not in the lifestyle

[chicagoan69]

Newbies going in May who are Interested in the sexually charged environment but not in the Lifestyle....How do you handle meeting couples and hanging out without wasting the time of those seeking others in the lifestyle? I know that it's a no-no to waste someone's time....

Thoughts?

[marklu]

We also enjoy the atmosphere and like you are not in the Lifestyle. It has been our experience that those in the Lifestyle usually ask fairly soon in a conversation if we are swingers. We tell them we are flattered but politely decline and often times we end up chatting with them throughout our time at Desire. Just be upfront.

[Pete&Gina]

We will be going for the 2nd time to Pearl in about 12 days. When we went 2 years ago, nobody asked if we were in the Lifestyle or not ( we are not). I did overhear couples asking other couples so maybe we weren't "desireable" enough for them which is fine by us. Just go have your fun and enjoy yourselves, if asked just tell them you aren't and keep on partying!!!!...Pete

P.S. I see you are also from the Windy City

[MandD]

My wife and I are not lifestylers and also go mainly for the environment. Although there was one trip that we did cross the line sveral times. . We've found most who are looking for that expierience tend to bring the subject up early on. On 2 of our 4 trips no one asked us, and on the other 2 almost all asked us. I think most people give off a subconsious vibe if they are wanting to play or not. I'm not sure how people pick up on the clues, but the human mind is much more perceptive than most of us realize.

[yoyo]

My wife and I are not lifestylers and also go mainly for the environment. Although there was one trip that we did cross the line sveral times. . We've found most who are looking for that expierience tend to bring the subject up early on. On 2 of our 4 trips no one asked us, and on the other 2 almost all asked us. I think most people give off a subconsious vibe if they are wanting to play or not. I'm not sure how people pick up on the clues, but the human mind is much more perceptive than most of us realize.

You are so right !

[buried20kleague]

We are in the lifestyle (but not full swap) and fully expected it to be a regular topic of conversation, and it wasn't. It came up once or twice and that was it. We also think we happened to be there at a pretty tame time. We didn't see one body shot, barely saw any PDS, etc etc.

We're hoping it's all a little different this time around in May.

But my point is... Your concern is unwarranted. Nobody will care. At all. In fact, that's how it is there on MOST topics. Desire folks tend to be quite accepting, regardless of topic. Before our first trip, we wondered and worried about all KINDS of stuff... And after the trip we laughed about how stupid it was to have wasted time worrying.

[coupleluvs2watch]

We are in the lifestyle (but not full swap) and fully expected it to be a regular topic of conversation, and it wasn't. It came up once or twice and that was it. We also think we happened to be there at a pretty tame time. We didn't see one body shot, barely saw any PDS, etc etc.

We're hoping it's all a little different this time around in May.

But my point is... Your concern is unwarranted. Nobody will care. At all. In fact, that's how it is there on MOST topics. Desire folks tend to be quite accepting, regardless of topic. Before our first trip, we wondered and worried about all KINDS of stuff... And after the trip we laughed about how stupid it was to have wasted time worrying.

This is good to know

[TandD]

Pretty much what has already been said but I'll add - It's not your responsibility to "warn" anyone that you are not a swinger or worry that you might be wasting someone's time. As long as you are not actively leading them on and making it sound like you are DTF and then pull the rug out from under them at the end, then the onus is on them figure out what you are (if they want to) and decide how much they want to "invest" in you.

And, just because they *are* swingers (if they are), doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to talk/hang with you even if you are not.

So, don't worry about it. Have fun, strike up conversations with people, and don't worry about what they might be. If it matters, you'll find out soon enough.

[MandD]

Pretty much what has already been said but I'll add - It's not your responsibility to "warn" anyone that you are not a swinger or worry that you might be wasting someone's time. As long as you are not actively leading them on and making it sound like you are DTF and then pull the rug out from under them at the end, then the onus is on them figure out what you are (if they want to) and decide how much they want to "invest" in you.

And, just because they *are* swingers (if they are), doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to talk/hang with you even if you are not.

So, don't worry about it. Have fun, strike up conversations with people, and don't worry about what they might be. If it matters, you'll find out soon enough.

[Kman&LadyDi]

Pretty much what has already been said but I'll add - It's not your responsibility to "warn" anyone that you are not a swinger or worry that you might be wasting someone's time. As long as you are not actively leading them on and making it sound like you are DTF and then pull the rug out from under them at the end, then the onus is on them figure out what you are (if they want to) and decide how much they want to "invest" in you.

And, just because they *are* swingers (if they are), doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to talk/hang with you even if you are not.

So, don't worry about it. Have fun, strike up conversations with people, and don't worry about what they might be. If it matters, you'll find out soon enough.

[SensualCouple55]

We newbies are encouraged and heartened by the above discussion. Can't wait for April !
PS...we live near Denver but Chicago is our second home.
B & J

[Miacpl30]

Agree with alot that has been said. We are on our 7th trip in less than 2 weeks. We learned to ask early so you know but we love meeting new people at desire no matter their interests. If anything happens that is a plus.

[Lkncouple]

We are not in the lifestyle, and have been three times. Usually people are pretty open, and during the conversation you will have the chance to let people know you are not in the lifestyle. I think you will find that people are still very open and friendly even if you are not in the lifestyle. On our last trip(January), we mostly hung out with people in the lifestyle and they were very open. It was actually very interesting to here their stories and to talk to them about the lifestyle. Just be honest and you will meet lots of people.

[max4play]

Pretty much what has already been said but I'll add - It's not your responsibility to "warn" anyone that you are not a swinger or worry that you might be wasting someone's time. As long as you are not actively leading them on and making it sound like you are DTF and then pull the rug out from under them at the end, then the onus is on them figure out what you are (if they want to) and decide how much they want to "invest" in you.

And, just because they *are* swingers (if they are), doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to talk/hang with you even if you are not.

So, don't worry about it. Have fun, strike up conversations with people, and don't worry about what they might be. If it matters, you'll find out soon enough.

[MarNRob]

We just returned from Pearl. Not in the lifestyle. The first evening after we arrived we were approached quite aggressively by a rude couple - alcohol was a factor! while watching the show in the lobby. This was a shock since I was expecting a simple "hi are you in the lifestyle" approach. Second night the same thing. Two approaches one by a single male who was polite and again by a couple who were not.

This kind of made us feel like we were in a meat market while in the lobby. We had not and never did use the jacuzzi since it seemed like we'd be sending the wrong signal. I would be happier if Desire issued wrist bands to those who chose NOT to be in the LS. It would also be nice if they would promote gatherings for non-swingers. That way we could meet and greet likeminded couples without fear of sending wrong signals. We went to enjoy each other in a sensuous environment. Finally met a very nice couple and enjoyed dinners and conversation by the pool.

Overall we loved the place, the room, the food and the staff are outstanding. Interestingly I think the percentage of swingers was way over 50 percent - and we don't mind, just that it isn't our thing.

I realize this forum is mostly populated by LS folks. It might be nice to have a non LS forum for the rest of us.
Best,

MarNRob