surprisingly, we didn’t see a whole lot of action at the jacuzzi for the most part. There were a few nights that all the beds were full but mostly just husbands and wives enjoying each other. Most afternoons everyone just talked, flirted and drank. I guess I was expecting orgies and such on a daily/nightly basis but it wasn’t really like that. It was a great place to hang out and chill and get revved up.
  • Wife: Beach volleyball was fun but I just wanted to relax and talk to people so one day of it was enough for me. I actually really enjoyed the foam party. I thought the playmakers did a great job with the duck game and I had a lot of fun. Reading the forums made me so nervous about the jacuzzi. I was terrified, but it was really fun. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary but it was really relaxing and a great place to hang.
The Lifestyle
  • Talk about scary! As someone who hasn’t kissed any other women for the better part of two decades, I was nervous about the possibility of being with anyone other than my wife. Excited but nervous. We setup our boundaries before we left (no full swap, no taking one for the team and we are always together) but we were both apprehensive about kissing. It felt so intimate and romantic and seeing our life partners doing that with someone else seem unfathomable. Our first day around 430pm we went up to the jacuzzi and met a couple from one of our groups. They were attractive and easy to talk with and my wife kissed the other woman. It was hot in the moment and the wife asked to kiss me which we did. My wife also kissed the husband as well and that is where that experience ended. Although we didn’t see much more of this couple on our trip, it was a perfect ice breaker and for us and a valuable learning experience. It didn’t bother either of us at all. No jealousy, no weird feelings and at that point we both let go a little more. The next day we hung out with one of the most amazing couples that had been in our group. They were from the south, mid to late forties and had been in the lifestyle for a long time. They shared their approach to the lifestyle and gave us so many helpful pointers and advice. His charisma and charm coupled with her southern twang and gorgeous body made us feel at home with them and we tried to soak up everything they said. They didn’t “play” much but enjoyed the people, friendships and what this lifestyle did for their marriage. They were selective and 100% in love and in this together and it showed. We didn’t do anything with them but their friendship proved instrumental in our growth into the lifestyle. Yes, I said it…we are now part of the lifestyle in some capacity. Since it has taken me the better part of a month to finish this report, many discussions have occurred since we left Desire. On our third day, we met a couple that invited us to the jacuzzi. We talked and got to know them and while there were some sexual conversations, we didn’t do anything that night. They were super respectful and were willing to take it slow being that this was our first time. The time we spent with them was great! It felt like we were dating them, lol, because we went to dinner had drinks and just got to know each other. We had an amazing experience with them one of the nights that had us all fantasizing and wanting more. The last night all four of us were ready to have a great time but my wife wasn’t feeling good and we cut the night short, trust me when I say we all left wanting so much more. In the time we spent with this amazing couple, we touched, kissed and flirted and it was exhilarating! I did find myself somewhat reluctant to make a move on this gorgeous woman. In my day to day life I'm not the nervous or cautious type but being sexual and touchy feely with another woman through my brain for a loop. I learned some valuable things about myself and finally settled down when it was time to go home. The best sex we had on this trip was with each other hands down but just being around sexy fun people really turned us on. There was no jealousy, resentment or discomfort which totally took us of guard. We were overwhelmed (mostly me) with the whole experience but it was perfect at the same time. I hope we meet this couple again because now that we are comfortable there is no doubt it would have been taken to the next level of pleasure, especially for me. Everyone in the lifestyle is very respectful, complementary and easy to talk to and that drew us in but after having this experience over the last 6 months I can honestly say that this community are people we want to be around and associate with in some capacity. We don’t know where this lifestyle journey will take us from here but I do know that we will look back at Desire and our "friends" with fond memories and a better understanding of what we want from this adventure.
  • Wife: This was huge. I didn’t see this happening for us but it did and we are still talking about it. Like everyone’s first time, it’s a learning experience. Mood setting is super important to me and I didn’t really know it until afterwards. Also, there were so many good conversations that lead to what we liked and what we didn’t care for, which is awesome.
