Day Four: The Longest Night of the Year
We didn’t roll out of bed until noon, so we went over to lunch with the intention of calling it brunch. From there, we moved back to our beach bed. We’ve officially decided that our bed is the best bed on the beach and will be requesting it specifically on future visits. The view is great and it gets some nice shade in the afternoons. We spent the afternoon lounging on the beach. Our new Twitter friends stopped by to say hello. Finally, it was time to either go to hot tub happy hour or get ready for dinner. We opted for the latter since it was still sunny and we had pretty much skipped the sunscreen between lunch and the beach and didn’t feel like applying now. So, back to the room to shower and dress and then off to Suki where we discovered that “beef with broccoli” means “steak with a side of broccoli” as opposed to what you’d normally get at your neighborhood Chinese restaurant. After dinner, it was back to the room to prepare for the nightly entertainment.
On our way out to the nightly entertainment, we overheard a guest at the next building saying “look, a skunk!” As we turned the corner, we could see a couple gazing in wild wonder ar a small mammal that was definitely not a skunk. They had caught a brown-nosed coati coming up from the beach. Hooray! First coati sighting of the trip!
The hard-to-read big board of activities (seriously, who thought that making people read tiny clocks would be better than simply printing the times?) told us that tonight was “Champagne Cocktail” followed by a “Nauti Nautical” theme at the disco. It turns out “Champagne Cocktail” involves DiDi pouring champagne down Russian Anna’s ass while inviting guests to lap it up. DiDi then ordered Eddie (all of these people are Entertainment Staff, if that was unclear) to strip so women could lick champagne off of his bare (though reportedly stubbly) chest.
Following the champagne cocktail, the night’s entertainers appeared on the stage that had been set up. There was a trio of drummers (1 guy, 2 scantily clad girls) doing a lovely routine with drums that had water on top and lights inside. I’m sure they’ll be hearing from the Blue Man Group’s lawyers just as soon as a Blue Man books a Desire vacation and actually sees the act.
Following the drummers, a young woman in not a lot of red bikini strutted out on impossibly high shoes to the stripper pole that had been set up in front of the stage. Holy shit. This woman was an absolutely incredible pole acrobat. I swear, there were moments where her entire body weight was supported by just one hand. This woman needs to get off the Cancun resort circuit and go touring with Dita’s burlesque show. Just incredible agility, flexibility, and athleticism on display.
The final act of the evening involved the 2 scantily clad drummer ladies returning to do a bit of strip tease. They started out on stage with two folding chairs then moved down to the floor as the entertainment staff replaced the folding chairs with a large round cushion from one of the pool lounges. When the music shifted to Madonna’s “Justify My Love”, the crowd started buzzing. The two dancers (now down to thongs and white tape over their nipples) pulled a couple of female guests up onto the stage with them for a bit of writhing on the cushion. But the show took on a life of its own when the dancers pulled up the third female guest. She basically took over the scene on the stage and the dancers stepped back. If you could peel your eyes off the stage long enough to glance at the dancers or entertainment staff, you could easily see that the performance had gone off script, was running unexpectedly long, and they weren’t sure what to do about it. However, the DJ was on the same wavelength as the crowd and managed to keep Madonna looping smoothly for several extra minutes.
Finally DiDi got on the mic and broke the spell. The ladies somewhat shakily dismounted the stage to much applause. Then DiDi told us all it was disco time. However, I think the show in the lobby had more of an impact than DiDi realized because nobody migrated to the disco. Those ladies had electrified the lobby and nobody wanted to leave that electric atmosphere. Eventually, we popped up to have a look at the disco, which was very underpopulated. We danced a bit, drank a bit, and then ran back to the room to trade disco clothes for robes.
We took a mini tour of the facility checking the integrity and value of several pieces of furniture. We’re sad to report that the crazy wavy couch so often employed for strip shows that happen in the disco was not to our liking. Maybe it’s just not at the right height for us, but it created a weird angle that, while fun, wasn’t going to get anybody across the finish line. So we went from the sin room to the hot tub beds, which produced a much more satisfactory result. When we came down from the hot tub area, we couldn’t decide what furniture to test next, so we got some water and pepperoni pizza, which we shared with the resident raccoons (sad that’s the coati didn’t make it to the lobby bar). Then we went back to our room and put our extremely firm mattress through a vigorous stress test before drifting off to sleep.
Happy Winter Solstice, you dirty f**king perverts.