not in the lifestyle

[Kman&LadyDi]

Trip advisor

[gaviao]

I would be happier if Desire issued wrist bands to those who chose NOT to be in the LS. It would also be nice if they would promote gatherings for non-swingers. That way we could meet and greet likeminded couples without fear of sending wrong signals.

MarNRob:

We are nudists from 16 years ago. Like both of you, we like erotic environments and adventurous activities, without being into the lifestyle.
We’ve been more than 25 times in at least 8 different nudist resorts –including both Desires-- sometimes with a vast majority of swingers, sometimes not. My wife is a very attractive and young woman (when we started she was 27), so attempts of approaching have been often. A very high percentage of them were very civilized, from kind and polite to wicked and funny.
We remember just one situation when a couple who shared table during a dinner at DRM was too insistent, touching the limits of rudeness at the end of the meal.
During another vacation, in a small hotel at the Mexican Pacific coast, a young man with her girlfriend came near from us, who were chatting with a couple of very close friends. Six of us were naked. He stand in front of us and asked directly:
--are you swingers? –No, we answered.
–How about you? –said to our friends.
–Neither.
--You don’t know what you’re loosing –he said taking his erect penis with his hand in a very rude manner.
My wife, who has become specialist in handling difficult situations, stared him directly, and said:
--I actually can’t see very well what I am loosing! –and pointed to my cock. Our friends and I laughed loudly. The guy went off very upset.

Besides those two events, our coexistence with lifestylers has been absolutely smooth and pleasant. It’w always good know there are people who think and act in a different way than us, but finally they are so deserving of our friendship as any other. And there is always the possibility of change opinion and get involved in some kind of sharing.

So I don’t agree with your idea of non-swingers gatherings. I would just recommend avoid the exclusive events of lifestylers groups. And regarding this forum, I find it very useful and educational. I think most of people here are first class ones.

[max4play]

We just returned from Pearl. Not in the lifestyle. The first evening after we arrived we were approached quite aggressively by a rude couple - alcohol was a factor! while watching the show in the lobby. This was a shock since I was expecting a simple "hi are you in the lifestyle" approach. Second night the same thing. Two approaches one by a single male who was polite and again by a couple who were not.

This kind of made us feel like we were in a meat market while in the lobby. We had not and never did use the jacuzzi since it seemed like we'd be sending the wrong signal. I would be happier if Desire issued wrist bands to those who chose NOT to be in the LS. It would also be nice if they would promote gatherings for non-swingers. That way we could meet and greet likeminded couples without fear of sending wrong signals. We went to enjoy each other in a sensuous environment. Finally met a very nice couple and enjoyed dinners and conversation by the pool.

Overall we loved the place, the room, the food and the staff are outstanding. Interestingly I think the percentage of swingers was way over 50 percent - and we don't mind, just that it isn't our thing.

I realize this forum is mostly populated by LS folks. It might be nice to have a non LS forum for the rest of us.
Best,



MarNRob

Your experience surprises us - we're also not into the lifestyle and we've been many times to both locations and never had such negative experiences. Sure, we've been approached and even not-so-subtly pressed to engage but we've always been treated with respect when we don't participate. However, we've not been pressed by drunks either - we haven't really seen a lot of very drunk people at Desire like we do at other resorts - makes sense given what you'd like to fit to do later! It is always flattering at a certain level when it does happen, we acknowledge that with the people but just aren't into it. We certainly enjoy the atmosphere created by everyone as we've had some amazing nights in the pools and clubs together. A few people didn't chat with us anymore afterward but that's totally ok - the same thing happens at the vanilla resorts we go to but what you're talking about isn't cool. We've made some very good friends who are in the lifestyle and we some who aren't at Desire - it sucks you had this experience - hope you have a better one another time and go to the jacuzzi - the two of you won't regret it - guaranteed.

[chicagoan69]

This is a great group of people. I feel "surprised" that so many are NOT in the LS....making me feel less stressed about our upcoming trip!!! Thanks so much for such amazing answers!

Chicagoan69 & ChiWolve

[feverpair2015]

Hi, Caz and Andy here. To give this thread a little more balance, we are into the lifestyle, but only on the rare occasion. We are not pushy and always chat, drink, eat and socialise as if we were not lifestylers. If anything does happen it is always initiated by the females and my wife sometimes has to indicate to me to be a little more forward as I have no idea if the other couple are interested or not.

We would never openly ask if someone is into the lifestyle, but the ladies usually seem to be able to pick up on each others vibe, whereas the men are usually useless.

To be honest, we would be quite happy if we went to Desire and never had a lifestyle experience. We go to Desire to be able to completely relax and chat and socialise with similar people to ourselves. A good meal and a drink with great conversation makes the perfect night for us, and if I we want anything extra, then we have each other, and that is a perfect way to end an evening.

[max4play]

Hi, Caz and Andy here. To give this thread a little more balance, we are into the lifestyle, but only on the rare occasion. We are not pushy and always chat, drink, eat and socialise as if we were not lifestylers. If anything does happen it is always initiated by the females and my wife sometimes has to indicate to me to be a little more forward as I have no idea if the other couple are interested or not.

