How do I talk the wife into going ??

[Curious1]

Any suggestions, comments etc.... she's pretty conservative

[squeak714154]

I'm sure there's plenty of good advice out there, and I'll summarize three main reasons how we found ourselves at Desire.

1) Educate yourself and then educate her. Show her the websites. Show her posts on the forum. Make sure she understands that the trip is about you as a couple and not about living out some wild fantasy. Be open and honest with her about why you want to go and what your desires are.

2) Don't be pushy. Give it time. It has to be a conclusion she comes to. I originally approached her with the idea about a year before we went.

3) Above all, give her control and genuinely be happy about that. If she feels in control, her comfort level will be elevated.

My wife was excited to go once it was clear what she was getting into, that it was about enhancing our relationship, and that she was in control. Now we are planning our return. Only question now is which resort.

-N

[sonomapair]

Any suggestions, comments etc.... she's pretty conservative

What's your background? Any related experience or coming from this with no nudist/swinging/etc. totally vanilla? Have you even discussed it? What are you hoping to get out of a trip to Desire and do you think that is something your wife would be comfortable with as well? It's hard to give advice without a bit of understanding of your situation, why you think a trip to Desire would be good for your relationship (hoping that's your motivation!) and where your wife stands.

That aside, it's probably the wrong question. You shouldn't "talk her into going". This should not be a matter of persuasion. If you do persuade her, and she goes without a good bit of enthusiasm, you're definitely not starting on the right foot. As the previous post advises...you'll need to take your time and see if she has any interest. Assuming you have a well established relationship, lots of trust, and communicate well together, you probably already know her likely areas of concern prior to discussing it with her. What can you do to alleviate the concern? It might help to offer to set pretty substantial limits on what activities you'd expect to participate in when you get here so she's very comfortable. Make sure she knows you won't push her to move the goalposts...and they only move if she suggests it and you agree. Don't be disappointed if the first trip you make to Desire involved you and your wife being pretty conservative in a sexy environment. Make it clear you're fine NOT DOING whatever she doesn't want to do.

We know some lifestyle folks where the guy was gung-ho for fun and games and had to drag the wife along. Then all of the sudden, she was fully on board and he got super jealous. So be careful. You might be the one wanting your wife to slow down later. It's important, in any case, to move at the comfort of the slowest moving member of the couple.

Good luck!

[northernlightscpl]

Honestly, if she is very conservative and you think you need a method to talk her into going, the odds aren't great but I guess worth a try. The last thing you want to do is 'drag her along' without being willing to be there and then the trip is really becomes about what is in it for you. I think most Desire vets have seen this scenario at Desire at lest once were the wife really doesn't want to be there or a part of any day time activities, there because he wanted to be there and it really doesn't equal that the guy is going to now have 'fun' now that he is there. The 'lone wolf' away from his wife doesn't generally work well for him at Desire. If she is reluctant to go, conservative, maybe take smaller steps towards a vacation by starting with C/O beaches until (or if) she is comfortable with this, then you will know better if this type of vacation resort is right for both. I have been married a while and know there is no 'talking a woman into doing anything, unless it is their idea' and that 'a happy wife is a happy life'. Start with some exploring talk about CO beaches and you will know soon enough.

[two4funinpa]

I would never talk her in to going...it's an expensive trip with no escape if you don't like it, and you both need to be on board. Having said that, I'm sure you understand that Desire isn't a drunkin orgy. It can be a very intimate place for you to connect with your significant other. Although we have had a couple of drunkin orgies there. The beauty of it is you can have whatever kind of experience you want there. (Just reiterating what you'd read on the forum.) Anyway, I would have her read the forum and talk to people so she understands what it's all about. And if it interests her, you guys should go. If it doesn't, they I think your better off not pushing her to go.

[desireaddict]

I don't think Desire is the right "first place to go" under those circumstances. We were/are a pretty conservative couple. (More "were" than are at this point.) Midwestern buckle of the Bible Belt thing. We made our first C/O trip to Couples Tower Isle and really didn't think we'd go to the nude area. We did. We loved the "freedom" of it. That's all history and we went on to several trips at Grand Lido Braco and Hedo III (both closed) and now Desire because we love the atmosphere. We weren't/aren't looking for the drunken orgy. We were/are looking for the special time together.

For the few guys who have surprised their wife with a trip to Desire (or Hedo III), we've mostly seen it go bad. I recall some couples, not speaking, waiting in the lobby for a transfer to a more vanilla resort. But, I can think of one couple at Desire where it turned out really well. She hated it upon arriving and was pissed at him. Several of the ladies helped her to see the fun (not sexual) in being there and she began to embrace the Desire spirit and they even extended their trip. But, I think they are the exception rather than the rule on those "surprise" bookings. That guy should buy a lottery ticket as he is one lucky guy!