  • MY #1 TAKEAWAY – WHY? When we started this journey into the possibility of swinging, I always asked “why”. I wanted to know why someone in a perfectly good marriage would let their spouse kiss, flirt and possibly have sex with another person. I love my wife! She is the sexiest woman I’ve ever met and she loves me more than anyone else could even imagine. I know this and would never want to lose her over anything. So why potentially jeopardize our relationship over a few minutes or hours of pleasure. I asked this question to many people with a range of answers and honestly none of their answers help me figure out my why. After this experience it’s clear to me, it’s the people, the community and my wife. Everyone is in love and everyone feels the same about their spouse as I feel about mine. We can have a good time but no one is crossing that line that would make me think they want anything more than a fun sexy experience. If we ever got that vibe, we would be out of there as fast as possible. Its intoxicating being around couples that are sexy fun and in love like us. I can’t speak for everyone but in our case it’s really hard to come by. My wife and I feel bad around some of our friends and family because they are in sexless marriages, don’t love each other, don’t show affections to one another and when they ask about us it makes us feel guilty that we have a loving marriage, we are true partners in ever since and we love having sex. We have worked hard on our marriage and even after two kids we prioritize time together. This makes us happy and proud to be with each other but we don’t have many people in our life that care, most want to bitch about these things but don’t do anything to fix them. I want to be around like-minded, fun people and there is no better place to find that than at Desire. Lastly, my wife is the second/maybe first reason why I have enjoyed this journey and look forward to what the future holds. No one and I mean no one will love me like her. We have connected in ways I didn’t even realize existed and it has brought us so much closer together and I didn’t even think that was possible. She is my one and only and forever be my soulmate and one true love.
  • If you are looking to have a sexy getaway with your spouse or want to explore something more, this place is for you. Don’t overthink the initial booking. You won’t be pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do! Take it at your speed and no one will try to get in your way or change your mind.
  • We were able to get there early our first day since we were next door. I highly recommend this!! Just don’t stay at a high-priced resort. A few people would stay at the Courtyard by the airport for $70 a night and then come to Desire first thing in the morning. I would highly recommend this if your trip lines up that way and you are arriving late at night.
  • Bring insulated cups like a Yeti or something similar. It was nice to have cups that held a little more than their plastic cup (which they wash and reuse) and it would keep it cold for longer given the intense heat.
  • SunBum sunscreen is awesome! Nobody wants to burn while down here and this stuff is good! We did some pre-tanning prior to coming but we only had to apply it 2 or 3 times a day and never even a hint of getting burnt.
  • The membership presentation – this seems to be a hot topic and we ended up being sponsored by a member so in order to get the perks we had to take the presentation. Initially they messed up and said we couldn’t get the perks so we just declined the presentation and it was no big deal. They changed their mind and decided to allow it but we had to do the presentation. We had heard that it took people up to 2 or 3 hours. We just politely declined, didn’t ask any questions and made it clear up front that we were only doing this to get the perks. They were annoyed but we were in and out in just under 1 hr 10 mins. It could work for some people for sure but it wasn’t for us and we knew that going in.
  • Surprisingly we under packed. More casual wear would have been nice. I was a few shirts short of being perfect and my wife had dress up clothes and pool wear but was also lacking in the casual attire to dinner. Not sure how that happened but it did.
  • Theme nights – Please dress up for theme nights! It’s so much more fun when everyone participated. There were a couple nights (specifically the one where I wore assless chaps and thong) where no one participated and it was kinda lame. No one cares and you will see everything from naked to button up shirt and polo (don’t be that guy!). The women love it when the guys go all out it makes the scene more exciting in my opinion.
  • You need a good hat, both men and women, because the sun is absolutely brutal at times.
  • Sandals – you will sign a letter saying you will where shoes at all times in all locations. Don’t ignore this!!! In bare feet the areas around the pool and bar as well as in your rooms are extremely slippery when wet. I saw a few people fall and that’s not how you want to end your vacation with a broken arm. Don’t risk it just always wear some sort of foot wear.
  • Don’t pressure your spouse into anything like this. We met a couple that the wife was very apprehensive and the husband was super eager and we stayed far away. Talk about this together and make this decision together. This environment is the opposite of pressure but everyone should come to this decision on their own and not just because the other one wants to.
  • My wife's confidence! She is absolutely the most beautiful woman in the world and i think this trip helped her feel her best. I try to tell my wife everyday how sexy she is but, after 20 yrs., 2 kids and all that goes into having kids and a thriving career, i don’t think she believed it anymore. This trip has changed that. She’s standing taller and her smile glows when she looks at me. It was exactly what both of us needed!
    Wife: On a normal weekend I am in jeans and a baseball hat going to kid related events and so being naked, dressing up for theme nights, dinners, and dancing made me feel so much more confident. Not to mention, everyone we met was so complimentary that you can’t help but feel good about yourself.
If you are hesitant but you think you might enjoy a trip like this than I can assure you, YOU WILL LOVE IT! Everyone is so sex positive, upbeat, complementary and respectful and if you got this far, I think you should book this trip.
Wife: The hardest part is adjusting back to normal life. I wish everyone could experience this and I can’t stress enough how amazing we feel. There is nothing like this place!
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Desire Convert
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:31 pm
We are from: USA
Will be at Desire: Riviera Maya
We arrive on: 19 Aug 2020

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