We would never openly ask if someone is into the lifestyle, but the ladies usually seem to be able to pick up on each others vibe, whereas the men are usually useless.

To be honest, we would be quite happy if we went to Desire and never had a lifestyle experience. We go to Desire to be able to completely relax and chat and socialise with similar people to ourselves. A good meal and a drink with great conversation makes the perfect night for us, and if I we want anything extra, then we have each other, and that is a perfect way to end an evening.

And this attitude is exactly why it is such an amazing place to holiday! Love it.

[gaviao]

To be honest, we would be quite happy if we went to Desire and never had a lifestyle experience. We go to Desire to be able to completely relax and chat and socialise with similar people to ourselves. A good meal and a drink with great conversation makes the perfect night for us, and if I we want anything extra, then we have each other, and that is a perfect way to end an evening.

People like you, Feverpair2015, make DP a unique place in the world, even for couples like us, who aren't into the LS. Reading your post, I realize that probably many times we've had nice conversations and shared meals with couples who, very respectfully, never tried to pressure on us once they knew we're not LS.

Newbies, there is nothing to be afraid in Desire, if you carry a good attitude. Being kind and respectful is most of times the way to obtain kindness and respect.

Enjoy, live each minute while you are there, go until your own boundaries, and adjust them daily to your comfort level.
Don't prejudge anything, but don't do nothing if one of you have doubts; maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, maybe never.

[DKCouple]

Hi, Caz and Andy here. To give this thread a little more balance, we are into the lifestyle, but only on the rare occasion. We are not pushy and always chat, drink, eat and socialise as if we were not lifestylers. If anything does happen it is always initiated by the females and my wife sometimes has to indicate to me to be a little more forward as I have no idea if the other couple are interested or not.

We would never openly ask if someone is into the lifestyle, but the ladies usually seem to be able to pick up on each others vibe, whereas the men are usually useless.

To be honest, we would be quite happy if we went to Desire and never had a lifestyle experience. We go to Desire to be able to completely relax and chat and socialise with similar people to ourselves. A good meal and a drink with great conversation makes the perfect night for us, and if I we want anything extra, then we have each other, and that is a perfect way to end an evening.

Well spoken

[BellaSol]

@Feverpair...
We personally don't label ourselves as anything. And some people find comfort in having those terms, just not us. I guarantee that if you met us, it would be you that brooched the question and asked conversationally what our story was. The term "Lifestyling" TO ME, is confining, as it gives the perception that you're open to having sex with others, most exclusively with others in that lifestyle. It's just not that simple or casual for us, or hasn't been...Feelings of attraction don't have a name, a title, and being open and genuinely curious about others doesn't have to include sex for us-in fact, it RARELY has. We aren't complete newbies to sharing (I hate the swing term!) nor are we closed off to experiencing an intimate situation where others might be in close proximity, or even directly involved. But it also doesnt have to happen, either. It's about feelings and not just sexual actions for us. Personally, I think I might be a little offended if someone just came up abruptly and asked me immediately if we were "LS/Swingers", because I'm, (we), are about so much more than just our sex! It's a bit dehumanizing, IMO.. I'd need some flirting, some laughter, some commonalities, some chatter, some hours spent with definite signals given that were reciprocated before I EVEN considered interacting with another couple or single person. Maybe that will change for us, maybe not. For some, it's much more cut and dry. My point is, I wish we were going to be there when you were, so some myths and fears, concerns could be dispelled. We don't fit in either box, just the open, human one:) We are going as open, excited, happy vacationers who are in love with love. I hope to see much of it expressed on our trip there, and I'll be creating a ton of it with my lover, because of that sexy, open, accepting atmosphere and vibe...body shots, a shared dinner table and harmless flirting doesn't mean I'm going to attack you or necessarily ever want to have sex with you, it's just about being freely in the moment and having fun.. I hope your fears can be dispelled and send you best wishes for a great trip!

[tommer]

BellaSol ...... So very well stated and we have much the same feeling about labels and perceptions! Thanks!

[feverpair2015]

@Feverpair...
I wish we were going to be there when you were, so some myths and fears, concerns could be dispelled. We don't fit in either box, just the open, human one:) We are going as open, excited, happy vacationers who are in love with love. I hope to see much of it expressed on our trip there, and I'll be creating a ton of it with my lover, because of that sexy, open, accepting atmosphere and vibe...body shots, a shared dinner table and harmless flirting doesn't mean I'm going to attack you or necessarily ever want to have sex with you, it's just about being freely in the moment and having fun..

Hi BellaSol

Your points are exactly how we feel, yes I labelled ourselves as being in the lifestyle, even if only occasionally, but I used the lifestyle label in our previous comment as a way of demonstrating our limits rather than and indication as to what we desire or want from our vacation.