I would at least start TALKING about going to a more vanilla resort that has Clothing Optional or Au Natuel options, like Couples Resorts. Approach it with the idea of a 2nd honeymoon to "add a little spark" to your relationship. If she is receptive, you could then move on to talking about Desire. Desire is a mild or as wild as you make it. Usually (except January swingers month) you will not witness anything but nudity unless you go to the areas designated as areas where sex is allowed (the Jacuzzi and Playroom). Otherwise, it's just a resort with a lot of naked people and some topless people, though very few guys wearing any swimwear. If your conversation is going good, you can introduce her to this website and she'll see the newbie trip reports. You do have to have that attitude that is willing to "push the envelope" a little to give it a try.

Good luck.

[two4funinpa]

It's funny...I see threads like this a lot. My wife and I started at local lifestyle events before we ventured off to a vacation like Desire. We have local clubs and functions where we live. We did that a lot and felt comfortable in that environment before we drop thousands on a vacation. So I agree, don't start at Desire. Try something with less of a commitment level first. Like if it doesn't go well you can just drive home early.

[northernlightscpl]

It's funny...I see threads like this a lot. My wife and I started at local lifestyle events before we ventured off to a vacation like Desire. We have local clubs and functions where we live. We did that a lot and felt comfortable in that environment before we drop thousands on a vacation. So I agree, don't start at Desire. Try something with less of a commitment level first. Like if it doesn't go well you can just drive home early.

[desireaddict]

It's funny...I see threads like this a lot. My wife and I started at local lifestyle events before we ventured off to a vacation like Desire. We have local clubs and functions where we live. We did that a lot and felt comfortable in that environment before we drop thousands on a vacation. So I agree, don't start at Desire. Try something with less of a commitment level first. Like if it doesn't go well you can just drive home early.

That would work if you were both in agreement on testing out the Lifestyle, but from the OP I don't think wifey is ready for that if she's not ready for Desire. Desire can be as mild or wild as you want it. Stay away from the Jacuzzi area and SinRoom and it's not much different than St Maaren/Orient Beach -- just a bunch of naked people. I still think an adults only resort with a nude or clothing optional area would be the way to "ease" into it. Good Luck!

[squeak714154]

It's funny...I see threads like this a lot. My wife and I started at local lifestyle events before we ventured off to a vacation like Desire. We have local clubs and functions where we live. We did that a lot and felt comfortable in that environment before we drop thousands on a vacation. So I agree, don't start at Desire. Try something with less of a commitment level first. Like if it doesn't go well you can just drive home early.

That would work if you were both in agreement on testing out the Lifestyle, but from the OP I don't think wifey is ready for that if she's not ready for Desire. Desire can be as mild or wild as you want it. Stay away from the Jacuzzi area and SinRoom and it's not much different than St Maaren/Orient Beach -- just a bunch of naked people. I still think an adults only resort with a nude or clothing optional area would be the way to "ease" into it. Good Luck!

Agreed, and I would add that it may not feasible to attend local clubs and functions, depending on your personal situation. Desire adds an element of anonymity where you can get away to ease into it.

[wazeerally]

I would have to say for me and my wife I recall our first time at Desire. We really didn't know what to expect and wanted to check it out once we got there the first day she was in her swim suit and me in short pants, the second day we really felt out of place so we took it all off, it was a shocker for me consider my wife is extremely conservative and shy. We had lots of fun in the disco sin room and the Jacuzzi. We went back twice after that, we are party animals and get bored very easily if not occupied in things to do. The only thing we didn't like about Desire is that there isn't enough things to do during the day, laying on a beach chair and in the pool for 10 hours is quite not our thing, I wish they have a pool table and at least another ping pong table just to kill time. The night life after 7PM to 5AM is amazing. We always end up closing the disco and then head to the Jacuzzi and around 4AM go get Pizza lol. Do one thing don't force her into anything, one year while we were there we met a couple from Canada and the guy was just crazy over my wife and all his focus and attention was on her, I saw that his wife was vacation was almost ruin so I approached him and told him that please stay away from my wife and pay attention to yours as you are ruining her vacation. We didn't play with anyone but mutual touching dancing compliments was all there and we did indulged with the wife permission of course. We kept going back because we enjoy friendly people who respect the word NO and we can still have a good time for a week. Now we are planning to go to Pearl as we just came back from Couples Negril and that place sucks with a capital S. Nothing to do during the day and everyone go to their room at 10PM. Anyway best of luck

[gibor]

I don't think Desire is the right "first place to go" under those circumstances. We were/are a pretty conservative couple. (More "were" than are at this point.) Midwestern buckle of the Bible Belt thing. We made our first C/O trip to Couples Tower Isle and really didn't think we'd go to the nude area. We did. We loved the "freedom" of it.

