Vanilla to Adventurous

[bluegrasscouple]

So since this is our first time to a resort of this type (second time to a resort of any kind) my wife is alittle concerned. Obviously the whole newbie vibe is in full effect. The uncertainty about atmosphere, outfits, activities, etc is weighing on both our minds. My wife has always been a bit reserved in the sexual sense. When I say that, I mean that I am her only sexual partner in her life. She is a little freak with me, and we have done a few things infront of other couples but never ventured further into the lifestyle. She does tend to get alot braver with moderate amounts of alcohol.

I would be interested in hearing from other couples with similar backgrounds who are desire converts. First time the wives broke out of their shell and started getting sexually interested in other women. Any information that will help ease both our minds and give me the ability to make my wifes first visit to desire a time to remember and create the craving to come back.

Nothing makes me happier than to see my wife happy and sexually satisfied, and for some reason i get as much enjoyment watching her and not participating as being the one to bring her pleasure ( she sends me teaser videos with toys when I am gone for work). I actually prefer to watch those videos than checking out the latest porn on the web. So I guess my goal is to enjoy watching her with another woman or if she feels really brave, watch her with another couple. At this point thats probley beyond the relm of possibility but I am hoping the magic that is Desire Pearl will bring out the wild and passion that I have caught glimpses of. Any hints, tips or experiences with this would be greatly appreciated.

[CandD]

What you've described sounds a lot like where my wife and I were before our first trip to Pearl. You will no doubt get a lot of great advice from folks at all points on the lifestyle spectrum. Ours comes from a perspective that has progressed from vanilla to adventurous-plus in less than a year - perhaps the best year of our 20 together!

You're in for a fantastic trip no matter what happens. That last part is a key part of the advice I would give: you would be wise to discuss limits with your wife, but I would recommend against setting goals or going into the trip with the mindset that you will be disappointed if certain things don't happen. Go with the flow and let circumstances dictate what occurs in terms of play with your spouse or with others; if you try to force a situation it's likely to go poorly or result in regret later on. Relatedly, there's a fine line between encouraging your spouse to be adventurous and pressuring her. The latter can lead to disastrous results and really set you back, whereas the former is essential to let her know you're with her and supporting her in what she wants to do. Share your fantasies about what you would like to see or experience and urge your wife to do the same. And don't be discouraged if her initial response to some of your fantasies is "not going to happen." We're still newbies ourselves, but we've crossed a number of those "not going to happen" items off our list and now can't wait to get back to Pearl and do them again. Boundaries move as comfort levels increase, and I think you will be surprised how quickly you get comfortable in the unique atmosphere that exists at Pearl. By and large you are not going to be pressured by the other guests to do things you don't want to do. People are extremely approachable, warm and open, so it's easy to meet and get to know people quickly. Follow your gut in terms of the people with whom you want to spend time during your trip and if it's meant to be, sparks will fly and connections will be made. I realize this probably all sounds a bit trite, but approaching Pearl with this mindset has made for unforgettable trips and has made a great marriage even better for us. I hope you experience the same!

[TandD]

I'm actually a little confused by your post. At first I thought you had the typical newbie jitters - being naked, outfits, what's the hot tub like, etc. Then it sounded like you were anxious about *not* being able to find someone for your wife to play with. I'm sure I got it wrong one way or the other but my advice would be to not over think things too much. If you have "done things in front of other couples", you will be fine at Desire. I hope you understand that there is no expectation of you playing with anyone else. You will not be immediately propositioned and asked to swing. I'd dare say you actually have to actively pursue that if you want it. It's not "in your face" like you might think.

My wife had a slightly similar "awakening". Nothing crazy but it wasn't anything we/she planned - it just happened spontaneously. And interestingly, it *didn't* happen on the next trip despite her being more open to and almost looking for it. My advice for newbies is to go there with the expectation that you two are going to have a great time getting sexy with each other and getting comfortable with the overall vibe. Don't get hung up on the swinger aspect of it - it's just not front and center. Once you get comfortable - whether that is on the first day or the last - then you will be relaxed enough to let other things happen as they may.

Or you can throw all that advice away and just take a sign - "Who wants to f**k?" That would probably work too.

Have fun!

[sexvixxxin2]

take her to a swinger club. or even a strip club and get her a lap dance. we enjoy going to local LS house parties. all of these are cheaper ways to see if she'll spread her wings so to speak.

[WICouple]

I'm actually a little confused by your post. At first I thought you had the typical newbie jitters - being naked, outfits, what's the hot tub like, etc. Then it sounded like you were anxious about *not* being able to find someone for your wife to play with. I'm sure I got it wrong one way or the other but my advice would be to not over think things too much. If you have "done things in front of other couples", you will be fine at Desire. I hope you understand that there is no expectation of you playing with anyone else. You will not be immediately propositioned and asked to swing. I'd dare say you actually have to actively pursue that if you want it. It's not "in your face" like you might think.

My wife had a slightly similar "awakening". Nothing crazy but it wasn't anything we/she planned - it just happened spontaneously. And interestingly, it *didn't* happen on the next trip despite her being more open to and almost looking for it. My advice for newbies is to go there with the expectation that you two are going to have a great time getting sexy with each other and getting comfortable with the overall vibe. Don't get hung up on the swinger aspect of it - it's just not front and center. Once you get comfortable - whether that is on the first day or the last - then you will be relaxed enough to let other things happen as they may.

Or you can throw all that advice away and just take a sign - "Who wants to f**k?" That would probably work too.

Have fun!

Great Advice. You are right on.

[bluegrasscouple]

Thanks for all the great advice. I wasn't very clear in the point I was trying to get across. Thats my fault. Im not anxious about not hooking up with other couples as much as If the situation does arise, how we would handle it but like everyone above said, we just need to communicate and go in to this with no real expectations. As long as she is happy and having fun, so am I. WIcouple we will be there during your stay. If you guys want to get togsther for dinner or meet up please message us and let us know!