We enjoy all interaction with others or just between ourselves as a couple, even if that is a quick chat whilst ordering drinks. Desire gives us the ability to be able to feel free to be ourselves, and hopefully to meet others and socialise no matter what limits they may have, in fact, we are not interested in others limits as we are looking to experience a friendly, sociable, flirtatiously charged environment where a meal and a drink is an event in itself. When it comes to sex, well, it isn't important, we don't go to Desire for the sex, the sexy atmosphere, probably, but not the sex. If I want a great evening of sex then I would stay at home with my better half, no one can beat our connection in that regard.

I hope your fears can be dispelled and send you best wishes for a great trip!

Not sure we have any fears, we have never been offended or pressurised with regard to others approaching us, we just say no thanks if we are not interested. If it comes up in conversation over a meal we will openly talk about our experience and our limits if appropriate, but we would make it clear of we were not interested as not to lead the other couple on. We wouldn't let it ruin our evening and we would be happy to let the conversation continue if the other people round the table are happy to do so.

No matter what experiences we get at Desire, I am sure we will enjoy every minute, whether or not we share ourselves with others. We are going to relax, feel free, go red in the sun, converse, dine and wine with others, and from that we will get an experience of a lifetime if anything like last year is to go by.

77 days to go, it'll take ages to arrive, then it'll pass so quickly when we are there, that's what happens when you enjoy yourself so much.

Caz and Andy

[BellaSol]

Feverpair, I apologise, as I meant to respond to the OP, and was confused as to who that was after so many replies, it being chicagopair and not you. No matter what, I'm just hoping that there's room for all when we go, and that all can be comfortable, wherever they come from, or how they might define themselves. We are new to Pearl, so we have some uncertainties, I wasn't trying to imply that you might:) it was a light-hearted well wishing for anyone going who might, and support sent from MI!!:) and im already formuating sassy responses for any pushy men at dinner who might have their penis in hand!!!...Again, apologise for the mixup with the tag...

[feverpair2015]

Feverpair, I apologise, as I meant to respond to the OP, and was confused as to who that was after so many replies, it being chicagopair and not you. No matter what, I'm just hoping that there's room for all when we go, and that all can be comfortable, wherever they come from, or how they might define themselves. We are new to Pearl, so we have some uncertainties, I wasn't trying to imply that you might:) it was a light-hearted well wishing for anyone going who might, and support sent from MI!!:) and im already formuating sassy responses for any pushy men at dinner who might have their penis in hand!!!...Again, apologise for the mixup with the tag...

Hi BellaSol

No need to apologies at all, I didn't take your response in anyway that would require an apology. All this chat can get confusing and to be honest, comments that make me look deeper at myself and my relationship with my wife are always value adding and helpful. When writing our reply we thought about labels and what they meant, and we arrived at the thought that labels aren't what you are intending to do or expect, but actually a demonstration of your limits. Just because we label ourselves as lifestyle, doesn't mean we are after banging everything in site. Like said before, we will look forward to a relaxing and free to be who you want to be holiday, hopefully we will find new friends to dine, drink and socialise with. As for body shots, I haven't got a clue what they are, so there's a new experience to try, and that's what Desire is about, the experience.

Whatever you label yourself as, even if that means no label at all, I sure from our experience that you will love Desire, and once you have been you'll want to go back again and again.

Love Caz and Andy

[mrstommer]

@Feverpair...
We personally don't label ourselves as anything. And some people find comfort in having those terms, just not us. I guarantee that if you met us, it would be you that brooched the question and asked conversationally what our story was. The term "Lifestyling" TO ME, is confining, as it gives the perception that you're open to having sex with others, most exclusively with others in that lifestyle. It's just not that simple or casual for us, or hasn't been...Feelings of attraction don't have a name, a title, and being open and genuinely curious about others doesn't have to include sex for us-in fact, it RARELY has. We aren't complete newbies to sharing (I hate the swing term!) nor are we closed off to experiencing an intimate situation where others might be in close proximity, or even directly involved. But it also doesnt have to happen, either. It's about feelings and not just sexual actions for us. Personally, I think I might be a little offended if someone just came up abruptly and asked me immediately if we were "LS/Swingers", because I'm, (we), are about so much more than just our sex! It's a bit dehumanizing, IMO.. I'd need some flirting, some laughter, some commonalities, some chatter, some hours spent with definite signals given that were reciprocated before I EVEN considered interacting with another couple or single person. Maybe that will change for us, maybe not. For some, it's much more cut and dry. My point is, I wish we were going to be there when you were, so some myths and fears, concerns could be dispelled. We don't fit in either box, just the open, human one:) We are going as open, excited, happy vacationers who are in love with love. I hope to see much of it expressed on our trip there, and I'll be creating a ton of it with my lover, because of that sexy, open, accepting atmosphere and vibe...body shots, a shared dinner table and harmless flirting doesn't mean I'm going to attack you or necessarily ever want to have sex with you, it's just about being freely in the moment and having fun.. I hope your fears can be dispelled and send you best wishes for a great trip!

Nailed it!!

Thanks for that.

[desireaddict]

I would say that Desire is "Lifestyle Friendly", but not Lifestyle Required.

Here's an interesting poll: What's your primary reason for choosing Desire Resorts

Life is Good!
DA