Exactly what I wanted to advise! 2 years ago we had 20th wedding anniversary and we went to Couples San Souci. It was very easy to convince my wife as only part of the resort (maybe 1/4) is nude only and maybe about 50% of tourist don't cross line to a nude area.
My wife said that max she will be topless. However, 1 min after we went to nude part, both of us were completely nude and we had a blast! More than that , we together with some other "crazy" rule breakers went nude to places where it's not allowed , like mineral pool and jacuzzi and sauna.
We liked Couples so much ,that next year went there again.
This year I had 50th Bday and my wife insisted that we'll go to more sexually explicit resort, so we landed in Desire. Just come back last week and we had the best time ever!
If we went directly to Desire, it would be much more difficult for us to accomodate

[Darin & Melissa]

I would have to say for me and my wife I recall our first time at Desire. We really didn't know what to expect and wanted to check it out once we got there the first day she was in her swim suit and me in short pants, the second day we really felt out of place so we took it all off, it was a shocker for me consider my wife is extremely conservative and shy. We had lots of fun in the disco sin room and the Jacuzzi. We went back twice after that, we are party animals and get bored very easily if not occupied in things to do. The only thing we didn't like about Desire is that there isn't enough things to do during the day, laying on a beach chair and in the pool for 10 hours is quite not our thing, I wish they have a pool table and at least another ping pong table just to kill time. The night life after 7PM to 5AM is amazing. We always end up closing the disco and then head to the Jacuzzi and around 4AM go get Pizza lol. Do one thing don't force her into anything, one year while we were there we met a couple from Canada and the guy was just crazy over my wife and all his focus and attention was on her, I saw that his wife was vacation was almost ruin so I approached him and told him that please stay away from my wife and pay attention to yours as you are ruining her vacation. We didn't play with anyone but mutual touching dancing compliments was all there and we did indulged with the wife permission of course. We kept going back because we enjoy friendly people who respect the word NO and we can still have a good time for a week. Now we are planning to go to Pearl as we just came back from Couples Negril and that place sucks with a capital S. Nothing to do during the day and everyone go to their room at 10PM. Anyway best of luck

We are planning Pearl as well, we look forward to meeting you both.

Melissa

[werfun]

Don't try to talk your wife into a trip to Desire because if she agrees it will be just to please you and nothing good will come from it. Just put the idea in her mind and forget about it don't pester her about it every day. Let her see you looking at the Desire Forum every so often and if she says anything just make a small remark and let it go. She will begin to think about Desire more and more. If she says a maybe to a trip to Desire perhaps you can IM some Desire Forum members to see if the ladies are willing to talk to your wife about Desire Resort. I say let your wife call and talk to the other lady because then she will know that its not just one of your friends trying to talk her into a trip to Desire. Don't forget that moods change day to day as one day she might be all for a trip and the next day she says no way to a trip.
We have been to Desire several times and enjoyed every trip. But just last month my wife asked what a trip to Desire next spring cost so I checked and when I told her the next day she told me that I was a pervert and just wanted to look at nude ladies and she wasn't interested in a trip. So I just let go and in a little while she will again ask about a trip. So just put the idea of a Desire trip in her mind and let it grow on its own and you might be surprised.

[wazeerally]

I would have to say for me and my wife I recall our first time at Desire. We really didn't know what to expect and wanted to check it out once we got there the first day she was in her swim suit and me in short pants, the second day we really felt out of place so we took it all off, it was a shocker for me consider my wife is extremely conservative and shy. We had lots of fun in the disco sin room and the Jacuzzi. We went back twice after that, we are party animals and get bored very easily if not occupied in things to do. The only thing we didn't like about Desire is that there isn't enough things to do during the day, laying on a beach chair and in the pool for 10 hours is quite not our thing, I wish they have a pool table and at least another ping pong table just to kill time. The night life after 7PM to 5AM is amazing. We always end up closing the disco and then head to the Jacuzzi and around 4AM go get Pizza lol. Do one thing don't force her into anything, one year while we were there we met a couple from Canada and the guy was just crazy over my wife and all his focus and attention was on her, I saw that his wife was vacation was almost ruin so I approached him and told him that please stay away from my wife and pay attention to yours as you are ruining her vacation. We didn't play with anyone but mutual touching dancing compliments was all there and we did indulged with the wife permission of course. We kept going back because we enjoy friendly people who respect the word NO and we can still have a good time for a week. Now we are planning to go to Pearl as we just came back from Couples Negril and that place sucks with a capital S. Nothing to do during the day and everyone go to their room at 10PM. Anyway best of luck

We are planning Pearl as well, we look forward to meeting you both.

Melissa

It would be our pleasure but I really have to do my homework to see if this really works for us, I wont spend that much money to go there if the nightlife cannot stand up to Desire MR. From what I conclude so far the only difference is the pool is bigger and the room which is not really an issue for us I love RM pool and Jacuzzi its big enough to accommodate the perfect amount of people not spread out and not crowded.